


Won't You Help Me Out

by KimTanAnukite



Series: Monsta x Angst Works Collection [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Character Study, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I know you all love angst so here it is your daily dose, Idols, M/M, Minor Violence, No Mercy, Nu'bility, OT7, Underwater, kpop, maknae needs love should be a hashtag, monsta x - Freeform, references to No.Mercy, references to right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-07-25 23:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20034031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimTanAnukite/pseuds/KimTanAnukite
Summary: Changkyun was mastering the art of concealing the pain his members attitudes and obvious discomfort caused on him."Are you feeling hurt by me at all?""I'm not talking about acting cute, Changkyun. I want you to be brighter and talk more."Or, another maknae-centered angst-filled story. This time, ships included.





	1. The Awkward Date

**Author's Note:**

> This is the introduction to the story  
It's based on the second episode of RIGHT NOW, if you haven't watch this show and No.Mercy I strongly recommend you to do so, especially if you love angst❤️  
(You can read it if you haven't watch them, it doesn't affect the plot or understanding of the story)

It didn't surprise Changkyun getting selected as the most awkward person in the group; they all already knew it was him, as Hyungwon said. The youngest hated the idea of having a date with one of his members and the cameras attentive to his reactions during it. However, there was nothing he could do about it, and now he was to pretend not being hurt by the effort and whining of his band mates to not be chosen as Changkyun's date.

His relationship with the group was in general uncomfortable, only Kihyun was a bit close to him. So it didn't really matter who got to take a ride on the Ferris wheel with him, it would be as bad as a punishment for any of the members.

Changkyun got nervous under everybody's gaze, and he soon realized the two oldest members were acting nervous as well. Hell, they even looked upset as if they were expecting the rest of the guys to chose one of them for the horrible date. It was as if out of sixteen possible combinations Changkyun-Shownu and Changkyun-Wonho were the only two they could vote on.

Changkyun was mastering the art of concealing the damage his members attitudes and obvious discomfort caused on him. He was also controlling his true personality, knowing it may be too much for the rest.

With a tie between Wonho and Shownu, the decision was now on him. Changkyun didn't want to make any of the two feel uncomfortable at all, but it was part of the show and he had to keep the act going. Hyunwoo wasn't exactly awkward with him because he basically ignored the presence of the youngest, so even when Hoseok had the most awkward relationship with Changkyun, the rapper knew the situation would be easier to handle it he chose the leader. And so he did, especially after Hoseok's reaction when they pretended he had be chosen.

"My current boyfriend is Shownu and my next boyfriend will be Wonho." Despite the general atmosphere, Changkyun still managed to make the group laugh.

Their date began, and if Changkyun felt anxious before, it was only getting worse with the time passing. It wasn't until they were technically trapped inside the Ferris wheel booth that Changkyun dared to confront the eldest's evasive behavior.

"Are you feeling hurt by me at all?"

The eldest laughed running his hand through his hair. Changkyun forgot for a second about the cameras and looked at his hyung with seriousness.

"Not really, but I want something from you. I want to ask you something... You are too dark."

Changkyun held back any defensive comment forming in inside his head.

"I'm not talking about acting cute, I want you to be brighter and talk more."

Would the rest of the group wish he was brighter too? That was just how he was, and being that way was his main mechanism to cope alone with the changes and challenges that had been going on in his life.

"Just say it, just do it!" Hyunwoo hurried.

"Our team has a lot of opinions, so sometimes it gets to weird places. I want you to clean it up for us since you are the leader."

"You want me to speak up more. I'll try."

After the short yet deep conversation, they couldn't look at each other for a while and decided to take pictures until the ride was over.

They finally proved they were close by saying one another's name and forming a heart over their heads. That'd do for now, at least for the media, fans, and managers. Things at home, however, were probably going to turn stressful for the youngest. For sure their members would insist to know what happened up in the Ferris Wheel, and they would tease Changkyun until other awkward situation presented itself.

Being in front of cameras for things such as No.Mercy and Right Now meant they had do act. They overacted some situations and also held back certain true reactions.

Coming back to the dormitory after Right Now would hopefully be different this time. Changkyun really hoped their leader would be by his side even when the other five members were against him. He hoped Hyunwoo wouldn't ignore the tension and enemisty on the dorms daily atmosphere.

Was it too much to ask?


	2. Weird Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you.”   
― Anthony Bourdain

It was impossible to have seven men in one room and expect them all to agree on everything.

Some days, on the good days when the stress of becoming an idol wasn't crushing them, Changkyun would feel welcomed by his hyungs and let a part of his weird persona amuse them. They would treat him not exactly as the maknae but as a teammate they accepted on their group.

It was mostly Changkyun's opinion or choice that never won over the others. Some times they didn't even bother to hear him.

Some days, they would tolerate his personality and opinions or just ignore it, but never acknowledge his feelings or reactions. Jooheon would open up to him while writing lines for raps, but would ignore his presence at the company if another trainee was around. Hyungwon would only give him advice when none of the other guys was nearby. Kihyun was patient and motherly enough to care about him, but outside the dorms the maknae was by himself. Minhyuk was so active it was impossible for him not to drag the youngest on some of his adventures, but he was still resisting their friendship as he had promised during No Mercy that they wouldn't be friends. Wonho had so much love to give even the maknae received some, but as soon as Changkyun was starting to feel said love the older would put distance between them. Hyunwoo was mature and fatherly, therefore he tried to get the lead rapper more included within the group, but he also had a soft personality that allowed the others influence Hyunwoo's decisions and exclude Changkyun or make his voice invalid.

Changkyun was trying to understand the position their disagreements put the leader on, he needed to be fair and find a mid point to have everyone comfortable or get together to the right and better outcome.

Some days, like today, Changkyun would feel guilty and anxious. For putting his future at risk by leaving school and his parents' expectations and dreams for his son behind in the pursuit of his dreams. Guilty and anxious because the path ahead got dark and foggy and there was no one holding his hand to overcome the monsters blocking the way. For getting this chance to become someone yet keep feeling he was taking someone else's place.

"I know you are young and stupid, but you should really think twice before opening your mouth. I thought you were emo and enjoyed being quiet, you're less annoying that way."

Changkyun felt a stab on his heart, and his defensive immediate reaction was to laugh and roll his eyes.

As if Jooheon was that much older than him.

The rest of the guys were either watching the situation with amusement or pretending to do something on their phones to avoid being part of it.

"Seriously, we would be better with Gunhee instead of you."

Changkyun stared at Hoseok expressionless, "don't you guys have a better comeback? That one's getting old and pointless."

The second oldest stood up, only then Kihyun intervened.

"Guys. Are we seriously fighting over something as little as the shower. At the end of the day it's me who cleans up after we all showered and-"

"You wouldn't have to do it if all of us were organized and didn't take both all the space and time on the bathroom," interrupted Minhyuk.

They were all but Kihyun and Hyunwoo glaring at Changkyun. The leader was even avoiding eye contact, as if thinking on how to sort this out.

Changkyun got up and bowed to Kihyun and then to the rest of the group, as it was expected from him, "I'll be more careful with my stuff, and take less time on shower. You can decide on the cleaning schedule for me too." He then walked up to Hyunwoo who was observing all from the entrance to the living room. "You really don't see why I'm dark? I thought you'd keep your promise, hyung."

"Changkyun, wait."

"Don't bother, hyung," Kihyun tried to stop him but the leader left after the maknae.

Since he didn't have their own bedroom each there was a rule about locking the doors. Hyunwoo came in without knocking and closed after him so the other guys wouldn't disrupt their conversation.

"Changkyun..."

"Please, don't. Just, leave me alone."

"I'm sorry. I should have done something back in the living room, but the group is still new and I have to be careful with my words, I must consider everyone's point of view and-"

"I'm sorry, hyung. But no, you're not understanding. They don't like me, I'm not even sure you like me, and- I- it's difficult because as simple as it looks, this kind of situations only make me feel more alien to the group. I- I know, I know I'm awkward, and not the best roommate, but they aren't either."

"I know.. I'll talk to them too, but I don't want you to leave like that again. If you want me to solve the disagreements and problems you need to stay too and help me. Okay? I don't want you to keep your feelings or opinion to yourself; I did ask you to open up a bit more, didn't I?"

Changkyun ducked his head and murmured, "yes, hyung. Thank you."

Some days Changkyun would feel strong despite the atmosphere in the dorm. He knew everything was going to be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters will get longer after this one


	3. Dark Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun was alone in the darkness. Not only lonely, but physically alone. No staff or band mates around.

Sometimes Changkyun felt like an outsider, an intruder to the group.

It occurred mostly when they were all having a good time — even the youngest was feeling happy. But something inside his head would bring some conscious back to him and remind him it was a momentary bliss. He had told himself to enjoy this little treats of merry, but there was no point once he realized the mood was light regardless of his presence.

His mind was like a dark room which door would open in the most unexpected chances to spread darkness around Changkyun's heart, and sometimes even infect the other guy's aura too.

In moments like this, Changkyun would slowly step away from the group and witness the lack of change on the mood as he left.

They never noticed. Never went after him. Never cared.

Not even the leader who was supposed to look out for his members.

This occurred several times, and then it happened overseas — at Germany. The dark room filled with loneliness and bad memories opened for Changkyun to come in. And so he walked away from the cheerful men around him. None of them noticed or cared.

His body was walking around trying to stay close to them, but he was in the now closed dark room. Thinking.

Thinking about how far they've come, how much he had accomplished, and how much was to come. But the darkness can extinguish light sometimes, and he imagined another person in his place. And now he was looking at this success from the outside. Was Hoseok wrong when he said they'd be better with Gunhee?

He usually didn't let this thoughts get to him, he was stronger than that. But loneliness was the one that opened the door for him, and he got trapped inside the dark room. With no one to take him out of it. No one to shut down that room.

"Excuse me.."

Changkyun looked up and out of the room's window when a girls voice talked to him in English.

"You're Changkyun from Monsta X aren't you?"

Her blue eyes were wide open and she wouldn't let go of her friend's arm, murmuring something the rapper couldn't understand.

"We are monbebes! Can we take a picture with you?"

And he was now out of the dark room.

"Sure," he said with a sincere smile.

They took some selfies together and then he sign some stuff for them; they were telling him how much they loved him being part of the group and not to worry about fans [read: no monbebes] saying he didn't belong or fit in the group. Not even once they asked where the others where or something not related to the maknae; and that made him feel loved and proud. It was like going out of your house in a perfect rainy summer afternoon and feel the cold water caress your skin.

The girls left and now Changkyun was alone. Not only lonely, but physically alone. No staff or band mates around.

He wasn't far from the seats where they were together earlier, and as he approached he realized only his suitcase was left.

"Are you serious?"

Maybe one day in the future they'd be enjoying Korean barbecue and some drinks and laughing at the memory of this moment. Or they would be sharing it during an interview in a foreign country and joke about it being on purpose or something like that.

But it wasn't funny at all.

The beautiful rain had turned into a dangerous storm and the water was flooding the dark room, where the lonely guy was trapped back inside looking for shelter.

The tears on Changkyun's eyes were the materialization of the betrayal drowning him.

It wasn't the first time they left him behind, but it was the first time they did in such a considerable background. There was no way they had left after looking for him not finding him, because he was nearby all the time. None of his band mates noticed his absence and reported it to the rest. Not even a fucking staff stayed behind to wait for him.

Changkyun considered taking care of the situation himself, but he didn't have the resources to do so, and the people looking at him with curious eyes was suddenly making him anxious.

It wasn't as if they were a group of 20 people where it wasn't easy to notice there was one missing. They should be on their way back by now.

However, after hours waiting Changkyun accepted they weren't coming for him. He sighed and swallowed his pride. The thought alone of calling them to remind them they forgot something rather important was paining him with humiliation.

As he talked to the manager on the phone, the door of the dark room opened a little to show him possible scenarios. He imagined the call being on speaker and the guys holding their laugh, one of them cursing because they almost managed to get rid of their youngest member but couldn't.

As he was waiting for someone to comeback for him, the door had closed behind him. Maybe they did left him behind on purpose, to have a good laugh. To imagine what the group would be like without him. To make him pay for whatever he did to be part of the group.

He was indeed quiet wherever they were travelling, but even then Jooheon would ask Changkyun to share with him an earphone because he forgot his; Hyungwon would sometimes fell asleep on the youngest's shoulder since the others would complain about him drooling on them but Changkyun didn't; Kihyun would make sure they were all comfortable on their seats, including the lead rapper; Minhyuk would make a joke about him and check on his reaction; Hoseok would glare at him at least once; and Hyunwoo.. he was the leader, he should make sure everyone was there.

"Changkyun.."

Changkyun was dark indeed. Because he couldn't let the dark room become his all, he had to visit it sometimes. He couldn't let his face express the pain around his heart.

"Coming," he took his stuff and with a blank face and confident motions followed the manager who would take glances at him and keep a concerned frown on his own face.

He wasn't to give them the satisfaction of showing how affected he was by the events of that night. No.

"Changkyun.."

"Yes, hyung?"

Hyunwoo winced and tried to avoid the cold look on the younger's eyes.

"I am s-"

"Sorry, hyung. I am a bit tired, I should get ready to sleep. We have a busy schedule tomorrow."

"Changkyun. Don't interrupt me when I'm talking."

Was he the bad guy now?

Changkyun snorted and bowed before closing the bathroom's door behind him, not bothering on turning the lights on since there couldn't be more darkness around anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when you guys comment because I am like a Nogitsune, I feed on chaos strife and pain.  
And I know you love the angst.


	4. Last Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the maknae had both advantages and disadvantages, in Changkyun's case it only had the latter.

Being the youngest in a group had its advantages. The person in the maknae position was usually the one with less responsibilities, the most spoiled member, the one the others would look out for more — the maknae was the member the hyungs would do anything for. Changkyun would forgive anything the maknae of his previous group did, and would hold him through the hardships even when he needed to be held too.

Being the youngest also had disadvantages. Changkyun knew looking out for someone also meant restricting him sometimes. Being treated like a baby was both about getting what he wanted and not being allowed to do what he wanted; in Changkyun's case, it was as if they considered him not old enough to do things correctly or alone. He was also constantly nagged, even more then the other guys who were more troublesome than him.

Being the maknae meant he was the last one. He was the last one to deserve respect; he had to put up with the others' jokes and injustices and couldn't say anything back. He was the last one to get something: the last one to choose a movie, the last one to shower, the last one to introduce himself, the last one to be acknowledge by sunbaenims, the last one to play on variety shows and fan signs, the last one to choose a treat, the last one to speak. The last one on his hyung's concern.

Since Changkyun didn't look like the maknae of the group, he suffered more of the disadvantages than he got something good out from the advantages.

"Come on, you have to help me with today's breakfast. You can shower once you're done, I'll wake up the others," Changkyun sighed turning around on his bed.

He could deny Kihyun's order and complain, except that it would be disrespectful and give him more problems than he needed being who he was for the group.

"Yes, hyung."

"Good morning," greeted Hyunwoo coming into the kitchen with his phone in hand.

"Good morning, hyung."

"How's your ankle? We have dance practice scheduled for today, but if you're still hurting we can go for vocal practice and dance tomorrow- What is it?" Changkyun had a puzzled expression that made the leader curious.

"Uh- nothing. It doesn't hurt anymore, we can do dance practice.."

It was the first time his well-being was taken in consideration to do or to cancel some activity. It was particularly weird since he had hurt his angle on dance practice because he was distracted and not doing his best. He should be nagged, not worried for.

"Good."

One by one the members came into the kitchen to have breakfast, Changkyun served to the six of them and then left to take a shower.

"Oh- we ran out of hair conditioner," announced Jooheon with an almost-apologetic smile.

"Better be quick, we have to leave in half an hour," Kihyun gave him a sincere apologetic smile that stopped the youngest from complaining.

He was also the last one to get on the van, the last one to get help with a difficult dance move, the last one to get a bottle of water at the end of the practice, the last one to know they were having an interview that same night, and eventually he was the last one to get his make up and hair done.

"Changkyun-ssi you should use hair conditioner, especially in days like today," complained one of the noonas and the youngest could do no more than sighing at the irony of his day.

"You ready?" asked Hyunwoo when the youngest joined them in set.

"Yes, sorry for making you wait."

The show was coming out perfectly until it turned awkward. They were asked to say good characteristics of their members starting from the eldest.

There were several things Changkyun wanted to say to help his band mates describe their leader, but as soon as he was about to talk the interviewer moved onto the next member. Changkyun did say little and pretty much general or insignificant things about the next five members, fortunately the others agreed with his participation.

Then, after a sign from the director behind the cameras, it came the moment Changkyun was anxious about since the activity was announced, his hyungs were to describe him.

They laughed nervously and were looking at each other as if no one wanted to start or participate anymore or had anything good to compliment the youngest about.

"Time is up and we need to finish the show, Shownu, tell us one positive thing about Changkyun-ssi."

"If there's any," Changkyun heard laughing behind him.

At his side, Kihyun moved uncomfortable but didn't say anything.

"He's a good maknae."

What kind of answer was that. Did he have nothing real and positive to say about him?

Changkyun felt his eyes filling with tears but disguised it with a chuckle.

As soon as the door to the van was unlocked the guys hurried inside as in a race to get a seat, leaving Changkyun and Hyunwoo out to be driven home by the manager in his own car.

"Sorry, hyung," laughed Hoseok closing the door.

Where they apologizing for making him ride home in Changkyun's company?

"Actually," Changkyun turned to the leader as the van drove away, "I was wondering if I could do something before going home."

"Do what?" Hyunwoo asked indifferent, almost out of instinct or habit, his stare fixed on the building's door, "what is taking manager so long?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Huh? Sure..."

"Thanks hyung."

By the moment Hyunwoo's mind registered what was going on Changkyun was gone.

"Where's he going?"

He turned to find the manager looking at the corner were Changkyun turned. "I-" I don't know, "he said he wanted to walk home and get a coffee on the way. We are not far from the dorms."

The elder didn't seem happy with the answer but let it go. "Let's get some too, but from that cafe near my place."

Why had he lied? What if something happened to Changkyun? He was supposed to be responsible of him.

"Hyung! Come cuddle me!" Jooheon made grabby hands at Hyunwoo from the couch as the elder arrived to the dorm. The leader went to sit with the rapper but he looked absent minded. "What is it? Why aren't you paying attention to me, dad?"

"Huh- where's Changkyun?"

Minhyuk who was struggling against Hoseok to have the remote control let go of the second eldest causing him to fall off the sofa.

"Minhyukkie!"

"What do you mean where's Changkyun, hyung?"

Kihyun entered the room at that moment and his eyes widened, "Changkyun's not with you?"

"Uhm- I.."

"What's going on?" Their talking had woken up Hyungwon, who was taking a nap in the remaining sofa.

"I let Changkyun walk home, but he said he wanted to do something before.. I thought he'd be here before me."

At that moment the entrance door opened and closed announcing the arrival of the youngest member. Changkyun walked straight to his room not paying attention to the six men following him with their gazes.

"I'll go," Minhyuk and Hyunwoo said at the same time.

"Too late," Kihyun announced already making his way to Changkyun and Minhyuk's shared room. "Changkyun-ah?"

The rapper was lying on his bed with his back to the door. He didn't move or make any sound at Kihyun's call.

"Kyunnie? Are you okay?"

"I want to be alone, hyung.." an almost inaudible whisper.

"I'll give you space once you tell me where you have been.." as he sat on the mattress behind the rapper, the distinctive smell of alcohol got to Kihyun's senses. "Changkyun," he pulled the younger by the shoulder so he was now facing the room and Kihyun was able to see his red and sleepy eyes. "Are you drunk?"

"Shh, please, don't tell the others... I'm sorry, hyung."

Kihyun was upset, drinking during a heavy scheduled week was so irresponsible and could bring trouble to all of them. However, the sad look on Changkyun's eyes stopped him from telling Hyunwoo, Hoseok or the manager about it.

"Why did you do it, baby?" he caressed the other's hair.

"Does he even care about me, hyung?"

"Who are you talking about, baby?"

"Hyunwoo hyung," he sighed. Kihyun was astonished by the answer, but let him continue. "I know you don't want me near, but I thought it'd be different with him.. at least after the Ferris Wheel date we had..."

"Oh, Kyunnie. I'll tell you what, we'll talk about this tomorrow if you still want to, and I'll help you then. But for now, you need to take a shower before bed or Minhyukkie hyung will find out you're drunk; I'll bring you some water and pills, we have a deal?"

"Yes, hyung."

Kihyun helped him to the bathroom and went into the kitchen to fetch some things for Changkyun. Hyunwoo was waiting for him by the doorway.

"Did he tell you where he was?"

"No. Hyung, you should have asked him before letting him go, you know?"

Hyunwoo nodded with a frown. "I know.. is he alright?"

Kihyun considered telling him the truth and that way he wouldn't be involved in whatever problems their relationship had, but he just couldn't do that to the maknae.

"You should talk to him tomorrow.. Not only listen, but actually talk, hyung. And please do what he asks you too."

Hyunwoo was confused but Kihyun wasn't in the mood to do explaining, so he left the leader alone in the kitchen a few minutes later.


	5. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good friendship is made of little moments

The smell of Bean Sprout Soup concealed by the strong smell of pancakes and bacon welcomed Changkyun, who walked into the kitchen in search of water to take some pills with. "Here, eat this before the rest comes to take breakfast."

The maknae really appreciated the care and discretion Kihyun was showing over his mistake.

"Thank you, hyung."

"Do you want to talk about it?" the elder sat with him under the other's curious look. "About Hyunwoo hyung..?"

Changkyun choked on his food, Kihyun worrying and taking that as a 'no'.

"Are you okay?"

After evening his breathing back Changkyun nodded, "I don't know what I said yesterday.." hopefully nothing embarrassing, "it's just, Hyunwoo hyung and I had been having awkward moments and, I don't know, I thought it would change over time. Don't worry about it, hyung."

Why was he even telling this to Kihyun.

"Yesterday you said something, and it really left me thinking.. Did we make you think we want you out of the group? Or that we don't care about you?"

"Hyung, I- why are you asking me this now?" The youngest eyes filled with tears, he really didn't feel ready to open up to any of them about his feelings regarding them.

Kihyun had always been the one to show more interest in Changkyun, that was a fact. But even then, it was Hyunwoo the one Changkyun thought he could trust in the most.

"I want to apologize, if I've ever made you feel unloved, or if I've said something out of place, I- we do care about you Kyunnie... I think you should be more open on what concerns you, if not with me, and if things are not good with Hyunwoo hyung, then with Minhyuk, or Jooheony. Just, please don't keep it to yourself and suffer in silence or something like that, okay?"

Changkyun was holding his breath, and with the fear that trying to answer would reveal the confusion and conflict going on in his head, he only looked down.

"Aigoo, look at how corny and cringe you're forcing me to sound" Kihyun stretched his arms and make that characteristic gesture of his of shaking his head out of embarrassment. He decided to clean up after Changkyun's breakfast, not expecting an answer from the youngest.

Changkyun was —momentarily—saved by Hyunwoo who entered the kitchen in that precise moment.

"Breakfast is ready, hyung; I'll go get ready.." behind Changkyun, Kihyun was making gestures to the leader as if telling him to talk to the maknae before the rest came to join them.

Changkyun almost runs after the mom of the group, not wanting to be left alone with Hyunwoo. But the eldest spoke so softly he didn't have the heart to leave. After all, his attribute was being a good maknae, right?

"How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine."

Hyunwoo raised his eyebrows at him, reminding him to talk more. After all, it was Hyunwoo and not him the one with few words in the group. They both needed to make an effort in order to have a meaningful and real conversation. This time, without cameras preventing the meaningfulness of it.

"I'm sorry I came home late yesterday.."

"You know we have a schedule to follow."

Changkyun shouldn't be getting scold when Hyunwoo didn't even stop the maknae from going outside by himself not notifying where to, he was the one who gave a shitty answer regarding Changkyun and eventually, even if unconsciously, provoked him to get drunk.

"I do," he stated with his eyes fixed on the doorway, waiting for someone to come and interrupt the uncomfortable moment they were sharing.

"Where- would, would you tell me where were you..?"

"I went to drink something, there's a cafeteria nearby," he wasn't exactly lying.

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

Had Kihyun betrayed Changkyun?

"I think there' something bothering you, and I think I told you not to keep it to yourself, Kyun."

Changkyun thought on the possible outcomes if he where to tell Hyunwoo what was on his mind. Would he share it with the rest of the group? Would they think he was overreacting or just dramatic? Would they make fun of him or bother him because of this? They were not bad guys, it was just the situation and lack of communication that caused all of this, right? But, would they understand and support him? Would they notice that those little details were harmful to the youngest and change their behavior willingly? Maybe, but there was too much on the line.

"It's nothing, hyung."

"Changkyun-"

"Morning," Hoseok walked in, finishing Changkyun's suffering.

That afternoon outside the company, there was a group of guys waiting for them to go out for dinner together, apparently, it was the birthday of one of them who was a long time friend of Hyunwoo and Jooheon, and eventually the guys in both groups had become good friends with time—except for Changkyun, who had only heard their songs and see them on the internet before.

Changkyun was really expecting one of his members to tell him 'we'll see you home maknae' and than all leave without him, at least that's what they were thinking if their gazes were something to say about it. However, Hyunwoo dragged him after them, introducing him to the other group and not moving his arm away from Changkyun's shoulders.

At the restaurant, he only joined the conversation in two occasions. First, when Kihyun asked what did he wanted to eat and drink. And the second one, when Jackson addressed him. For Changkyun, this interaction with the Chinese guy only proved his theory of them not wanting him there.

While he wasn't exactly rude or ignored him like the rest, Changkyun knew he only talked to him out of kindness, it was forced. It reminded him of that time on x-ray when he gave Monsta X missions and they had to eat outside dishes inside McDonalds, twice. Jackson was trying to be nice, but the glances the rest were giving towards them seemed to make him stop trying.

That was the last time Changkyun talked that night.

He didn't even replied to Kihyun and Minhyuk's good nights.

Hyunwoo didn't overlook Changkyun's behavior that night.

He didn't want to force conversation out of him during dinner, but he was alert to the maknae's reactions even when his old friends where taking most of his attention. He tried to go after him once they got to the dorms, but Kihyun stopped him.

The main vocal had been observing both the eldest and the youngest.

"There's something you are hiding from me Kihyun, what is it?"

"I thought I told you to talk to him, hyung."

"Maybe if you'd tell me-"

"We haven't watched Right Now so I don't know what he meant. But he did mention the Ferris Wheel.. that's all I'll tell you."

Hyunwoo sighed. He kept not fulfilling his promise. It wasn't only about sorting out the conflicts around them all from time to time. It was about making him feel like a welcomed friend, it was about making him comfortable enough that he would open up to them willingly and reveal his weird but real self.

"Hyung, I think he still feels like he doesn't belong with us, in the group, as a friend. We should do something, now."

"I know Kihyunnie."

"The guys may not understand if I tell them the truth, but they would have to listen to you. I dont think Changkyun wants us to tell the others what's going on, but we shouldn't ignore this any longer. Please, No.Mercy finished a long time ago."

It was little things they didn't consider that could change the course of the group in a significant way. Little things like not including the maknae in a problem that had to be solved in the company, not greeting him the same way they did to the others, not sharing something with him, not asking his opinion on the stage attires. But also little things like receiving him with a smile after he spent three days without sleep in his studio working on lyrics, asking him to lend them a jacket, inviting him to their rooms to watch a drama together. It was everyday apparently insignificant decisions that shaped their relationship, and therefore the future of the group.


	6. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok gets involved. Things happen..

Making every one of the members feel comfortable enough to be themselves shouldn't have to be a task to accomplish. Their relationship should be like that of brothers, and it was like that for all except Changkyun. As the leader, Hyunwoo was responsible of sorting out conflicts and misunderstandings, to make sure the decisions made were the best for all of them. As the eldest, he was too, responsible of the emotional and physical well being of the members; he was, to a certain extent, responsible of the happiness and safeness of his dongsaengs, Changkyun included. They had to be sure they could lean and relay in him, and maybe his shy personality had somehow avoided him from making sure the rest knew this. And it was time to do something about it.

So he decided to talk first to Hoseok, the one following him in age and therefore responsibility. Hyunwoo knew Hoseok worried about the maknae just as much as he did, only their relationship wasn't that close and therefore there was not enough trust for the youngest to approach the lead vocalist.

Kihyun woke Hyunwoo up early so he could accompany Hoseok to the gym.

"Please tell him not to be too obvious, or else Changkyun will know something is going on and will think we are not being honest or maybe trying to get something from him or mock him or-"

"Kihyun-ah," Hyunwoo interrupted with a smile as the other followed him into the bathroom. "Don't worry.. I won't let this to go on any longer, everything will be as it should have been from the begging."

"And I trust you to keep your promise," Kihyun waited for Hyunwoo to finish washing his face and change his glasses for contacts to face him with a serious tone, "but this is Changkyun we are talking about. Maybe I'm not as close to him as you are, but I've deeply cared for him since the moment he came into that restaurant and introduced himself to us with bewildered eyes. Don't tell the rest please, but he's like, he's my favorite child out of the five."

"Should I remind you two of our kids are actually older than you?" Hyunwoo laughed and turned his back on Kihyun's eye roll, changing his underwear for a clean pair and putting on gym clothing. "Don't worry Ki. I promise you this won't go uncleared beyond the end of this month." He finished getting ready just when Hoseok came into the bathroom. "Hoseok."

"Morning."

"Hyungs," Kihyun waved at them making his way out of the bathroom, "if you're not here for breakfast I'll let Changkyun have it all. Take care."

"I'm glad you decided to go with me to the gym, hyung," Hoseok sang entangling his arm with the leader's.

Hoseok, despite his usual seriousness, amazing leadership, being so hardworking, and concerned for the others, had decided with Hyunwoo not to be the leader for a simple reason. He was terribly soft and loved to be taken care of; so everytime his hyung showed him special attention he felt like a little kid spending time with his much older and super cool brother.

Hyunwoo felt a little guilty because the real reason he finally agreed to go to the gym so early in the morning with his dongsaaeng was because a matter regarding yet another of their members. He was planning to tell the truth to the other in a casual manner as they were exercising. And it was almost time to go back home when he decided to do so.

"Hoseokkie, have you seen anything weird going on at the dorm?"

The younger was getting his stuff back into his bag with now a frown forming on his face, "what do you mean, hyung?" He was trying to think of an specific or worrying event. "I promise it wasn't me, it was broken before I used it."

"What? No, I was- wait, what was broken?"

"No? Broken? Don't tell Kihyun please."

Hyunwoo shook his head in confusion. "Seok, I'm talking about the.. vibes in the group."

"Oh.. don't beat around the bush, hyung. What is it?" He was suddenly serious and had a kind of dangerous look in his eyes. All cuteness gone.

"Changkyun-"

"What did he do now?"

"He- what? That.. this is exactly what is going on. He's done nothing, nothing but his best to demonstrate he deserves to be where he is, and I don't think any of us has acknowledged this, and we are not making things any easier for him or ourselves."

"I always thought the nagging and reprimanding was exclusive of Kihyun in your mom and dad relationship," he continued grabbing his stuff.

Well, Hyunwoo had not seen this coming, he was expecting a total different response. But immediate support perhaps was way too much to ask. "Hoseok. I'm being serious here, don't you see what we are doing to him?"

"What is that we are doing to him, hyung? He's part of the group, and we care for him, I don't see what else do you want from us."

"Are you talking for everyone or is it just you who thinks like this? I need to know."

"Hyung, is not like we are bullying him or anything. We are all adults, he can take care of himself, you don't have to question me like this.. Is this why you decided to come today?" he huffed taking his bag, walking away and ignoring Hyunwoo calls.

  
Changkyun was fixing some lyrics on his laptop at the kitchen when the front door was opened and closed with force, twice.

Behind him, Jooheon and Hyungwon who where washing the dishes left what they were doing too.

"You're part of this shit aren't you?! You both really think of yourselves as the fucking parents of this family don't you?" they heard Hoseok's voice coming from the living room. Minhyuk came quickly into the kitchen before the maknaes could wonder into the hall to see what was happening.

"Why is Hoseokkie hyung so angry?" Jooheon asked obeying the elder and sitting at the table with Changkyun.

"I don't know, but you should stay here and away from problems, okay?" Minhyuk asked the three to remain seated. "Let them calm down before we intervene."

"Where is Kihyun hyung?" Changkyun stood up when he heard a yelp coming from one of the rooms. "Let me go with him, hyung."

"Shouldn't we call manager?" Hyungwon was also itching to do something.

"No, I'll go check what's going on. You guys stay here, okay? Please, Hyungwon." He delegated the responsibility of the maknae line to the eldest member of it before following the almost incomprehensible whispered screams coming from Kihyun's room.

The first thing to reach his ears was Kihyun's crying, and that's what boiled his blood. Minhyuk didn't care which of the two sweaty muscly men facing each other with murdering looks had left the younger in this state. He went to grab both from their ears and pulled them until they were by the bed, he then pushed them with as much strength as his displeasure gave him and dared to give each a slight slap to get them out of their animal like states. "Why the fuck is Kihyunnie crying on the floor and the maknae line eating their nails in the kitchen? Care to explain what stupid matter are you two beasts dissenting on that you took it to this proportion?"

His hyungs looked perplexed and then turned to the left where Kihyun was hiding his cries behind his hand. "Ki-" Hoseok tried to reach him but Hyunwoo stopped him, then Hoseok slapped his hand away from his arm and they were already almost over each other's throat again that Minhyuk had to shout.

"YAA! Are you not going to act like fucking adults? Fine, kill each other, but I'm taking Kihyun and the maknaes with me, and you better prepare a fucking 12 pages speech each that includes a detailed explanation for all of us and a very long apology for Ki," he then approached the younger and helped him off the floor and out of the room.

As they came into the kitchen the maknaes didn't lose anytime to start questioning what had happen and try to console the main vocalist. "Don't make me pull your ears as well, go wait for us in the entrance, we are all taking a walk. And don't you dare go looking for the hyungs."

Changkyun was really worried about Kihyun and tried to find his eyes, but followed the other two outside after getting nothing.

"Are you okay, baby?" Kihyun nodded and tried to even his breath, but he couldn't stop sobbing. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"L-long sstory.."

"Who hurt you Kihyunnie, I'll go kill him."

"Nno, I- Hoseok hyung went too far with his -his words, but, don't."

Minhyuk sighed and cleaned his dongsaeng face with a wet towel. "Let's get the maknaes something sweet to eat and you something sour to drink in the cafeteria down the street, okay?"

  
Changkyun could barely pay any attention to the stories Hyungwon and Jooheon were sharing and missed Minhyuk stealing some of his ice cream. All he cared about was Kihyun, the older was smiling now but Changkyun knew it was fake and forced, all of them did. "You're not telling us, are you?" he murmured leaning against the main vocalist's shoulder.

"I know it sounds hypocrite after I asked you not to keep things to yourself, but no. It's something I really don't want any of you to worry about.. Hyungs have to sort their shit out in private so maknaes can keep us going with their love and joy, okay?" This time his smile was genuine, and it was all it took for Changkyun to stop worrying over the idea that maybe, maybe they were fighting because of him. Oh, little did he know.

"Okay, hyung.. I just wanted to make sure you were fine."

"I am, baby," he leaned his head over Changkyun's and left it there until they had to leave.

  
During the next days there was a lot of tension among the group, Kihyun and Hyunwoo seemed to have become closer to each other but in a suspicious way — they were hiding something from the rest, and Changkyun was almost sure it had to do with him, because they were now watching over him in a over protective way. Changkyun couldn't help but feel Hoseok was watching him as well, as if analyzing every reaction and movement from the younger. So now he couldn't help but think whatever problem had occurred between Hoseok and the other two was somehow related to himself. How had he become yet again an inconvenience for his hyungs by doing nothing.

"Hyung?" Changkyun walked into the laundry room where Kihyun was attempting to teach Hyunwoo how to properly wash their underwear.

"Yes?" asked both at the same time.

"I need new earphones, mine are not working properly.."

"You can use mine and we'll get you new ones tomorrow, okay?" offered Kihyun snatching the measuring cup from the leader to show him the correct quantity of soap to use.

"But, I want them now, hyung. Yours are not the same. I could go get them by myself.."

"You know the rule, Kyun. We can't go out by ourselves until we get our phones back," Hyunwoo sighed. "Why don't you ask one of the other guys? If they can't go with you then I'll ask manager to buy them for us."

Changkyun pouted but agreed to do so. He didn't want to interrupt their housework because they'd be having a heavy schedule the next day and it was better to get everything done before that.

"Okaaaay."

"Here," Hyunwoo handed him the credit card in a rush realizing he messed up something and tried to fix it before Kihyun could notice. "Please, don't go by yourself."

"I won't Hyungs.."

There was no way any of the other guys would want to accompany him, so he decided to sit in the living room alone, sulking. Hyungwon and Jooheon were together in Jooheon's study, Minhyuk was in his room doing a full hair and skin care routine he didn't dare to interrupt, and he wasn't feeling like asking Hoseok.

"What's your deal?" except he was not alone and had missed Hoseok sitting in the floor using his phone while it charged.

"Goodness. I didn't know you were here, Hoseok-hyung." He sat up feeling awkward.

"I am. What is your deal?" he repeated.

"I just, I needed to get something but since we are not allowed to go out by ourselves I'll have to wait for now.. and without music." It was quit strange to see the youngest without his earbuds on.

"Why don't you borrow Jooheon's headphones?"

"I- I don't feel comfortable using stuff that's not mine," he admitted shyly.

"I'll come with you."

Changkyun thought about it for a second, before nodding. He didn't want to be alone with the second oldest member of their group, but he also didn't want him to get angry at him for rejecting his offer or suspicious at why he would deny his company. "Okay. I'll let Hyunwoo-hyung know we are going out."

"Don't worry, come on. It's late they might close soon."

"Okay."

"Do you have the card?" the taller asked putting his jacket on and passing one to Changkyun.

"Yes, here."

"Good."

Fortunately the store Changkyun preferred to visit was nearby and still open, so they walked there in a uncomfortable but short moment. The older observed the interaction the rapper had with the clerk from a safe distance, pretending to be checking up some music instruments —he was amazed by the maknae's confident behavior when he thought he wasn't being watched. Hoseok could almost swear the guy helping Changkyun was actually flirting with the latter, and he didn't like that. He didn't know if this guy was being too friendly because he recognized who Changkyun was, or if he had other intentions; he also didn't know his dongsaeng's preferences, or if he had any kind of relationship with this guy.

One thing, however, was crystal clear: the purchase of those earphones was taking considerably longer than it should have. So Hoseok walked up to the counter where the store's employee was handing the maknae a small plastic bag with his buy but wouldn't let go of it. He caught some of their conversation—more like the clerk asking the rapper to see each other more often at which Changkyun sounded uncomfortable with by now— before the other guy noticed the presence behind Changkyun and became silent.

"Can I help you?" he asked Hoseok somehow annoyed since the singer didn't have anything in his hands he seemed to want to pay for. Changkyun didn't have to turn to see his hyung behind him for he immediately recognized his scent, very close too him actually.

"I hope you can. Ready to go home, kkukkungie?"

Changkyun felt a shiver run down his spine as his hyung's hand made contact with his lower back. The clerk's attitude changed to one of indifference and annoyance and he excused himself to go help another customer, not even saying goodbye or 'thanks for buying in our store' to the rapper, _too bad_.

As they walked out of the establishment Changkyun tried to free himself from Hoseok's hold but couldn't. The elder brought him closer to his own body by grabbing his waist and decided to not say anything until they were outside of the dorm, when Changkyun questioned what just happened.

"I didn't like that guy, and you were taking too long."

"And what does that have to do with you holding me all the way here? I didn't need you to come and help me if that's what you thought you were doing, and I didn't ask you to come with me for you to rush me. You act like the protector of this group and maybe you are, but it doesn't work in individuals hyung, especially not me. I don't know what happened between Hyunwoo hyung and Kihyun hyung and you, but you just made clear it involves me. Whatever it is you're trying to do, don't. Just stop. I don't like it."

Hoseok was in shock, both amazed by the confidence and speech from the maknae and the meaning of those words. He realized the truth that his discussion with Hyunwoo implied. He realized they, he had been hurting Changkyun and that it was turning into a point where making up for it was not longer a possibility.

The younger bowed at him before entering the house, leaving him outside, alone with his troubling thoughts.

"Here," Changkyun carelessly left the card on the nightstand in Kihyun's room, where he was now attempting to properly teach Hyunwoo how to sew a hole on his jeans even though they had people who could help them with that or just buy a new pair.

"Did you get your earbuds?" asked the main vocalist focusing on threading, and missing the negative attitude of their dongsaeng.

"I did. Hoseok hyung came with me," he assured them he didn't go by himself.

Hyunwoo stopped what he was doing sensing the maknae's anger in his voice. "What happened?"

"You told him, didn't you?" he accused the vocalists, "one of you told Hoseok what I trusted you in confidence and that's the reason you fought," his eyes looked sad and he looked betrayed."Now, he's probably gonna tell the rest and they'll make me a pity party or laugh at me or get me out of the group. I don't need them to like me, okay? And I don't need you to have them accept me. I asked you that. I- this is not what I wanted hyung.." he was talking to both of them and none in particular.

"Baby.." Kihyun called him opening his arms. Hyunwoo was taken aback by the nickname and by Changkyun not hesitating one second before launching himself into Kihyun's arms; he felt something in his stomach he didn't know what it was nor liked feeling.

Hyunwoo got up to leave the room but Kihyun sent him a threatening look that got him closing the door instead, staying with them.

"I don't want them to treat me well if it's not completely honest. Please, I rather feeling I don't belong than being an complete inconvenience."

"You are none of those things, Kyun. Stop thinking that way.. We won't allow that to happen, and you know you can count on us."

"Can I really?" his big glossy eyes traveled to the leader. And the older felt that pang again, only now near his lungs, maybe in his heart..

"Yes," he whispered approaching his dongsaengs and unconsciously allowing his hand to caress Changkyun's cheek.


	7. Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worth it, Changkyun laughed as he cleaned the warm blood off his lip.

"Changkyun.." Hyunwoo called in a whisper after turning the lights off and laying too in the bed but with enough space between him and the other two guys, "do you really feel like you don't belong here?"

"Well.." the youngest let go of Kihyun's embrace so he could turn and face the leader. "At the begging I did for sure, but you already know that from No.Mercy.. Now I don't really care anymore if they don't like me as long as it's sincere."

"You are very special to this group, and to our monbebe, and to us, do you understand that? We both already talked to you, please stop doubting our feelings," Kihyun assured sitting up in the bed.

Is not that Changkyun thought little of their current sincerity or didn't believe in their feelings towards him at all, he just didn't want to be hurt or disappointed if he let them in.

"Yes, hyung."

"Now, I still have to finish some things in the house but you can stay and sleep here tonight, don't worry about the other guys, okay?" Shownu was sitting in the bed to follow the mom of the group but the later stopped him. "Same goes for you, hyung."

"Are you talking with Hoseok hyung?" Changkyun seemed nervous and ready to go after the main vocal as well, feeling like a little kid who just told his parents about another kid bothering him and he now had to stop them from intervening. He didn't want to have them talk to Hoseok and make things even more awkward.

"I'm not, babe. Things are still a bit tense between us anyway. Rest a bit, okay?"

It was only Changkyun and Hyunwoo in the room now, both sitting on Kihyun's bed in the darkness of the night, and not knowing how to act or what to say. Why did they both had to be so weird and quiet?

Hyunwoo decided to lay back down, adopting his characteristic dad pose. The maknae followed the action a few seconds later trying to make the situation more casual. He lied on his side, facing the eldest. "Was Hoseok bad with you?"

"Bad? Not really.. It was, weird. Now I understand why it was more uncomfortable than usual, but then he was, I don't know, like, jealous?"

"Jealous?"

"I don't know hyung, he was protective I guess, but at the same time it was too much, like he had realized how he'd been to me since my arrival to Starship and was trying to make up for it in a matter of minutes."

"I see.." he sighed thinking of the conversation he would be having with the second eldest.

"The other day, Kihyun hyung was crying.. did I cause that?" Had he provoked a discussion or trouble in the relationship of his hyungs? Why couldn't he just be the good maknae Hyunwoo told the public he was?

Just that, no side effects.

"No." Hyunwoo rolled on his side as well, ending with his face only a couple of centimeters away from Changkyun's. He cleared his throat but didn't dare to move. "I- that was my fault. I tried to talk to Hoseok but he misinterpreted things and thought I was nagging him or claiming I.. I fucked up, and he got mad at Kihyunnie too and I got mad too and messed things up even more.. I'm sorry.."

Changkyun didn't know what got into him, he expected himself to space out with dark thoughts keeping him away from Hyunwoo, but instead he pushed his body forward and into the older's personal space, pressing his small frame into his.

"I'm sorry too, you shouldn't have to resolve this."

"Don't be sorry. We both made a promise on the Ferris Wheel, remember? This is both my responsibility and my word.. I can't allow this group to treat one of us like this, I will hold back only because you're asking Kihyun and me to do so, but do keep your promise of not being so dark, and speak up. Talk to us, okay?" he wrapped his arms around the maknae and turned on the bed and on his back so they both were comfortable. "Hoseok and I had yet to give Minhyuk an explanation on what happened, and Hoseok hasn't apologize to Kihyun either.."

Changkyun really wanted to ask the leader to tell him why Kihyun was crying that day, but the vocalist had asked him not to ask back then in the cafe; maybe one day he'd tell Changkyun himself.

"I don't need any of you to look out for me and resolve things I can do by myself.." This brought a little sigh from the eldest, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. "I really appreciate it, though. Thank you, hyung."

Kihyun was on his way back to his room when a door opened ahead of him and he was gently dragged through it.

"Can we talk?"

There was no way Kihyun would be able to avoid having this conversation now by trying to leave, Hoseok wouldn't let him go away even if he answered 'no' to his request. Kihyun also didn't have the heart to keep ignoring the older.

"Okay. Changkyun is in my room, no, you're not going in there. I don't care what happened tonight, yes, he looks upset. No, I'm not telling you what he told me. And yes, I fucking like acting like the mom of the group. Hyung."

Hoseok looked upset, and he was. Upset with the way Kihyun was handling things, upset with Changkyun running away after confusing him with his words, but mostly upset at himself. For being so blind to the consequences little words and actions could cause in any person, especially such harsh treatment over the young and lonely maknae. Absolutely no one deserved to be outcasted like Changkyun had been without reason. And then he had taken the truth as if it was an attack to himself because he knew he had done wrong. He ended up hurting Kihyun too.

"I am sorry, Kihyunnie.." his eyes started filling with tears but he cleaned them before they could wet his face; it was Kihyun who had been hurt the most here, not him, he shouldn't be crying now. "I understand now what Hyunwoo hyung was trying to tell me, and I understand now I've not been acting like the hyung you all deserve.. I should have never speak like that to you or hyung, and I should have never insulted you because of the way you are.. You are the best mom this group could have," he joked with a serious face, "I hope you can forgive me."

"You are an idiot."

Hoseok kept his head down until a pair of small hands lifted his chin and then traveled to his cheeks.

"Don't cry, hyung. You know I'll forgive you no matter what. Just, listen to what Hyunwoo hyung says, and please don't ignore what is going on around the dorm and the company. Kyunnie needs us. And I need you."

The older nodded with want in his eyes, he held back until it was Kihyun who brought them together into a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around the small frame of his band mate. "I need you too, it was hard having you mad at me. I learned the lesson."

Kihyun smiled with confidence, "I know."

Changkyun stirred awake with the annoying murmur of voices around him. Someone was giggling and then he heard a characteristic click clear signal of a picture being taken. He slowly opened his eyes finding Hyunwoo's face unusually close to his, but he didn't have much time to react or take the view in because beyond the leader's head there were two more heads. And yet another one at the feet of the bed, along with the group's ipad. All three pairs of eyes observing him with annoyingly happy expressions. He sat right up and away from Hyunwoo, who only turned face down into the mattress.

"Changkyun-ah, stop moving around would you?" he asked still asleep.

The youngest felt his face heat up from the awkwardness of the situation — though it was only awkward to him while amusing for the rest. Hyungwon and Jooheon were hiding their laughing behind their hands, and Minhyuk was taking even more pictures when Kihyun came alarmed because he couldn't find Hyungwon to wake him up.

"YAA! What are you doing here?" as soon as he entered the room the other three flew as if he was the city's sheriff and they teenagers in a party house full of drugs. They managed to escape successfully but their laughing and screaming awoke Hyunwoo.

The eldest stood up in a rush ready to fight whomever was robbing the dorm only to get dizzy and have to sit back on the bed.

"Just your three annoying daughters. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just got up too fast and it made me dizzy-"

"Not you. Did they bother you, baby?"

Changkyun wanted to laugh at Kihyun ignoring the eldest and treating him like his favorite —as he had previously refereed to all of them—child, but only smiled a little. "They took pictures, hyung."

Hyunwoo huffed but smiled warmly too. "How are you feeling today?"

"Much better, really," he was being sincere. And despite having seen Hyunwoo almost every morning for the past months he felt his heart fluttering at the sight of the leader's bed hair and sleepy face.

"I'm glad.." he was staring at Changkyun but shook his head in realization and turned to Kihyun. "Did you sleep here too last night?"

"No.. I sorted things out with Hoseok hyung; we are fine.." he blushed and the others noticed this but decided not to ask. "Anyway, you two should take a shower now, breakfast is almost ready and we should be leaving soon," and with that he left them alone.

"You should go first," offered Hyunwoo popping his neck and back.

"We should save water and shower together," said Changkyun without thinking. He was pretty bald and weird when he felt comfortable with someone. But Hyunwoo's shocked expression made him realize what he had just said and instead of explaining he flew the room.

"What if I had agreed?" murmured Hyunwoo getting up and out too.

At the company Hyungwon was being uncharacteristically friendly with Changkyun, not leaving his side all day. The rapper had thought this was Hoseok's making, but it seemed like the model was also avoiding their hyung, who was spending their vocal lessons stick to Kihyun.

"Is everything alright, hyung?" Changkyun asked as they waited in the building's cafeteria for their drinks.

"Huh?" Hyungwon feigned not understanding and proceeded to pay for their coffees.

"I don't mean to be mean, and is not that I don't appreciate or like your company.. but you've never been this close to me before, it's rare. I can sense something is troubling you, and hyung, you can trust me.."

Would they trust a secret to him or was he still a stranger for them? It was the moment to know.

"Please don't tell anyone, Kyunnie."

At least it seemed Hyungwon was opening to him.

"It's only for today, I didn't want to be alone. That's it."

Or not.

They went back upstairs where the rest was waiting for them to have a meeting to agree on details regarding their upcoming presentations. Fortunately there weren't debates of any kind and the meeting was over with good decisions taken. Hyunwoo let him know he was not going with them home yet having leader stuff to do before the day was over; Jooheon and Minhyuk had left already because it was their turn to prepare dinner and they needed to pass to the grocery store first, and Kihyun and Hoseok stayed back in the practice room to 'go over some choreography Kihyun still struggled with.'

Hyungwon didn't even ask, he only followed the maknae to his studio to retrieve some notebook and USB with raps he had yet to finish. Changkyun didn't question this either, there was something clearly going on between Hyungwon and Hoseok, and even though Changkyun wanted to know what it was and if it was somehow related to the problem he himself had he decided to not inquire deeper.

"I have to pee, you wait for me here?" The taller asked as they approached the studio.

"Okay.."

More than sad or angry, the elder looked tired. Done with whatever his problem was. Changkyun was going through a shelf full of books in search of his when the door closed.

"How's the idol life treating you, bitch?"

Changkyun was surprised because they haven't called him that since he debuted.

"Guys! Where have you been while I was on stage? How's being stuck training treating you?"

_Worth it_, Changkyun laughed as he cleaned the warm blood off his lip.

"You seriously need to learn your place, bitch," the tallest of them warned, but Changkyun only shrugged.

He didn't even bother on learning their names, telling an adult about what was going on would also be a loss of time.

"You want to die?" another one asked, his face contorted with anger.

"Hyung, I'm already dead inside," he smirked. Ironically, provoking them was the best mechanism of defense he could do at the moment. That way their words didn't affect him.

The third one of them was about to go for another punch to the rapper when the door opened and Hyungwon looked at them unimpressed. "Get out of here before I make sure you're as dead as your fucking nonexistent career... Really?" He asked Changkyun once the trainees had left.

"Please don't tell anyone, Wonnie," he mocked his hyung in a rude manner. Hyungwon only stared at him in shock, and didn't follow Changkyun home.


	8. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was definitely something Changkyun had missed or the others were hiding from him. Should he be worried too?

The way Changkyun acted was immature and could only be compared to that of a little kid not sharing his toy with someone because they had refused to share theirs with him once in the past. Hyungwon was still treating him different from the other members, so what? He was not better by treating him back the same way. This, however, didn't mean he was going to be nice and naive and go running to the taller to apologize, no. So far, the only two who deserved that from him were Kihyun and Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo looked worried, though, and that only made Changkyun's stomach feel upset. It was two in the morning and Hyungwon hadn't come back to the dorm. Kihyun and Wonho where already sleeping, and Jooheon and Minhyuk where playing some game on the computer to stay awake despite the leader telling them it was okay if they went to sleep already. It was at three am that they fell asleep on the couch and had to be moved to their beds by Hyunwoo.

"You should go to sleep too, Kyunnie," he yawned coming back to the living room. "I'll be okay waiting for him by myself."

Changkyun shook his head and waited for Hyunwoo to sit beside him so he could lay his head on the older's shoulder. "I have something to tell you.." Hyunwoo moved at his side but he refused to meet his eyes. "Today Hyungwon hyung was acting strange, like he didn't want to be near you guys.. especially Kihyun and Hoseok hyung."

"Yeah, I noticed.. That's why I'm worried."

There was definitely something Changkyun had missed or the others were hiding from him. Should he be worried too? Had it something to do with Kihyun and Hoseok hanging out all day? Or with Changkyun?

"I also or not kind of may have or not made him rather upset I don't know.."

"What? What do you mean?"

Changkyun shook his head again, and the dorm's door opened at that moment. It was Hyungwon, of course.

"Hyung.." Changkyun immediately turned to Hyunwoo, whose body had tensed up as soon as Hyungwon appeared in front of them. His face darkened in a way Changkyun had never seen, and it made him shiver. He didn't know why he was feeling so guilty and protective over Hyungwon, "don't-"

But Hyunwoo didn't allow him to try and intercede for the model. "Go to sleep, Changkyun," and he aggressively removed the maknae's hand from his wrist.

Changkyun wished it had been Kihyun who stayed behind to wait for Hyungwon instead, that way he would have taken care of him like he had done with Changkyun, instead of giving him the lecture Changkyun was sure Hyunwoo was about to throw on Hyungwon.

"Outside." Hyungwon didn't have a chance to explain himself before the leader was pushing him towards the entrance.

Changkyun followed them at this.

"Who was it?" the calmed yet serious tone in Hyunwoo's voice made his dongsaengs nervous. "You drank."

"Yes.."

"You like getting beaten up when you're drunk? Who the fuck did you pick up a fight with?"

It kind of surprised Changkyun that Hyunwoo had noticed Hyungwon had some cuts and blood covering the back of his hands since he hadn't mention Changkyun's swollen lip.

The visual didn't answer, and that only made Hyunwoo more impatient.

"You think you can come at three in the morning on a scheduled day, drunk, and covered in bruises, and have no consequences?"

Changkyun had done so before, and Hyunwoo didn't notice back then..

"Hyunwoo you're my leader, not my dad."

"Watch the way you talk to me," Hyunwoo stepped closer to Hyungwon provoking Changkyun to do the same, his instinct telling him to stop the situation from escalating further.

Their group had their awkward and tense moments from time to time, of course. They were still getting little results from their hard and tiring work and dedication, but it was all part of being an idol. They just needed to have more communication.

"Hyung," the youngest hugged Hyunwoo's arm and pulled a bit trying to take the attention away from the sad looking boy in front of them, "we should go to sleep. You can talk about this tomorrow once he's sober and you more calmed."

"Calmed?" Hyunwoo took a deep breath and freed up himself from the other's hold, then he directed one last angry look at Hyungwon and walked to his room.

"You're nosy," huffed Hyungwon.

"Hyung, he was very worried.. are you okay?" He gestured towards his hand.

"I am. Not your problem."

Changkyun stopped Hyungwon before he could get to the bathroom.

"You can take my bed today, if you want.." the youngest offered thinking Hyungwon may not want to stay in the same space Hyunwoo was at the moment. And he was right.

"Thank you."

Changkyun realized his offering was a mistake. Hyungwon had the top bunk on his shared room, the lower ones occupied by the leader and the main rapper. Changkyun had never been able to sleep in a top bunk. He had tried throughout all his life, but for some reason he just couldn't fall asleep when lying on a top bunk. He sighed turning to go out of the room and into the living room to stay in the sofa, where he surely would get more rest.

"What are you doing?"

Hyunwoo almost gave him a heart attack, he was standing in front of him, maybe just coming to his room after going to the bathroom. He was shirtless and wearing his glasses, and that only made Changkyun unable to answer.

"Where's Hyungwon?"

"I let him take my bed."

"And where are you going then?" he pointed towards the model bunk.

"Um.. I forgot he had a top bunk, I can't sleep in those.."

Hyunwoo looked unbelieving, but he dropped his gesture a bit, pointing now to his own bed.

Changkyun was afraid the older may be able to hear his increasing heart beat, and blaming it on the fatigue and emotions of the day he decided not to argue or question the other's offering but take it. He had sleep in company of the vocalist just the night before, but the situation was different, and now he was willingly following the order of sharing a small bunk, not Kihyun's larger bed. For Changkyun it was like being left alone with your crush by your friends, awkward but something to be grateful for.

How disappointing was, however, to see the leader going up the ladder of Jooheon's bed, taking the top bunk left.

Changkyun couldn't help feeling like an idiot. And he fell asleep like that, surrounded by the eldest' scent.

"Time to wake up, baby."

"Hyung," Changkyun felt like he had barely slept an hour, "you should go to Hyungwon hyung.. please, before Hyunwoo hyu-ng..."

The leader was standing behind Kihyun and Changkyun had realized just in time before saying anything more about him. He had a blank stare, as if it had been Changkyun who was out late instead of the model and they were about to scold him.

"Go take a shower, okay? Don't worry.."

That day Changkyun felt like back before their debut regarding the eldest of them. He was for sure ignoring the rapper. Treating him like a person he just worked with instead of his member. It was a bit discouraging for the maknae, he thought he was getting closer to Hyunwoo.

"What happened to you?" Hoseok asked suddenly during their break. Changkyun followed his line of sight only to find two of the three trainees he was so familiar with looking like they had been into a fight with a wrestler.

The trainees shook their heads and bowed before continuing their way, but Changkyun did notice them taking a quick glance towards Hyungwon. And so did Hyunwoo probably, because he was now dragging the model out of the practice room.

"What's going on?" Hoseok tried to follow them but was stopped by Kihyun, unlike Changkyun.

"Hyung, wait!" He managed to get into the studio before Hyunwoo closed the door.

"How irresponsible can you be to beat up trainees? Are you out of your mind?"

"Stop fucking dragging me around like a doll! What do you care on what I do in my free time?" Hyungwon hid his hands on his hoodie pockets and turned his back to them.

"So this is a hobby for you? Beating trainees without reason just because you already debuted and they can't hit your face?"

"Who said I did it without a reason? And they don't care on beating an idol's face.. as long as you don't notice."

"What's that supposed to mean? What reason?"

"Don't," murmured Changkyun when Hyungwon fixed his stare on him.

"You told him about me, why shouldn't I do the same?"

"I didn't ask you to do that, don't blame it on me."

"What are you talking about?" Hyunwoo was growing impatient at the other's coded conversation. "What does Changkyun have to do with you fighting the trainees?"

"Nothing," Changkyun was getting dizzy. Hyunwoo shouldn't know the truth.

"Common hyung, isn't it obvious? It goes perfectly with his story. Of course it had to be him, the whole victim plot."

"Stop," Changkyun was feeling anxious. Why had Hyungwon hit the trainees for him if he was going to treat him this way? He should have just let it go and let them keep bullying the maknae.

It took Hyunwoo a second more to understand, and only now he was aware of the little bruise and cut on Changkyun's lip. His mind then reminded him of other little injuries and discomforts the maknae had shown in the past months. Changkyun had hidden this from him, and he hadn't paid enough attention to realize something was wrong. Did the youngest still not trusted him enough? He shouldn't be the leader if this was happening to one of his members and he knew nothing about it.

"Changkyun!"

The rapper stormed out of the room not listening to his hyungs' calls. Hyungwon was probably going to tell the rest of the group about what the other trainees did to him. He had managed to hide it for so long and now they were going to pity him, or maybe tease him about it.

Once he came back into the practice room, he joined Jooheon and Minhyuk on their conversation, barely participating.

The next morning Changkyun was baffled at why Kihyun woke him up as usual instead of worried or nagging. Then when he walked into the kitchen and no one mentioned the trainees topic he became suspicious. They were not that good at acting at this time in the morning, if Hyungwon and Hyunwoo had mentioned the problem they would for sure be all over him either in a good or a bad way. But it was as if nothing had ever happened.

Everyone was acting as usual, even Hyungwon.

"Good morning," the eldest greeted the youngest with a nervous smile.

"Morning.."

Changkyun sat down eyeing ever single one of his members for about ten seconds each.

"Don't stare at people," Hyungwon murmured on his other side. "It's rude."

"Is it?" he murmured barely touching his breakfast.

"I'm sorry, for yesterday.. Don't ask but, I have my own problems and I let the anger out on you instead of.. well, don't ask."

"You told hyung.."

They were murmuring so the other members didn't know what was happening, only Hyunwoo was observing them from Changkyun's other side.

"I'm sorry..."

"You didn't tell the rest.."

"I won't."

They finished eating and got on their ways to do some recording for their promotions. Changkyun wore his earphones all the time, but since he was usually like that no one questioned him. Hyunwoo visibly wanted to approach the rapper but everytime he tried to start a conversation he would withdraw last second.

"Changkyun, wait.." Hyunwoo managed to get a hold of the maknae as they were getting down of the vans in a cafe for something to drink before going home.

"Yes?"

Changkyun had to turn off his music because their manager was observing their interaction from a close distance.

Hyunwoo noticed this too but he wasn't letting his opportunity go.

"Let's get some cake, should we?"

Changkyun didn't have option but to follow his hyung into the establishment and stand by his side on the line.

"I'm sorry."

Hyunwoo was pretending to be talking about the coffee by pointing at the menu in front of them.

"About what, exactly?"

"Behaving so intense with Hyungwon.. and for not realizing before that you were being.. well.."

"Don't, please. I decided to keep it to myself for a reason. And I told you not to try to intervene in making everyone like me or treat me 'right.'"

"I know.. you also promised to tell me everything, or not hide everything at least. Two iced americanos and a chocolate lava cake slide, please."

"Yes," they sat by the window to wait for their order. "But I have that particular situation handled.. and Hyungwon already did something about it."

"I'll respect your decision. I hope you respect my decision of doing something about it myself if I ever happen to get in those trainees way.."

Changkyun couldn't hide his smile.

"Only if I can watch."


	9. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Clan Pt. 1 Lost  
Confessions time

_All in_ was getting a really good response from the fans and international audience, and Changkyun was satisfied with his presentation. The making of the video, even if confusing, was very nice to do in company of his hyungs. Of course they had some discussions on what the whole album was about and what the fans thought it could be going on, but Changkyun could sense a particular tension between Hyungwon and the rest of the members.

Except today it wasn't the best moment for them to be awkward around each other. They had sold out Blue Square Samsung Card Hall in five minutes, they couldn't disappoint all these fans that had put in so much for them.

"You and Minhyuk are the main characters of all this. We all agreed to this message since we decided to join Starship; that includes you, hyung," Changkyun overheard Jooheon discussing with Hyungwon inside of their dressing room. "You shouldn't worry about it, he won't notice. He didn't say anything about the music video."

"Because he probably didn't even watch it."

"It's gonna be okay," Hyunwoo was there too." The presentation is not the video, the lyrics song are not obvious. If he notices something, there's no way he can claim anything to you about it. Don't worry."

"He'll see us at the end of the concert. What if he notices something about Hoseok and Kihyun hyungs?"

"What about them?" asked Jooheon suspicious but didn't get a reply.

Changkyun was barely understanding anything, so he decided it was time to stop hiding and entered the room. "Kihyun hyung told me to come and get you, hyungs."

Hyungwon stormed out of the room while Jooheon only smiled and followed.

"Is there something wrong, hyung?"

Hyunwoo sighed and nodded, "yes, but right now it's not the best moment to talk about it. Let's focus on the concert, okay?" Changkyun lowered his head in thought. "Aigoo, stop looking so worried, babe."

The maknae's heart did two things in a matter of seconds, first it completely stopped (or Changkyun felt so) and then it started beating so fast he may have been going under tachycardia. Kihyun used to call him 'baby', but because he rather actually considered Changkyun his baby, his son. But despite them playing around as if Kihyun was the mother and Hyunwoo their father, the leader had never addressed any of them (except Jooheon) with a nickname like this.

Not to make the situation awkward, Changkyun pretended he was okay with the name and accepted his hyung's half hug and walked by his side towards the stage.

The whole show was a success. Changkyun felt like crying because it was a feeling even better than being home surrounded by your family watching a Christmas film while enjoying some hot chocolate. It made him forget about every problem or hardship they've had so far while in Monsta X. It made him feel like he had been with these guys for years and years, and it also made him feel as if he knew every single Monbebe present and not present.

This was it, the best sensation in the world. What he had been working so hard to get.

And then he looked at each one of his band mates, and they looked just as happy, returning his stare with a smile just as big as his, as if telling him they were thinking and feeling alike. But Hyunwoo, his eyes where filled with a deeper meaning Changkyun could not decipher.

As they came down of the stage, he noticed Hyungwon having a serious conversation with Hoseok and Kihyun, in which the eldest seemed upset and the main vocalist rather ashamed. Changkyun was still unaware of the real meaning of their discussion, but he had been observing and had some theories of his own. Hopefully Hyunwoo would give him answers.

"How are you?"

"That was amazing," Changkyun laughed and this only made the leader happier. To see their maknae like this it was something even more amazing than seeing their fans.

All of them, even Hyungwon standing uncomfortable in the middle of the room smiled at his excitement.

The door of the backstage room opened a second later, revealing some of their parents, whom each member went to greet. Changkyun was very respectful and tried not to be dark when being introduced to them. His own parents were at the States by the moment so they couldn't assist.

The families all went to dine together alongside Monsta X, and fortunately Jooheon didn't let the maknae away from his side, entertaining him and avoiding any awkward situation that could develop from interacting with any of the other parents. Likewise, Hyunwoo would gaze at the youngest from time to time, making sure he wasn't looking uncomfortable or overwhelmed.

At some point, the parents brought out the topic of All In's music video, more specifically about Hyungwon and Minhyuk's scenes. Changkyun noticed the six of his hyungs growing anxious or tense.

"I haven't had the opportunity to watch it, what is it that they do?" Hyungwon's dad asked putting his silverware down.

"Uh, we are like the main characters, and we.." Minhyuk began carefully. Even Changkyun who didn't know what was going on in reality felt like he needed to save the moment from the truth he also didn't know about.

"Hyungwon hyung and Minhyuk hyung take care of the rest of us by giving us this blue flower that helps us stay alive." All eyes on him, Hyungwon and Minhyuk seemed kind of relieved. But not the model's father.

"The youngest shouldn't interrupt like that, should he?"

Now every member was tense—Hoseok and Hyunwoo keeping their chins up with a rather protective attitude—, even some of the parents. "I'm sorry," he bowed his head.

"Where are your parents at?"

"They don't live in Korea, sir."

"Where did you grow up?"

"I've lived in America and Israel, but I came back to South Korea by myself to debut, sir."

"I see.. You're too young, where did you graduate?"

"I didn't.."

"Father," Hyungwon interrupted, fortunately the waiter was back with the check, and since the model's father had offered to pay he was distracted from interrogating the maknae.

Both of Changkyun's hands were held under the table, but the sensations at it where very different. While Jooheon's grip gave him reassurance and support, Hyunwoo's thumb caressed the back of his other hand distracting and calming him.

They were back at the dorm an hour later, the tiredness from the concert finally catching up with them. "You okay, baby?" Kihyun asked the youngest from the bathroom's door, where Changkyun was getting ready to go to bed.

"I am.. Can I ask you something, hyung?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Are you and Hoseok hyung, something..?"

"What do you mean?"

Changkyun was not so sure about his question any longer. He had been thinking about his hyung's friendship, which was very different from those with the rest of the guys.

"I, never mind."

"Changkyun," the older closed the door behind him as he stepped inside of the room. "I think you noticed something, and I don't want you to think you misunderstood or anything, but I also need you to keep it a secret. Okay?" Changkyun immediately nodded, he would never betray Kihyun's trust. "I really hope too that you accept it and don't feel uncomfortable about it, but if you do, please, do tell me, okay?" Changkyun nodded once again. "We are.. dating."

"Oh.."

"Wasn't that what you were asking? Oh my God.."

"No no, it is. I think.. I'm not sure. I did notice you became closer to each other after the incident when Hoseok hyung went mad."

Kihyun laughed at the choice of words.

"Are you.. okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay with it? It's your life hyung, I mean.. I'm not uncomfortable or anything. As long as it doesn't affect the group if you guys break up..."

"Yeah, we've talked about it a lot, Hyunwoo hyung and Hyungwonnie are also aware of the situation.."

"Is that why Hyungwon hyung..?"

"Yes. His father isn't really fond of the idea of two guys seeing each other. I guess it has influenced Won..."

"I see."

"Is everything okay in there?" two knocks on the door brought them out of their conversation.

"Coming, Seok," Kihyun turned back to Changkyun as he opened the door, "rest as much as you can, okay? We have schedule on the afternoon."

"Yes, hyung. Good night Hoseok hyung."

"Good night, kkukkungie."

Changkyun finished his skin care routine without opening his eyes. His body felt extremely heavy from fatigue. He changed his clothes for pajamas sitting over the toilet lid, so he didn't notice falling asleep in the middle of putting some pants on.

A soft laughing eased his tired mind, and a heavenly warmth surrounded his tired body. His instinct was to cling to the warmth and not let go even when the other person attempted to let him down on his bed.

"You should take him with you, hyung; or stay here. He's getting even more clingy than Jooheon lately," Minhyuk's soft voice and laugh earned a happy sigh from the sleepy maknae. He wasn't entirely asleep but he was way far from being awake. "Jooheon would get jealous if he wakes up again to find you two sleeping together, though. There's a lot of favoritism in this household, hyung. But is never for me.."

"Don't be dramatic Minnie, you know I love you too," Hyunwoo didn't have other option but to lay down in Changkyun's bed, but as he tried to get up without the maknae he found himself trapped in his embrace.

"Not the same way.." murmured Minhyuk with an obvious teasing smile. "Gnight, hyung."

"I know you're not asleep.. but I guess I'll keep up with you. Because if you were awake, I don't think I would have the courage to tell you how I felt today.. I really love to see you smile on stage, and seeing you enjoying yourself and looking at our Monbebe with so much love.. I wish you would look at me like that."

Changkyun had his eyes wide open, his face hidden in Hyunwoo's chest. He was about to panic, but tried to keep his breathing even.. what was going on? Wasn't this too much? They weren't that close. He hadn't make anything for the older to even like him let alone fall in love with him or be attracted to him. Was this a joke? Was he teasing him? Not fair. He had been feeling attracted to the leader for a long time now, he didn't need his hopes built up just to be wrecked down and broken.

"This is not pity.. I'm saying this like a man, not like a band mate or a friend. I don't know your likes, but if I misunderstood the signals, please forgive me, and don't be awkward around me. I don't know why I am confessing all this shit, it must be the fatigue, I really hope you're not awake."

"What if I am awake?" Changkyun whispered and felt the other's body stiffen. He really had been thinking Changkyun was sleeping all this time.

"I- Changkyun.. I-"

Hyunwoo tried to back away from the rapper, but Changkyun looked at him with fear. He should have keep pretending to be asleep. "Hyung. Don't go.."

"I fucked up, didn't I?"

"No.."

"Changkyun."

"Please, stay. We can talk about this tomorrow."

"Okay," Hyunwoo decided to take responsibility over his actions and words and came back closer to the other. "It was all truth, though."

"I really hope so," he hid his face on the older's shoulder and tightened his hug on Hyunwoo's waist.

If this was a dream, Changkyun was going to kill whomever dared to wake him up, even Kihyun.

"So intense."

"Jesus Christ, Minhyuk!"

Changkyun had ended up pushing their leader off the bed when both jumped in a start at Minhyuk's closeness. He had been witnessing the interaction from the end of the bed. "Hyung, what the fuck?"

"Oh my God Changkyun he just confessed and you are already practicing domestic violence," he went to help Hyunwoo up, but the oldest only looked at him in anger.

"You really shouldn't butt in in this kind of private conversations Minhyuk."

"Sorry hyung, I couldn't help. But I want you both to know that I totally ship you and I will keep the secret if you want me to. But if Jooheony asks yes or no questions then I won't be able to conceal the truth."

"Minhyuk. Please, go to sleep. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk legit be like: A VER BÉSENSE!


	10. Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Clan Pt. 2 Guilty  
More confessions time(?

Hyungwon was looking at his friends with pure fear in his eyes, making them feel even more anxious. They were all sweaty because of the chasing after the model, who was now cornered by them on an abandoned building in the middle of the night, the only way out for him would be if he jumped into the river — everyone was worried he would actually do this.

His heart was pumping on this chest with the same strength his head was giving him a hard time. His fingers were tingling and his hands were begging to get numb too.

He looked at each one of his members to the eye. Hyunwoo was shaking his head and had his arms in front of him as if ready to jump and grab Hyungwon. Hoseok had tears and a look of desperation in his eyes. Minhyuk was frowning with confusion and possible anger, opening and closing his fists endlessly. Kihyun was offering his hands to him, and a look of love on his face. Jooheon was in a position similar to Hyunwoo's, but his eyes were the same as Hoseok's. Changkyun, however, was smiling. Not a reassuring smile, but a wicked one. And Hyungwon was filled with an even deeper feeling of sorrow and sadness.

That's what made it.

Hyungwon stepped back, into the river.

The cold water envolved him with an unforgiving hug, his lungs closed before this and eventually he closed his eyes and opened his mouth to welcome the water in.

No one jumped to help him out. And he was rather thankful.

"Changkyun!"

His body was covered in cold sweat, his hands numb, and his heart and head pounding. He sat up and his hands immediately closed around his neck as he tried to get some air into his lungs.

"Common Kyun, breathe please. You're okay, I'm here. I'm here."

His eyes regained focus and he noticed Hyunwoo's worried face.

He was himself again. He was in the dorm. With Hyunwoo. And he was fine. It had all just been an unsettling and very realistic nightmare. And he was left with a weird feeling of guilt.

"Hyung," he couldn't stop the upcoming tears and sobs ripping his throat.

"It's okay, I'm here," the leader held him in a tight hug, rocking their bodies back and forth to help him calm down.

"Here," Changkyun heard Minhyuk whisper and then Hyunwoo was holding him by the shoulders to get some space between them. "Kihyun help me made it so it should actually help and not intoxicate him."

"Thank you," Hyunwoo accepted the cup Minhyuk was offering him, and helped Changkyun drink some of it.

"Shouldn't we modify today's schedule, hyung?" Minhyuk asked sitting by Changkyun's other side on the bed to play with his hair and caress his shoulder.

"No," with a raspy voice, Changkyun answered instead.

"If you need some more rest we can do it, Kyun."

Changkyun turned now to Hyunwoo, who probably couldn't even see the maknae's face clearly without his glasses, but was looking at him with a combination of the looks Kihyun and Hoseok were looking at him—or rather at Hyungwon— in his dream.

"No, I- I'm fine. Sorry, it was a realistic nightmare, but I'm fine now."

"Wanna talk about it, baby?" Minhyuk asked with a frown.

"No, I don't remember much of it anymore anyway. Sorry I worried you, hyungs."

"Don't apologize.. You're sweaty and Kihyun will kill us if we don't get ready soon, we should take a shower."

"Not at the same time I hope," Minhyuk teased causing the other two to blush.

"Min.." Hyunwoo warned with a small smile.

"Okay okay, but you better hurry. Kihyunnie was already on stage four of waking Hyungwon up, he looks more death than usually today."

Changkyun felt dizzy at those words, and Hyunwoo probably noticed because he held and squeezed his hand before helping him get off the bed.

It was kind of obvious the leader wanted to talk about the previous night events and words shared, but maybe this wasn't the right time, so he left the room after giving the maknae's hand a last reassuring squeeze.

"You alright Kyunnie?" Minhyuk asked once they were alone. "If there's something bothering you, you know you can trust me.. right?" He hesitated at the end of the question, aware of the distance still present in their relationship.

"Yes.. Everything's fine."

But it wasn't really. He felt feverish, and overwhelmed. Taking a shower didn't exactly help him clear up his mind, it only gave him more time to overthink everything. What had that dream come from, what was the meaning of it, and why had it bothered him so much? What was going to happen now with Hyunwoo, what would their relationship be like if they did or didn't ignore what they had said, what would the others think? The water hitting his skin didn't make him feel better either.

"Good morning," Kihyun greeted with a smile when Changkyun walked into the kitchen, Hoseok only smiled, and the rest didn't even look up.

Changkyun was only relieved to see Hyungwon was already there and looking fine, if only a little sleepy.

He decided to sit next to Hyunwoo, because even though he was feeling awkward now looking at him, he always felt safer when sitting or standing besides the leader.

Eventually, Jooheon started a conversation with Changkyun. They discussed some raps and things to do on their next performance that night. The rest only listened and nodded when they liked an idea. An hour later their manager sent someone to pick them up to get to their next concert venue. Changkyun entered the van first, sitting on the back of it, and Hyunwoo who usually sat at the passenger seat in front, slide into the spot next to Changkyun.

The youngest's heart started beating fast on his chest once he realized who had decided to be his neighbor. As he usually wore his earphones on long trips like this one, Changkyun didn't know if he should refrain from doing so this time. He also didn't know if the older had decided to sit next to him because he wanted to talk about what had happened. Or if he had to make conversation with him. It was getting awkward really fast.

Fortunately, maybe, Minhyuk noticed Hyunwoo's decision before anyone else got into the van, and sat on Hyunwoo's other side. Jooheon who usually sat with him looked confused but let it go as Hoseok dragged him with him and Hyungwon to watch him play a game they'd been talking about the last weeks. Kihyun gave Hyunwoo a knowing smile and took his place besides the driver.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Huh? Yes, I don't even remember what the dream was about," he lied.

Hyunwoo smiled and laid back on his seat. "You're lying," but he didn't ask further. Instead, he took Changkyun's hand in his and turned his head to watch the younger blush.

"Hyung.. Is this a joke?" he asked with a small voice. He didn't want to feel vulnerable but if he spoke aloud the others would know something was going on.

"What? Changkyun, no. I told you last night I meant all I said.."

Both guys had a shy personality when it came down to this kind of conversation or interaction, so Hyunwoo slowly let go of the rapper's hand and started playing with his sleeves.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" The oldest asked with an uncharacteristic cautiousness.

"Yes. But only because I am awkward and maybe insecure.. because I still can't believe what you said is true.. And again, not because of you but because of me. Why would you like me?" He whispered the last part.

Is not that he wasn't confident or thought little of himself, but he was not convinced of someone like Hyunwoo being attracted to him when they had interacted so little and had such good looking members like Hyungwon and Minhyuk.

"I don't know, Changkyun. I just do, and I promise you my feelings are legit and not just transitory.. I understand if you don't-"

"No, I do. I mean. I am not sure if I like you the same way, I think I'd need time.. because you've been nice to me and I feel safe around you but I'm not sure my feelings go further than gratefulness. But I'm sure I don't want to hurt you or waste your time.. that's why I am telling you all this."

Changkyun wouldn't look up, but he could feel the leader's stare on him. And with his peripheral vision noticed the other hang his head on defeat.

"I know.. I'm sorry if this puts you under stress, I know we have to focus on the comeback and all..," he cleared his throat, "sorry."

Changkyun scanned the interior of the vehicle, Kihyun was concentrated on the road, the three of his hyungs playing on the tablet were almost screaming at the oldest of them engaged on the game, and Minhyuk had his headphones on and was fixing his hair on a mirror. Changkyun then gathered all the courage and boldness on his body to brace himself to Hyunwoo's arm, pushing his frame against the other's body, and leaning his head on the broad shoulder of his leader. "Just give me time, hyung. Not time alone, but time by your side to sort out my feelings.."

"Whatever you need Kyunnie," Hyunwoo's smile was obvious in his voice. He placed his free hand on Changkyun's knee and tried to get some sleep during the rest of the trip.

During the rehearsal and outfit fitting Hyunwoo and Changkyun only got to be together for some minutes, and even then they were accompanied by other members.

The show was as perfect as it could've been. They all enjoyed themselves and monbebe gave them the energy to continue no matter what. Once it was over, Monsta went backstage to change into comfortable clothing.

"There's a little commotion outside so we'll have to wait a bit longer before heading out," their manager informed Hyunwoo. The leader then told the news to his dongsaengs, Kihyun and Hoseok decided to take a walk around the building; Hyungwon and Jooheon grabbed the tablet to keep playing the now kind of annoying game, while Minhyuk took a nap lying over their laps.

Changkyun was going through the snacks' table when the oldest approached him. "Hi," he greeted covering his mouth with his right hand.

"I'm going to the front of the building to get some coffee, wanna come?"

Changkyun didn't hesitate a second to answer with a decided nod and followed his hyung through the hall. They walked towards the shop in silence, bought their drinks in the same way, and started their way back non differently. That is, until Hyunwoo took a turn on a narrow hall halfway to their backstage room.

"Where are you going?" Changkyun tracked behind him.

"Just need some fresh air.." he offered the other a hand.

The maknae was a little doubtful now, what if this was a plan to leave Changkyun behind like they had done in Germany. What if behind that door there was the rest of the group ready to laugh at him.

Stop being suspicious of him, Changkyun. He went to grab his hyung's hand and found himself alongside him in a terrace-like place outside of the building.

"How do you know about this place?"

"I've performed here before, as a dancer. One of my crew members brought me here to take a smoke. I don't smoke," he added at Changkyun's wide opened eyes.

They sipped their coffees enjoying the calmness of the night.

"Can the other guys know about.. this?" Changkyun asked looking at their joined hands.

"I think it'd be better if only Minhyuk and perhaps Kihyun know.. for now, at least."

The younger nodded in agreement. "And, what is this exactly..?"

"Whatever you want it to be."

"I want to know what you want, hyung."

Hyunwoo remained silent for a while, then pulled the smaller's body towards his own.

"I want to be there when you need someone, I want to spend good time together — be it going out on a date or just sitting besides each other on the practice room while the rest is fooling around. I want to make you happy, and I want you to trust on me, to tell me when you want to be alone, when you need me to stop being all over you or stop talking because this is probably the longest thing I've told you before. I want to be good friends, even if we are nothing else."

"I'll tell you everything that's going on on my mind.. someday... I know I am somber, hyung, but I also know you like it," and he was being cocky now. Looking at Hyunwoo with innocent eyes but a playful smile.

"How come?" he raised an eyebrow and took another sip of his drink.

Changkyun had always wondered what kissing a guy would be like. He had only kissed a couple of girls before, but didn't like it. And now, Hyunwoo was mere centimeters away from him, he just needed to stand on his tiptoes and kiss him. The oldest eyes were fixed on him, and he visibly gulped.

The door behind Changkyun was opened and they put some space between them at a lightning's speed. Great.

"Sorry if I interrupted, but Jooheon and Hyungwon were about to look for you so I had to find you first. Manager told us to be on the gate in ten."

"Thanks, Minhyuk," Hyunwoo didn't hide the annoyance on his voice.

Once the visual was back inside the leader followed, but a warmth around his wrist stopped him.

"He said ten.." Changkyun looked annoyed as well. But all anger was rapidly replaced by nervousness and shock. In a matter of seconds Hyunwoo had put their drinks on the floor near the door, and taken Changkyun head on his hands. His lips were now pressing against Changkyun's and his eyes were closed—unlike Changkyun's which were wide open, his hands were held in the air not knowing what to do with them, and his lips were still.

Hyunwoo didn't pull apart at the younger's reaction, instead he started moving his lips in a slow kiss and caressed his cheeks with his thumbs. Eventually the maknae gathered courage to wrap his arms around the taller's waist, and tried to follow the kiss. "I'm sorry," he apologize when his sloppy kiss caused his teeth to sting the older's lower lip. They kept their eyes closed, breathing in the other's face as they didn't move apart. "It's the first time I kiss a man," he confessed.

"I've tried it before," Hyunwoo murmured, "and I think it's way better than kissing a girl. Then you.. That's the best," he confessed and Changkyun blushed.

"I can't believe I just kissed Son Hyunwoo."

The leader laughed and began another kiss, this time taking it a bit further and demanding entrance to his mouth by pressing his tongue against Changkyun's teeth. Now this was another first time for Changkyun. He was obviously inexperienced and this made him a little insecure. What if Hyunwoo didn't like it? He had just eaten some snacks before they went to get their iced americanos. His doubts went away when the older wrapped his arms around him and stopped the kiss to whisper on his ear, "I can't believe I just kissed Im Changkyun.."

"And I can't believe I have to keep witnessing your relation's development."

Minhyuk was seriously not paid enough.


	11. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo picked up a beautiful but black rose.

The next few weeks were loaded with work, they were still promoting the first part of the The Clan and were preparing the second part at the same time. During this time there were still some tense situations among the members, as expected, and despite Hyungwon's warning some trainees at the company were still pestering Changkyun. Changkyun didn't even have time to worry about other people's opinions or treatment, not even fans or critics mean comments about the maknae or Monsta X in general. It was all work. Well.. it was all work and Son Hyunwoo.

They managed to spend together the little free time they got in common, which was almost nonexistent. Hyunwoo would visit Changkyun in the rappers' studio and bring him something to eat, most of the times healthy food as Kihyun had insisted they all should be taking more seriously their diets and self-care. Then, Changkyun would make an extra effort on dance practices just to make his hyung proud and also finish before and get to spend some minutes talking with the older.

All of the members had little time to sleep, so as soon as they got home and ate something, going to bed was the priority. However, Hyunwoo always made sure to say 'goodnight' to the maknae and give him a kiss, all of this very quick not to disturbe Minhyuk or arise suspicion from the other members.

It was ironic how little interaction and actual time to develop their relationship they had despite working and living together. Not that Changkyun minded at all, he enjoyed however little time he got to spend with his hyung, it gave him the energy and desire to keep going throughout the day.

"Are you going to tell us someday?"

"Hyung?"

Changkyun was on Hoseok's studio checking some edition that had to be made to the maknae's rap on their next single.

"I understand if you don't tell me.. but Kihyunnie is dying inside for you to tell him, kukkungie."

"Tell him what, hyung?" Changkyun decided to play dumb.

"I know you know Kihyun and I are dating. And I know you and Hyunwoo hyung are something, and Kihyun knows it as well. He's just to noble not to inquire.. he wants you to trust him whatever it's important for you. I told him not to butt in and that's exactly what I'm doing, I'm sorry."

"It's okay.." Changkyun murmured. He was now comfortable around the older, but it was still weird to talk about personal stuff with him. "I just, we are not exactly something, I hope we become something, though. And of course I want to tell Kihyun hyung about it, I just, I don't know how to bring it up."

"I'll tell you what, Kihyun's in the cafeteria right now, why don't you go and talk with him and I finish this by myself; huh?"

Changkyun stood nervous at the end of the stairs; Minhyuk had overheard and seen—therefore known about— Changkyun and Hyunwoo's relationship, and even when both Hoseok and Kihyun had noticed something Hoseok had initiated the conversation with the maknae. Breaking the news to someone was entirely different, and Changkyun didn't feel completely ready for it. Kihyun already knowing something was going on should make things easier, but Changkyun was nervous nonetheless.

The main vocalist was seated on a corner on the room enjoying a sandwich and a smoothie when Changkyun slipped next to him on the booth.

"Oh, hi, baby. Have you had lunch already?"

"Yes, Hoseok hyung had some takeover on his studio.. healthy stuff only," Changkyun added before the older could say anything.

"What brings you here then?"

The maknae fake gasped and lay his head on the other's shoulder, "can't I just spend time with my favorite hyung without having a reason behind it?"

"Kyunnie," Kihyun pocked the younger's rib and laughed at his over acted reaction. "Tell me what's on your mind, baby."

"I wanted to tell you before.. you're the first one we tell, actually. I know you already know but, I- I don't know, I just didn't know how to tell you," Kihyun didn't say anything, only smiled. "Hyunwoo hyung says he likes me.. and I might like him too.. and so we are like, something. Not like Hoseok hyung and you but, yeah.."

"I see.. I'm glad you told me.. and I am very happy you guys are giving it a shot. You look great together."

"You haven't seen us together, not like a couple."

"I'm your mom, kiddo, I know what it's good for you. And I approve of this."

Changkyun whined and hid his face between the older's back and the seat's backrest.

"What are you doing here, though?" Kihyun continued eating his lunch.

"Well.. Hoseok hyung dismissed me so I could come and tell you this.."

"Yeah I get that but, I mean, Hyunwoo hyung's in the practice dance room on the basement deciding on some changes to Fighter's choreography.. I think he could use a break, don't you think so? You should bring him one of these," he pointed to his smoothie.

"I don't know.." Changkyun was still unsure of being the one to start any interaction with the leader, especially when it was only the two of them.

"Go."

But Kihyun was serious about the healthy smoothie, and he really wanted them to have spend time together and relax a bit.

"Come in," Hyunwoo's voice was barely heard over the music before Changkyun got to knock the door. Because of the door's transparency and the lightning of the hall, whomever was inside the studio could see the shade of those standing outside of the room.

Changkyun entered the room and closed with lock behind him. He didn't plan on doing anything with the older that he was afraid of others finding out, but he did it out of instinct.

"Changkyun," the older greeted reaching the player to stop the music and grab a towel to dry the sweat out of his face and neck.

"Hey.. Kihyun insisted I should bring you this, I put some ice on it.."

"Oh, thank you."

Changkyun stood awkward a meter away from the other as the content of the glass disappeared. "Maybe I should have brought two.." Changkyun wanted to spend time with his hyung, and the smoothie was a good excuse, although failed, to get the leader to have a break.

"That's okay," Hyunwoo smiled and continued to try and be less sweaty. "Did you want to practice some choreography or something..?"

"No," the maknae was shy to tell him why he was there for. He decided to seat with his back against the mirror; maybe he could learn something from watching his hyung practice.

"You here to see me dance?" Hyunwoo's eyebrows raised.

"Maybe.."

Without a response, Hyunwoo turned on the music to the demo of their upcoming track, 'Be quiet'. And he began dancing, but his eyes were not on himself on the mirror, rather they wouldn't detach from Changkyun's.

This only made Changkyun feel a bit dizzy. Maybe he should have brought an iced smoothie for himself. No wonder why Hyunwoo was their main dancer. Some of the movements had Changkyun diverting his eyes to another point on the room. It was very different to see his hyung practice like this than dancing alongside him or watching their dance on video.

The leader went thought the choreography twice until it was perfect, they'd be learning it the upcoming week so it had to be ready before it.

"Do you have more schedule for today?" Hyunwoo asked taking his stuff and heading to the bathroom adjacent to the practice room.

"No, do you?"

"Nope, I just have to shower and then we can go home together, yes?"

"Yes."

It took a lot of effort for Changkyun not to follow the older into the showers, he patiently waited for him to come back into the room ready to leave. Hyunwoo reached out for the maknae to come and side hug him on their way to the door, "How was your day, babe?"

"Good."

"Good."

They stopped at the door, Hyunwoo was looking at Changkyun whom didn't dare to lift his head.

"Can I have a kiss before we leave?"

"Hyung," the rapper whined covering his face with his hands.

"Cute."

Changkyun knew this was probably going to be the last moment they had alone for a time, so he slowly hugged himself to the taller's body, keeping his head down. "I'm not cute."

"Yes, you are dark, but also cute."

Hyunwoo placed his hands on Changkyun's chin and crouched to fit their lips together. He kissed the smaller for a couple of minutes until his neck hurt. "You're too short, though."

"Yah!" Changkyun playfully pushed him. "And you are mean."

Hyunwoo laughed, "come here." He then bend his back a bit to be the same height as the maknae and after wrapping his arms around the smaller's form he lifted him off the floor so they were now the height of the oldest.

On instinct Changkyun balanced his hands on the other's shoulders and hugged his waist with his knees. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing my _boyfriend_," he said as if it was obvious.

Changkyun's heart might have just stopped.

He gladly accepted the title given to him, but he also knew this implied he had sorted out his feelings in a way that he was willing to make this relationship work and last. How awkward would be for him if he and Hyunwoo broke up while being part of Monsta X and having to continue living and working together. Nope.

He knew he should've thought about it more deeply, he should've taken his time and also talk with Kihyun before, he always knew what to do. He also knew being something else as being a couple was meant there were going to be differences and discussions, even more with their living style. He could see already how hard keeping this to themselves or even inside the group would be. Now that he was alone lying on bed and ready to catch a couple of hours of sleep, he couldn't, because his mind was overwhelmed and wide awake with all this thoughts he should have had before gladly accepting the tile Hyunwoo gave him.

He should have considered that one thing was 'being more bright and talking more' and being less 'dark', and the other was really letting a person know him, and at some point that person was bound to get to know what was inside of the dark room in his mind. And that this was going to take them to weird places in which they'd make the rest of the group either confused or uncomfortable, and that even though he might be the first place in Hyunwoo's love life there were other priorities they both knew had to come first. They were now not only to maintain a love relationship, but make sure this didn't affect their friendships, or the brotherhood Monsta X and Starship was. And they needed to make sure this didn't impact in a negative way on their music, performances, fans, and families. Suddenly Changkyun was lost in this thoughts, feeling guilty for giving Hyunwoo hopes and now doubt them.

Hyunwoo had picked up a beautiful but black rose.


	12. The Trilogy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2.5 The Clan: The Final Chapter

Changkyun was fooling around with Jooheon and Minhyuk backstage when he first noticed something weird on Hyunwoo's behavior. The older was standing next to their manager discussing some leader stuff and his right hand wouldn't stop moving by his side. The youngest decided to ignore it until some hours later he noticed the tic had move to his other hand as well. Then the oldest was apparently avoiding unnecessary interaction with his members and the rest of the staff.

They had been awake for almost forty hours now, and the last time they'd eaten anything more appropriate than a cereal bar was maybe twenty hours ago. So as they were back in the company's building Changkyun decided to go with Hoseok to the nearest store to fetch them all some ORS in hopes to ease his hyung's odd behavior.

Hyunwoo was getting ready for some individual work he was to record that afternoon, so Changkyun went to him before he left. The rapper waited for his boyfriend outside of the changing rooms and when the door opened he gave his most sincere smile while handing out the bottle of electrolytes. What he got back though, was frowned lips, a raised eyebrow, and an annoyed look. "What?"

"Hum.." Changkyun withdrew his hand, fidgeting now with the bottle. "I thought you might need this."

"Do I look dehydrated?" He started his way to the entrance of the building without waiting for the younger to catch up with him. "I have to go now, I'll see you at the dorms."

"Hyung-"

And he left without even looking back at Changkyun. The younger felt a lot of thought and overwhelming feelings trying to flood his mind, but right before he bothered to try to stop them or give in and welcomed them, a rather cheery voice came from behind him.

"Annoying the leader already are we? Don't you see he's trying to escape from you? Gosh.."

"What do you want?" the maknae was upset and had no time to lose with his (ex-?)bullies.

"Nothing really, we were just enjoying the show.. super cringe-y by the way."

"Common guys, don't laugh at him, he's trying hard.. it's just that not everyone likes getting favors from guys like Changkyun, especially men like Hyunwoo hyung.. you're not really trying to buy him the way you did with No.Mercy producers, are you?" The trainee did an obscene gesture that had all his friends laughing with him.

"Fuck off," his voice wavered this time. He really was feeling overwhelmed and cornered. Completely vulnerable. "I'm too tired from actually being an idol to put up with your trainee's shit."

"Be careful with your words, bitch. I heard princess Hyungwon and your band mates were talking about you the other day.. don't expect any back up, babe."

What was that even supposed to mean? They didn't know anything. The group wasn't the most united one but they were sure far from where they started.

"You're not fun any more—unless you want to get something on exchange, right?" the trainee bit his lower lip giving Changkyun a weird glance and headed down the hall, the rest of the boys laughed and pushed Changkyun as they followed their eldest.

Changkyun was close to having a mental breakdown but he remembered his day was not yet over and he really didn't have time to waste on his thoughts and preoccupations. That included both his feelings, and what just happened with Hyunwoo and the trainees.

"Kyun?"

Hyungwon was standing at the door of the practice room, and his tone called everyone else's attention.

"Baby, you look a bit pale, are you feeling okay?" Kihyun approached him before the rest could.

"Yes, I just needed this," he lied showing them the bottle in his hand. Hoseok looked at him with a knowing look but didn't say anything.

A few hours later they were finally back home, eager to eat something and go to sleep until their next schedule began, only to realize they didn't have any edible food in the dorms.

"I could go buy some ingredients and Ramyeon," Wonho suggested carving Kihyun's cooking, but with a tone in his voice that hinted his unwillingness to get up from the couch now that he was finally free to sit down and get some rest.

"It's fine, hyung. I'll just order something."

"Is anything open at this hour?" Hyungwon asked already drifting off.

While Minhyuk and Jooheon started a discussion on what to order Changkyun wondered when was Hyunwoo coming back. And if he was in a better mood now. Changkyun was sure the eldest hadn't mean to ignore him like that.

As Kihyun hang up the phone after ordering food Hyunwoo entered the dorms. Changkyun stood up not knowing what to do or how to act. There was still a frown on the leader's face that the youngest had never seen. He had never seen Hyunwoo on this mood before.

"Hyung, we just ordered some-"

"I'm going to bed. Don't wake me up early," he cut off Kihyun with a warning. His voice indicated clear annoyance and disgust.

Hyunwoo passed by Changkyun not even sparing him a look. Kihyun noticed the (lack of) interaction and placed a reassuring hand on the maknae's shoulder. "Don't mind him, baby. He hasn't eaten anything all day long, and he gets in a really bad mood when he's hungry."

Changkyun knew his hyung was in love with food itself, but he didn't know about what Kihyun had just tell him.. He realized maybe he really didn't know his boyfriend that well, and they've known each other for rather a long time now.

He considered going after the eldest, but the memory of the irritation in his voice held him back.

"Food's here!" Minhyuk let everyone—including their neighbors— know about half an hour later. They sat on the living room's floor to enjoy the food, even Hyungwon gave up on sleep to get something on his stomach.

"Slower guys, you'll make yourselves sick," Hoseok tried to control them.

Changkyun waited until everyone was completely focused on their plates to go take the remaining bowl and walk towards the biggest bedroom where Hyunwoo was now trying—but clearly failing if his breath and constant movement was anything to go by— to fall asleep. He stood on the doorway for about a minute, deciding what to do.. should he knock or announce his presence somehow? Was it okay if he just entered and talked to the eldest, or should he just leave the bowl there and disappear?

"What do you want?"

Changkyun was startled by the other's deep voice.

"Kihyun. I said I- oh.." he turned to see the rapper just standing there with hesitation clear in his eyes.

"I- I sorry.. I thought you might want to eat- Sorry, I'll leave it in the kitchen."

"Wait."

The younger was already facing the hall when he heard the bed creak meaning the other had gotten up.

"Kyun," his voice was now closer, close enough to make a shiver run down the maknae's spine. "I'm sorry.. would you face me?" despite his attempt to sound more gentle there was still soreness in his tone.

The younger was feeling atypically weak. He turned around but kept his head down.

"Changkyun, I'm sorry, I know it's not an excuse or justification but, I get in a real bad mood when I'm hungry and I didn't want you to see me like that, but I can't help it.."

As the younger stole a glance of his hyung's face he noticed the other's stare was fixed on the bowl of food in his hands. He extended his hands offering the still warm treat.

Hyunwoo took it without a second thought but managed to acknowledge his boyfriend instead of directly devouring the food. "Thank you.. do you want to eat here too?"

Changkyun only shook his head and left the room.

Changkyun wasn't being immature. He was certainly not sulking. He was just.. giving Hyunwoo a lesson, it was his turn today. He had had enough of being ignored or looked down at from No.Mercy and he was not taking any of that from the person he should be more attached to.

No-huh.

But the older's puppy eyes.. and his little pout and frown.. Maybe he should go and-

"Are you really falling for that ugly face?"

"Hyung," Changkyun turned with a hand over his chest. "How come you are only ever silent to give me heart attacks?"

The visual gasped but let it go. "You're stronger than this Kukkungie. He was all grumpy yesterday, today's your turn to be sulky."

"I'm not being sulky, Mihyukkie hyung."

"You are, but he doesn't need to know that," he rested his arm over the maknae's shoulders, "common, let's go to watch a movie tonight, I have tickets."

"Weren't you going with Jooheon hyung?"

"Don't remind me of that idiot, he's hanging out with Jackson tonight," he rolled his eyes.

"You're sulky.."

"Shut up."

Fortunately their manager had already given Minhyuk green light to go to the movie theater on their free day so they didn't have to ask or warn Hyunwoo, therefore Changkyun didn't have to see him the rest of the afternoon.

As they arrived to the theater Changkyun didn't care about hiding his face because there was not many people going to watch this movie on a Monday afternoon. And probably not trying not to call attention was the best way not to call attention......

"What do you want?" Minhyuk asked approaching the concession.

"Are you paying, hyung?"

Minhyuk whined but nodded.

"Popcorn please, extra large.. and ice cream, and a soda."

"Oh my God, Kuyn. Is this your first date ever?"

"Who said this was a date?" His cheeks reddened up.

"Hyunwoo hyung must really be regretting messing things up the day before our free day. Common darling, I'll get you whatever you want."

It had never occurred to Changkyun the idea of having a date with Hyunwoo, not as a couple at least. The most similar to a date that they've had was that horrible night on the Ferris Wheel, when they were recording Right Now. Needless to remember, it had been extremely awkward.

Would it be any different now, after all this time and now that there were completely different feelings involved? Would it be nice, or uncomfortable? Whatever the answers to this questions were, Minhyuk was right.. they had lost the opportunity to spend their only free day in a long time together; and maybe it wasn't Hyunwoo's fault.

"Let's go," Minhyuk held their food while Changkyun guided them to their seats.

"Hyung?"

"Yes?"

The movie had started and the vocalist was focused on the screen, but also attentive to whatever Changkyun needed.

"Have you ever been on a relationship before?"

The older turned to look at him with a surprised expression that almost had Changkyun regret asking. They weren't that close and maybe this was too personal to share with him. "I have. Don't ask with whom. Okay?"

Changkyun nodded and turned to the screen again.

"If you're worried about your relationship with Hyunwoo, don't. You'll be fine, I'm sure. You just need more communication, you need to talk more."

"I know."

The first thing Changkyun did after arriving to the dorms was to search for the leader, the only other member still in the dorms was Kihyun—who had spent the morning out with Hoseok and the afternoon cleaning up the house— and he told him Hyunwoo was in the laundry room. Minhyuk went straight to their room to sleep happy after finally watching his movie, and Changkyun was standing now at the end of the hall, looking at his boyfriend's back.

Why were they so awkward? He didn't know how to approach Hyunwoo.

"Hyung," he called twice only to realize the other was wearing earphones.

Changkyun decided to just embrace himself to Hyunwoo's back.

"Huh?" the leader turned puzzled, but his expression completely changed to a warm smile when he saw it was the maknae who had just trapped him in a tight hug. "Changkyun.."

"M'sorry."

"No, I am sorry..."

"We should talk about it?"

"Maybe.. but neither of us is very talkative, don't you think? We still have a few hours left on our free day, do you want to do something?"

"Let's go to the Ferris Wheel," Changkyun joked shaking his head. "I went with Minhyuk hyung to the movies, and I may have eaten more popcorn than my stomach is okay with. Have you eaten yet?"

"Yes, Kihyun forced me to eat a lot while he nagged."

"Maybe you deserved it."

"Yeah."

"Let's go take a walk."

"Lazy Changkyun wants to go for a walk?"

"Would you rather if I went to sleep now?"

"We going for a walk."

They let Kihyun know they'd be out for about an hour and left after putting jackets on. At the beginning they were walking with about a meter of distance between them, but with every minute passing they got closer and finally were leaning on one another's side and playfully pushing each other. At some point while they were walking through an empty street Hyunwoo reached Changkyun's hand and held it for a few seconds before letting go, leaving the youngest feeling rather overwhelmed, his hand was burning and his heart was leaping. They smiled to and silently assured they would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this is not the final chapter of the story, hahaha


	13. I really really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween party, Angst, Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not talking about the events going on with Monsta X. I'm writing to forget about it and hoping to distract you too from it too even for a little while (and even though this is also angst). Enjoy!
> 
> IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THIS
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This is all FICTION, some sensitive topics came to my (and many other writers) writing because of the evil rumors from back when Changkyun joined NO.Mercy and Monsta X debuted. Legal problems regarding Produce 101 and/or Starship were NOT known when I wrote this, hope it doesn't offend anyone.

~*~

Time as an idol was almost an imperceptible thing, they only thought about it in terms of how many time they had left to eat or get ready before their next activity was demanding them to hurry. 

Changkyun was glad that at least this time he did spent their little shared breaks with Hyunwoo. They didn't need a date as it is, just hanging around on the dorm or the studio was enough. They wouldn't exactly go around joined at the hip, but Hyunwoo usually never missed to kiss Changkyun good morning and before going to bed. Changkyun was almost sure neither Jooheon nor Hyungwon had suspected on their relationship — he had come closer to Jooheon through their music making and the older had only told him how he was relieved the leader and the maknae weren't awkward any more.

October finished a lot faster than they expected, and with November's fan meetings around the corner the whole group was busy, but Hyunwoo mostly had barely anytime to eat and sleep. Changkyun and Kihyun made sure he would have at least some snack and a little nap from time to time to keep him sane and working.

They were currently on the van on their way back to the dorms from a very long meeting with some sponsors. As usual, Hyunwoo was on the front sit besides the driver; Changkyun was on the back leaning his head on Hoseok's shoulder and trying to get some rest, but Minhyuk was not letting that happen. From the seats in front of them, the visual was trying to get Changkyun's attention.

"Let him rest, Minhyuk-ssi," Kihyun was also leaning his head on Hoseok's other shoulder but paying attention to the three guys sitting on their knees. "An sit right the three of you, and put your belts on."

Hyungwon rolled his eyes back and neither of them followed the order. Jooheon reached Changkyun's face and poked his cheek.

"Hyung!" the youngest whined.

"Common Kyun, manager gave us permission, even Kihyun hyung is going." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kihyun huffed and Hoseok laughed.

"They did invite you too," Hyungwon said with an annoying grin Changkyun decided to ignore.

They had the rest of the day and the following morning free, and were invited to a private Halloween party tonight.

The problem: it was Gunhee's party.

How was that a problem you may ask, simple. Most of the trainees that participated in NO.Mercy were going to assist, alongside some other friends of his group mates that were strangers only to Changkyun, and last but also least, his bullies. He may have been invited, but he sure wasn't going to be welcomed.

"I don't have a costume, and I'm pretty tired as you can see."

Jooheon pouted and turned on his seat not happy with his little brother's answer. "I know you don't want to see my friends, whatever."

Minhyuk and Hyungwon followed the rapper and dropped the topic.

"That's not fair," whispered Changkyun.

"You don't have to assist," Hoseok whispered back, caressing his hair. "Don't feel pressured."

Changkyun was annoyed. He had bought a costume because they were supposed to go to his favorite cafe were in the purchase of any drink they'd be giving free pumpkin cake to those wearing costumes. Gunhee had just invited him a few hours ago and they had all forgotten about their plans with the maknae.

As soon as they arrived home a competence to get the shower first began, Changkyun didn't even bothered to think about it. He sat on the living room and made grabby hands towards Hyunwoo, but contrary to what the oldest thought the maknae wanted, Changkyun took the iPad from his hands and opened his favorite game to distract himself.

Hyunwoo sat beside him trying to make eye contact.

"What is it?"

"Hyungwon hyung got a high score yesterday and I can't let him win."

"Kyun," he warned. "You know what I mean, talk to me, babe."

Changkyun frowned and pouted his lips and turned his head, his face millimeters away from his boyfriend's.

"We don't have to go, you know. That coffee we had planned before, still sounds good for me."

Changkyun smiled but shook his head. "You haven't hang out or even seen your friends in a long time, and you need to relax. Go, I'll be fine," his eyes were now glued to the oldest's lips.

"I'm not going anywhere without you.." before Changkyun could join their lips Hyunwoo turned his head. He was only checking that none of their band mates was coming, though, because as soon as Changkyun sighed Hyunwoo kissed him.

"Hyung," Changkyun moaned trying to push him away —or at least pretending to do so—.

"They're all getting ready, don't worry," he deepened the kiss, snaking his arm around his boyfriend's waist to bring their bodies closer.

"You're trying to distract me, you need to get ready for the party too," contrary to his words, Changkyun also pushed their bodies closer.

"If we don't go we'll have the house for ourselves," Hyunwoo whispered hotly on Changkyun's ear.

This made the younger panic. He had been alone with Hyunwoo before, but with Kihyun or Hoseok or Minhyuk still in the house. Never considered being completely alone. He didn't think he was ready to do anything other than kissing.

Changkyun was grateful that Kihyun walked in in that precise moment.

"Hyung, common!"

"Sorry," the leader stood up, winked at Changkyun and then slightly bowed to Kihyun before running to his room.

"First time it was not Minhyuk hyung who walked in," Changkyun joked going back to his game.

"Why aren't you getting ready for the party, baby?"

Changkyun shook his head and waited until the vocalist was sitting next to him to talk, "I don't think I'll be welcomed, hyung. I'd be the only one who doesn't know everyone in there, and the ones I know they either hate me or resent me," he admitted pausing his game.

"That's not true, Kyun. And even then that's what parties are for, you need to meet people, make some friends beside us."

Changkyun did have friends, his past band mates.

"For me?" Kihyun tried to be cute.

"Okay okay, I'll go.." he sighed in defeat.

Kihyun let Changkyun shower first and get ready in his room with him. It took them less than planned, so they headed to the living room to find the others. Seeing the visuals dressed up and with their make up on point, however, made Changkyun regret a bit his choice of costume. 

Hyungwon was dressed as Jack Skellington with his Christmas hat on—to hide his hair—, Minhyuk as a King (or prince[ss]), and Hoseok as a vampire. They were the visuals of the group for a good reason.

"Are they giving a big prize for the best costume on the party or you just wanted to show off?" Kihyun huffed stealing a no discreet at all glance at the three visuals, putting especial attention to Hoseok. However, as simple as the main vocalist's costume was—a Gryffindor student— he still managed to look outstanding and visual.

"I'm definitely not going now," Changkyun whined trying to retreat back to his room but Kihyun dragged him in front of the visuals.

"Kkukkungie you look so cute!"

Kihyun looked offended and nearly throw his magic wand at his boyfriend, he had worked hard on the maknae's makeup not to get this kind of reaction.

Changkyun turned towards the hall just in time to welcome a super good looking zombie pilot followed by a likewise super good looking zombie firefighter.

Kihyun was definitely upset now, Hoseok gasped, Hyungwon whistled, Minhyuk shrieked, and Changkyun had an imperceptible and silence stroke. His mental plan to avoid going to the party suddenly gone. But, maybe both of them staying back wasn't that bad of an idea.

"Of course you were gonna wear uniforms," the main vocalist rolled his eyes. "So, I guess everyone's ready, I'll call a ride."

Hyunwoo gave Changkyun a knowing smile and held his chin higher with the newly acquired confidence.

The younger huffed and forced his eyes off his boyfriend, who acted like nothing and rested his back on the wall in front of Changkyun. But before he could say anything the pilot joined them as well.

"Oh, Kyun, your costume's awesome, do you have fangs? Let me see," he seemed genuinely sincere. And judging by Hyunwoo's expression he agreed with Jooheon. 

Changkyun wasn't that discouraged any more. He smiled and opened his mouth to show them his fangs. Besides the yellow contacts and huge and very realistic fangs and claws, the only other Werewolf distinctive he had was an also very realistic bite on his uncovered—simulating the bite process had taken part of his shirt too— shoulder. No way he was going to put hair on his arms or face, nor pointy ears — at least not now that he was going to a party instead of just going out for a coffee.

"Our Kukkungie," Hoseok hugged him from behind. "Oh!" he noticed just then the bite and sunk his own fangs a bit on it, provoking the maknae to shiver and laugh.

"Hey!" Hyunwoo snapped getting everyone's attention. Changkyun looked at him with wide eyes and slightly shook his head; but instead of reflecting on his reaction and making up an excuse for it, Hyunwoo glared at them, Changkyun felt Hoseok laughing low behind him.

"Sorry, it's not ruined though, no need to tell Kihyun, hyung," there was a not so subtle teasing tone on his voice.

"Don't tell me what?"

Now it was Hoseok's turn to panic, and Changkyun couldn't be more grateful for Kihyun's temperament because it took all the attention off what Hyunwoo had just done.

Their ride arrived a few minutes later, Changkyun sat between Hyungwon and Jooheon trying to divert his mind from his boyfriend. And at the same time trying not to think about how awkward the event they were attending to would be for him.

Changkyun was seriously expecting his hyungs to maybe introduce him with some of their friends before abandoning him, but there were no introductions. Everyone who hadn't seen them in a long time—or since before they'd become recognized idols— was quick to take them away from him.

Hyunwoo tried to drag him along when GOT7 members pulled him on a tight hug, but eventually he was distracted enough to care for the youngest.

"Great."

It wasn't a surprise, Changkyun had only underestimated their speed on forgetting about him. Was this really what they all insisted him to attend too for?

At least the rest of the guests weren't paying him any attention either.

Changkyun decided to look for the kitchen after loosing sight of Kihyun too. The music was loud, the environment was a little overwhelming now that he was alone, but some costumes were awesome and helped him have a distraction.

"Changkyun?"

A group of guys standing at the end of the staircase was looking at him while sharing some drinks.

"Hey," he tried to act cool and not nervous or anxious at all.

"Werewolf?" It was Gunhee dressed as the Joker — Changkyun blamed it on the makeup the lack of sincerity behind the smile.

"Yeah," he accepted a drink from one of the guys, who was dressed as IT. Of course we wasn't going to drink it, but he pretended to take a sip from it.

"How's idol life been treating you?" another guy asked. Changkyun couldn't remember his name but he was sure it was one of the trainees that had been part of NO.Mercy.

"It's kind of difficult but amazing," he admitted.

"I can imagine," the sarcasm was notorious. The rest laughed, but it was obvious they were not happy with Monsta X's rapper's presence. Time to leave.

"Oh, excuse me," he lightly bowed after pretending he had made eye contact with someone on the other room. Changkyun finally found the kitchen, only a group of three girls were in it serving themselves some drinks.

He greeted them and then proceeded to serve himself a slice of pizza, but before he could take a bite of it he remembered the fangs. The girls seemed to have noticed his struggle because they giggled.

"You're from Monsta X, aren't you?"

He turned to them and simply nodded.

"I really liked your last song, and your rap," they complimented.

Maybe coming to the party wasn't a bad idea after all.

They chatted with him for some long minutes and it was nice, until one of them—with the typical bunny costume— asked, "so, tell us, is it true that you debuted because of K.Will-ssi?"

The atmosphere completely changed at that moment, Changkyun knew he shouldn't have asked and instead walked out of the room but he couldn't help it, "what do you mean?"

"Do you think you could talk to him about me?" the girl dressed as the Corpse Bride closed her hand around his shoulder, "what kind of favors do I have to make to him?"

Changkyun shook her off with tears pricking his eyes, "I don't know what evil rumor you've heard, but is not true." He totally shouldn't be trying to give them explanations.

"That's not what I've seen," a male voice behind Changkyun announced. "You were pretty close to him from the beginning, especially when your band mates couldn't pretend to stand you. Now you're pretty close to your leader and suddenly the rest of Monsta likes you.."

Changkyun groaned, "weren't we past this?" He was totally ready to hit the trainee. But stopped his determination to hit his bully when he turned around and noticed they had a public of at least fifteen guests who would probably record or be witnesses against him. Even tough he wasn't there to make friends or get people to like him, Changkyun didn't need to make enemies or give them something else to gossip about. And the worst thing was that, among that audience, Jooheon was standing next to Gunhee, but he was only looking at him with ashamed eyes.

Don't answer. Don't react. Don't let them see it affects you.

"Jin," Changkyun nodded in greet, completely dismissing the trainee's provocation.

Not being an interesting response most of the guests lost interest on the situation and turned back to their businesses. Changkyun excused himself with a little bow to the girls and made his way out of the kitchen, slightly pushing Jooheon aside.

Changkyun was bothered not because of the other's words, but because of the feelings and thoughts he developed by such a simple and apparently harmless event.

All of this had definitely ruined his Halloween.

"Changkyun!" Kihyun called but the younger decided to ignore him and go out to the backyard to get some fresh air.

A few of the people there, who Changkyun supposed didn't know who he was, greeted him and some others complimented his costume. Some girls even tried to flirt with him, and a guy. That's when a hand closed around his wrist pulling him towards a less crowded area of the patio.

"I've been looking for you everywhere. What was that?"

Changkyun sighed, and shook his head not having energy to argue and not cry.

"Hyung, don't do this please."

Jooheon hesitated for a second at the maknae's tone, but he needed answers. "Those rumors.. why didn't you deny it?"

"Really? Is that what you wanted to say? I know you didn't come to ask if I was okay because you didn't say anything back there, but why are you questioning me like that? I'm seriously not in the mood for it, hyung."

"Changkyun.."

For the third time that night, Changkyun excused himself with a bow and got away. This time, looking for Hyunwoo.

The eldest was talking to a pair of girls dressed as angels and the rapper didn't know how to get him alone, so he stood behind them and moved his yellow eyes from Hyunwoo towards the front door and back.

"Hey," no one else was outside at the moment so Hyunwoo didn't hesitate on holding his boyfriend's hand. "I lost you back there then saw you talking with those girls and decided to let you make friends.. is everything alright? Kyun, look at me," he moved his hands up to caress the youngest's hair and neck.

"I know we got here not long ago, and I said I didn't want you to miss this opportunity to catch up with your friends, but I-" a sob managed to escape Changkyun's throat and he couldn't finish his sentence.

"Come here, babe."

Hyunwoo tried to hug him but has pushed back.

"Don't." Hyunwoo's eyes were filled with pain for a millisecond, so Changkyun rapidly added, "if you hug me I'll cry and I can't ruin the make up, let alone with these contacts on."

"Let's go get you that free pumpkin cake and whatever drink you want," he held out his hand and the other took it not caring about the people passing by.

Their manager had gave them an extra phone besides from the one Hyunwoo was in charge of so they could keep on contact that night and get rides, which was perfect because that way Hyunwoo warned Kihyun he and Changkyun had left the party and were probably going to be home before the rest.

Walking into the cafe somehow reset Changkyun's mood. He was so excited he let go of Hyunwoo's hand and went right to the counter to ask for his favorite drink, and the one he already knew Hyunwoo would be ordering for himself, the worker dressed as a witch smiled infected with the idol's happiness. She brought them their drinks to the table alongside two huge pieces of cake.

"Do you want to go back home, go to the movies, stay here and order this three more times..? This is delicious..."

Changkyun smiled enjoying another bite of his cake, "let's get one to go and just walk home so I can see the decorations on the way." Hyunwoo smiled fondly and went back to the counter to order some cake and a hot chocolate to go.

They chatted about the costumes people and kids outside were wearing, and Hyunwoo told him a funny story that happened to him on Halloween back when he was in High School.

"Don't take your costume off until I get a picture," Hyunwoo warned as they arrive to the dorms and Changkyun's first action was touching his fangs.

They joked around and took some funny pictures. Then, they took one together—Changkyun leaning his head on his boyfriend's shoulder with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face— which Hyunwoo sent to his own mail before erasing it from the iPad.

"Here, let me help you," they were on Changkyun's room taking their makeup off but the maknae was struggling because of the claws so the other decided to help. "Close your eyes."

Hyunwoo, like Hoseok, normally forgot or underestimated his own strength. However, his touch was very delicate this time, making Changkyun's hearth flutter. "This is nice," he lay back on the bed and hummed happily. Hyunwoo finished with his face but continued to take the claws off too, while the rapper stayed still on the bed, almost asleep. The leader proceeded with the bite on the other's shoulder, and once he finished placed a kiss on Changkyun's neck that got him sigh and turn his head to show more skin. Hyunwoo laughed but complied and left a few more kisses on the maknae's shoulder and neck.

"There, go take the contacts off, wash your face, and then come to the living room, we can watch a movie, okay?"

"Yes."

Ready with his pajamas on, the rapper threw himself on the couch while Hyunwoo prepared some popcorn and brought their cake.

"Hyung..?"

"Yes, babe?" he was busy putting the movie on the TV.

"Does this count as a date?"

Hyunwoo stopped what he was doing and turned to face Changkyun. "Only if you want to.. I know I haven't had the time to take you out, but I'd like to do something special tomorrow if you allow me to do so.. I'm asking you on a date."

Changkyun nodded and patted the seat next to him. "I have something to tell you, hyung," he started once Hyunwoo sat. "I know you've heard about it, I know you've talked about it with the others.. but only Kihyun knows all the rumors aren't true at all.." Hyunwoo only nodded, letting him talk and not interrupting, but paying attention. "From the beginning I decided I didn't own any of you any explanation or declaration, and I was hoping none of you hesitated or even believed the comments... I didn't buy my place in Starship, NO.Mercy, or Monsta X."

"I believe you."

"I know I said I could take care of myself but, the rumors get to me sometimes and today.." his eyes were filled with tears and Hyunwoo was filled with anger. "I don't care about the world, I just want you guys to accept me."

"Changkyun," he wrapped his arms around the shorter and held him tight. "It's okay, you should cry, don't hold it in."

"I d-do care 'bout wha-what you guys think, especially you."

Hyunwoo tightened the hug, whispering on the maknae's ear. "I am sorry I didn't do anything about it before. I heard the rumors.. I did try to stop them but didn't think on asking you how you felt about them. I believe you, and I really thank you for telling me what's concerning you."

"Hyung, I- I think I love you.. like, more than a hyung."

"Kyun," he tried to separate their bodies to make eye contact but couldn't. So he decided to move them around until he has laying back on the sofa with the younger sitting on his lap, "I love you too."

"Now I can't face you, but I am happy."

Hyunwoo laughed too.

"You should play the movie before I fall asleep or say anything else," the rapper moved to sit beside Hyunwoo but kept his arm and leg around him in half a hug.

"Will do."

They stayed like that throughout the movie except for some minutes in the boring or not so exciting parts of the film—where they'd kiss.


	14. I just wanna say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I fucked up"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more week and I'll be free of school. Still got some time of social service but I hope to have more time to write.

"Good morning," Changkyun walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, where Kihyun, Hoseok and Minhyuk were watching a variety show and having cereal.

"Changkyun, did you fell from your bed?" Hoseok took a look at the maknae. "We don't have schedule today, why did you take a shower so early?"

"Seok, it's almost noon," Kihyun sighed not taking his eyes off the screen in front of them.

"Are you finally going out?" Minhyuk asked excited, finally catching the main vocalist attention to the rapper on the room.

"Where?"

Changkyun rolled his eyes but nodded. "Hyunwoo hyung is taking me to eat Korean BBQ, then we'll be going to see one of his friends perform underground."

He must have sound enthusiastic because the other three guys looked amused. "I'm glad he finally appreciates you. Don't hold back on getting whatever expensive shit you may or may not need," Minhyuk advised.

"Please do not engage on rap battles," Kihyun warned but his eyes show he wasn't being serious.

"Unless they pay high," Hoseok joked. "Ouch, I was kidding," he pouted when his boyfriend hit his arm.

"Will do."

"Morning," Jooheon's raspy and sleepy voice greeted behind him. "Are you going out?"

"Yes, hyung."

They had agreed to check up some projects they had together, but Changkyun forgot. Besides, with the events from last night he didn't feel like following their plans anyway.

"Can we talk before you go?"

"I really don't want to do this now," he was hoping the older rapper would let go of the topic for now, he didn't need this day to be spoiled just yet.

"We need to talk," his eyes were reflecting some frustration the maknae didn't think was fair.

"Later, I need to go now."

Changkyun sent the other three a look that asked for help, before walking out of the house to wait for Hyunwoo outside.

"Changkyun!"

"Let him go, Honey," Hoseok shook his head.

Hyunwoo walked in a couple of minutes later, taking everyone's attention from the TV once again.

"Hey," Jooheon pouted, "you're also heading out?"

The eldest nodded and turned to Kihyun, "I already checked on Hyungwon, he's still breathing but I couldn't wake him up to eat something."

"Thank you," Kihyun said sarcastically, already getting on his feet. He stopped next to the leader, "I know I don't need to warn you because it's not my place, but you better be nice to my favorite kid."

Changkyun was on the corner of their building, listening to their latest song on his earphones when a strong pair of arms hugged his torso making him jump with a start.

"I was so expecting you to do that and it still got me off-guard," he sighed stepping back to push at his hyung.

Hyunwoo laughed and let go of the youngest. "Let's go."

They walked side by side to the nearest restaurant they liked and the owner who already knew them walked them to the back of the place, to a private room where no wondering eyes could interrupt their meal. Even though they already knew the menu by heart, the lady left to it while she went to bring their drinks.

"Order whatever you want, I'm paying."

"Of course you are, hyung," Changkyun smiled innocently before asking for the whole expensive half of the menu.

Hyunwoo laughed but proceeded to place their order, thanking the old lady for the special treatment they were getting.

The leader proceeded to prepare the food for them, being super attentive of his boyfriend.

"You should make a mukbang show, hyung," Changkyun suggested cleaning Hyunwoo's lips with a napkin. "I love how your eyebrows turn into slashes when you're eating."

They both laughed, "maybe I will. Here," Hyunwoo fed the youngest a wrap causing him to blush.

They talked and ate in a very comfortable environment, Changkyun didn't feel more awkward than usual, and it was rather fun spending time like this with his leader.

"Should we take this to go for the guys?" the youngest asked looking at the food left and rubbing his belly, full.

"Nope, I heard Hoseok was buying them something too," he started grilling everything they had left.

"Are you not full yet?" Changkyun seemed worried now. "I'll be right back," he excused himself to go to the washroom. And once he was back Hyunwoo was ready to go, and had already paid for their food.

"Ready?" Changkyun nodded and sat back down. "Wait for me," it was his turn to leave. Changkyun saw their phone buzz with messages notifications and saw they were from an unknown number, but he decided not to open them because they were obviously not directed to him. However, he couldn't help but see one that was asking him about Jooheon, but before he could reach for the device, Hyunwoo walked out of the bathroom and smiled at him. "Let's go."

The vocalist grabbed the bag and thanked the owner on their way out. "Where are we going now?" Changkyun asked when they turned into a rather scary alley.

"They also deserve a gourmet meal once in a while," Hyunwoo informed him crouching down and putting down the leftovers.

Before Changkyun could make another question they were rapidly approached by a gang of kitties, lots of them. "Are you serious?" his heart swelled up with love and admiration.

"I wanted to take one or two home but the staff won't allow me, so I bring them food whenever I can, those five," he pointed to several of them, showing that he knew each one of them, "they are almost six months old, so I'll have to take them to sterilize soon."

"Hyung," Changkyun laughed and pulled him up.

"What-"

And he kissed the older. "I love you," he was completely sure of it this time. 

Hyunwoo looked confused but his goofy smile quickly replaced his frown. "I love you too, Kyun," he left a soft peck on the youngest's lips. "Let's go, Jun texted me they're already beginning."

"Okay.. Bye kittens," he waved down at them receiving a few meows in response. Then they were off to catch a taxi. They were drove to downtown, and then walked a few blocks in the darkest side of the streets, where everything looked a bit unsafe.

Changkyun didn't have time to worry or feel scared, he was with Hyunwoo.

"Hyung!" The leader let go of his hand to go hug a guy as soon as they entered a warehouse, "this is Changkyun-"

"Monsta X's lead rapper," the man completed nodding at Changkyun as greeting. The youngest slightly bowed back. "I've heard you rap, but never in live, I hope I get to do so tonight."

Hyunwoo smiled, "we came to see you perform. I'm betting on you, so you better win."

"I'll do my best Nunu.." someone called Jun as the competition was about to start. "I hope you guys enjoy the show, nice to meet you Changkyun."

Hyunwoo walked them towards some wooden boxes so they could seat to watch the battle, or show, whatever it was. "Where did you say you met him?"

"Uh? Oh, when I was out of JYP Ent, before StarShip. I've never rapped but I enjoyed coming here to watch them rap, hyung helped me meet some dance teachers and performers I've worked with before."

"I see."

The performances began and Changkyun was really feeling excited about underground rapping, the environment around them was also fascinating, the music, the people cheering up and singing along the performers, the smoke, the lights. It was a place that reminded him of his time in Nu'Bility, a place where Hyunwoo didn't seem to fit in Changkyun's thoughts. But the elder seemed as another person, like he belonged.

"Do you want something to drink?" the leader asked when a guy selling beers approached them.

"No, thank you."

Hyunwoo bought one drink for himself and focused again all his attention on the stage.

Changkyun wondered if this was who Hyunwoo really was or if it was just one little part of his identity that not everyone knew of. If that was the case, should Changkyun feel proud of being allowed to witness it?

"You okay?" The taller hugged his waist with one arm bringing him closer to his body.

"Yes," he answered with his eyes fixed on the crowd ahead of them.

"Babe?"

He turned his head to meet his hyung's gaze, their eyes traveling to one another's lips. The place was dark enough not to recognize whoever was a meter of distance away from you, especially where they were sitting on, so Changkyun didn't move away when Hyunwoo joined their mouths in a heated kiss. He cupped the taller's chin in his hands as the other held in a tight grip his waist.

Hyunwoo's lips traced his boyfriend's throat where he placed kisses on his collarbones. "Hyung," his breathing was heavy and his voice low, the loud sounds on the place barely letting the vocalist hear him.

"Yes?" he continued kissing and nipping the maknae's neck.

"What if someone sees?"

"Don't care," his left hand moved from Changkyun's waist to his back and lower, grabbing the rapper's ass and pushing their hips together.

"Hyung," Changkyun pushed him away on instinct, insecure of the situation. 

The eldest turned back to the stage and drank whatever was left of his bottle.

"I wanna go home," he murmured and repeated again louder when the other didn't respond.

"I'll just go say goodbye to Jun."

And with that he left Changkyun there by himself. Unsure if he liked Hyunwoo's behavior or company at all right now.

When he was back he merely made a gesture for Changkyun to follow him outside, where a taxi cab was waiting for them.

They sat on the back seat in silence until they arrived home. Before entering, Hyunwoo grabbed Changkyun's wrist with gentleness, and looked down. "I'm sorry." The youngest tried to avoid his eyes. "I behaved like a jerk, I'm sorry if I did anything you didn't like. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"We're fine," he pulled his wrist and turned back when Hyunwoo didn't follow him. "Common hyung, it's cold outside."

The first thing they heard as they walked in was a door slamming shut. And then Jooheon screaming what the fuck hyungs, before storming out of the dorms, pushing Changkyun on his way.

"What is going on? Lee Jooheon!" Hyunwoo followed him outside, closing the door behind him. Changkyun walked into the living room, finding it empty.

"Minhyuk! Open the door!" Kihyun screamed from the hall, banging Changkyun's room door.

He was walking towards them when a loud shattering sound made him freeze on his steps. Kihyun was beside him in seconds, and they both run into the kitchen.

Hoseok and Hyungwon were inside looking at one another with so much hatred Changkyun couldn't recognize their faces as his friends'. The dirty glasses and plates that were before on the table were now broken all over the floor.

"Hoseok," Kihyun warned, but the oldest didn't react. Instead he pushed Hyungwon hard against the counter. "Hoseok!"

"Hyung!" Changkyun helped Kihyun holding him back before he could hurt the model anymore.

"You guys are disgusting!" Hyungwon spat holding himself on the counter to kick at Hoseok's chest.

"Hyung! Stop!" Changkyun was growing desperate, Hoseok only got more furious after the hit, managing to free his right arm from Changkyun's hold. "Hyunwoo!" he screamed when Hoseok managed to grab Hyungwon by the shirt.

The leader entered the room and immediately charged his body against Hoseok's. Changkyun gasped with frustrated tears on his eyes, because instead of helping it looked like Hyunwoo wanted to kill Hoseok himself. "Hyung, stop!"

Behind him, a loud slapping sound was heard, Hyungwon had his face turned to the door and a hand holding his face, and in front of him, Kihyun was fuming.

"What the fuck is going on here!" Changkyun yelped in desperation. He was completely lost on what was it that got his hyungs acting like complete idiots.

"This is your fault too," murmured Hyungwon, looking at Changkyun with disgust, he then pushed Kihyun with all his strength, causing his back to hit the fridge's door, his face contorting in pain. He walked out of the kitchen and eventually out of the dorms. Kihyun went back to try and get Minhyuk out of the bedroom.

When he turned back to the oldest ones, they were pushing each other as well, as if holding themselves from hitting their faces or necks. "Please," he cried. He went to grab Hyunwoo's arm but the leader threw his elbow at the visual's shoulder, dragging out a whine of pain out of him. "I said stop!" Changkyun managed to put himself between them, facing Hyunwoo, and barely covering Hoseok with his own body, as if protecting him. "Hyung.."

"Please, move aside Changkyun," the leader was crying too.

"No. Go to your room. Now. Both of you." His hyungs seemed to snap out of their fury trance at this, "if I hear any of you cursing at the other or you start fighting again I won't call manager, I'll call the fucking police. Do you understand?"

His eyes were full of tears, Hoseok was the first to leave the kitchen, his door slamming seconds later.

"What the actual fuck, hyung?"

"They know. About us," he left after that almost nonexistent explanation.

Changkyun followed him, but instead of going into the room with him he stopped by Kihyun, who was still trying to open his and Minhyuk's room. "Hyung, I don't understand what's happening. Please."

"I- I am so sorry, Kkukkungie. We fucked up everything. And now Minhyukkie won't talk to me, Jooheon is mad, and Hyungwon could tell on us."

"What."

The door in front of them opened. Minhyuk's eyes were red and swollen, but he stepped aside for them to come in, closing after them.

"Can you explain what happened?"

"Tell him. Everything," Minhyuk ordered.

"I was washing the dishes," he began with an apologetic frown, "Hoseok came to help me and I- I didn't think any of the other guys was going to stand up from the living room and walk in.. I was making up with Hoseok when Jooheon came in. He dropped the bowl on his hands, and when I looked at him he- he looked so betrayed."

"He came running to Hyungwon and me and asked if we knew, I didn't, I had suspected but I thought they'd have told me if they were something. Apparently not," Minhyuk sighed, "but Hyungwon knew, he looked angry."

"Then I made the worst mistake. I am sorry, Kyun. We started discussing and I accidentally mentioned the real reason you and Hyunwoo were out today. That only made Hyungwon angrier and Joo.. he looked pale and I couldn't help but think he disliked the idea of any of us dating each other."

"Everything got out of hand pretty quick. We ended up bringing out other things we've been holding back and ignoring."

Changkyun shook his head in disbelief, "we need to talk. Everyone."

"I don't think Jooheon and Hyungwon will want to."

"I am not fucking asking, hyung," the maknae looked at both his elders, "I was having a great day and it all went down, I am not letting this go any lower."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments please! It's what motivates me to keep writing this fic


	15. We all wanna be someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise

The first step was to have Hyunwoo and Hoseok calm so they'd all be on the same side when the moment to explain things to Jooheon and Hyungwon came. Kihyun walked to Hoseok's room and Changkyun did the same with his boyfriend.

"Are you calmed now?" Changkyun asked closing the door and walking to the bed, where the leader was sitting on, holding his head on his hands.

"I'm sorry."

"Everything will be alright.." he stood in between Hyunwoo's legs letting him hug his waist. "Please tell me everything will be alright, hyung."

"It will.. I'm sorry, babe."

"Would you tell me what happened? What did Jooheon hyung say?"

The dancer sighed but finally lifted up his head to look at the other. "He questioned our friendship.. He said he understood why you wouldn't trust him with something like that even when you were getting closer, but I'm his favorite hyung, we are really close, and I never told him about you..."

"I understand. But is that a good enough reason to pick up a fight with Hoseok hyung?"

"Hadn't he been pining Kihyun to the counter Jooheon would have never know about us."

"So you wanted to hide it from him forever?"

"What? No, I- Changkyun."

"I'm not saying this is the better way, it's actually probably the worst way, but they needed to find out sooner or later." Changkyun caressed Hyunwoo's hair, then leaned in to peck at his lips. "We need to solve this, Hyungwon hyung could get us in trouble."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Go and tell that to Hoseokkie hyung. It could have been us that Jooheon hyung walked in, I wouldn't like Hoseok pushing you around because of it."

"Okay."

It was near midnight when the five members on the dorms finished cleaning up the kitchen and were moving to the living room to talk things out, half an hour later Hyungwon walked in.

"Please, Hyungwonnie," Hoseok stopped him before he could reach the hall. "Let's talk."

Hyungwon sighed but sat down on the couch as far as possible from the rest.

"We-"

"I understand why you hid it from me," Hyungwon interrupted Kihyun. "I thought about it while I was walking outside.. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to be careful around me. And don't worry, I won't tell the managers. But hyung," he turned to Hyunwoo, "you have to promise me my father won't find out. Not yet."

"We'll keep it inside the group as long as we have to. I promise you this won't affect you."

"We don't want to make you uncomfortable, hyung," Changkyun lowered his head. But before he could say anything else Hyungwon shook his head and interrupted again.

"I am not uncomfortable.. it's just a little weird. I hope you understand this."

"We do," Hoseok promised. "I'm sorry.. for pushing you."

"I am sorry for slapping you."

"And I am sorry for the thing I said," he stopped Kihyun. "I don't mean those things, it was just a mechanism of defense I guess."

"Same here," murmured Minhyuk, "I don't like you guys keeping secrets from me."

Kihyun laughed and pushed the visual slightly, "sorry Minhyuk-ssi."

"Are we waiting for Jooheon?" Changkyun asked Hyunwoo.

"I don't think he's coming. He probably will stay at the studio."

"I don't like that," Kihyun was pouting and had a troubled look on his eyes. "But he was the only one oblivious to everything after all.."

Jooheon was exactly the person none of them ever wanted to harm, he was probably going to ignore them for weeks, and not let go of the matter for even months. The next morning they got to the studio where Jooheon was already working on his rap, naturally ignoring everyone else. Changkyun decided to wait until they were alone to approach him, but for now he only felt sad and guilty under the main rapper's angry gaze.

The group was on a break after two hours of dance practice, only Kihyun and Changkyun had stayed back in the room while the rest went to grab something to the cafeteria. They were laying on the floor trying to catch some sleep when Changkyun decided this may be his only opportunity of talking to the vocalist alone before the end of the week.

"Hyung, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

Kihyun turned on his belly without opening his eyes and frowned when Changkyun didn't answer.

"I- Um, it's gonna be a weird question, I think, so.. don't freak out?"

"Do you think anything can freak me out after Minhyuk-ssi asked this morning if I had already changed 'our' toothbrush?"

"That was epic, but this may me a bit awkward."

Kihyun opened one eye raising his eyebrow, "ask."

Changkyun sighed but he had been waiting so long to ask about this so there was no point on chickening out now. He hadn't even had time to think about the topic he was about to bring up.

"How is sex with Hoseok hyung?"

The question may have caused short circuit on Kihyun's mind, because he only stared unblinking at Changkyun for half a minute before sitting up nearly falling back.

"Excuse me, what? Can you repeat the question?"

"How is sex with Hoseok hyung?"

"Oh, so I heard correctly.. Um.. May I ask why are you asking that, before answering?"

"Hyung," Changkyun whined. "Okay," he sat up as well. "So, I think Hyunwoo hyung wants to have sex with me," Kihyun nodded and his expression of shock slowly changed to understanding, "I have never done anything beyond kissing, I mean, he was the first guy I kissed, and he has kissed my neck and shoulders, and touched my butt.. but I never know how to act."

"Has he ever done anything of this when you weren't comfortable with it?" Kihyun asked in a serious tone, moving closer to the maknae.

"No, I mean. I end up the kiss before it gets to heated, and yesterday I pushed him away when he pushed me against his body but, it's not that I didn't want to.. I'm just, insecure, I guess? Gosh I sound like a teenager."

"Hey, it's okay. Changkyun, I need you to be honest. Do you want to have sex with him?"

"I do, no, I don't know, yes?" he sighed. "I don't know, I think I may be scared."

"Do you love Hyunwoo?" The maknae nodded without hesitation. "And he loves you." Again. "It's not only about that."

"Is not?"

"No. Before I started having feelings for Hoseok hyung, we had already fucked a couple of times. And before him, I had already been with a girl before. So, my experience was not much, but I really felt attracted to Hoseok, and I trusted him enough to let him be my first time with a man."

"Oh.."

"The sex with him, not gonna lie, it's amazing. But I was also scared the first time. Maybe you should talk about it with Hyunwoo before doing anything."

"Hyung no, that'd be so awkward."

"This is something serious Changkyun, it's not a game, especially on our industry. Hyunwoo and you are in a relationship, you're not a one night stand. When you are having sex, you're trusting the other person enough to be the most vulnerable you that you'll ever be. You-"

The door opened in that precise moment, interrupting Kihyun. Hoseok and Hyunwoo walked in with some water bottles and energizing bars.

"We'll finish this conversation later."

"Yes, hyung."

"Hey, I brought your favorite," Hyunwoo sat in front of Changkyun handing him a chocolate-mint bar.

"Thanks," he smiled avoiding his boyfriend's gaze. "Have you talk to Jooheon hyung yet?"

"Couldn't. But I think Minhyuk did, I hope he'll make him listen to us."

There was nothing better than interacting with fans. Even when they didn't get the opportunity to talk with every single Monbebe at least they got a little experience of it, seeing them face to face, directly talking to them and hearing an answer, it was all such an amazing thing to live. Fortunately they were nervous enough themselves to notice Changkyun's anxiousness, would he be what they expected? Would they like him less after meeting him?

"You're thinking too much."

Changkyun stilled at the comment coming from his left. They were on their way to the first fan meeting event and Changkyun had been over thinking everything since the night before, so he was not only nervous but tired too. The rest of the band took advantage of the long raid on the vans and were sleeping through it.

Jooheon was on the backseat with Changkyun, and apparently he was awake too.

"They'll love you, stop worrying," he didn't even bother to take off his hoodie or open his eyes, but at least he was talking to Changkyun.

"What if I do something wrong or weird and they tell the other Monbebes?"

"They are Monbebe, they'd never do something with bad intentions. And they love us no matter how weird or stupid we may be or look like. Now, let me sleep."

"Hyung.."

"What?"

"Thank you," he made hearts with his fingers knowing the older was taking a glance at him at this point, "I love you."

"Of course you do," he smiled and pulled his hoodie further down to try and get back to sleep.

Jooheon's behavior during the event was as if nothing had happened, they were all ignoring the problem for that moment. Changkyun almost even forgot there was tension between them. It wasn't until the end of it, when they were back in the vans that Changkyun saw Hyunwoo trying to talk to the main rapper only to be pushed away. If Jooheon didn't want to talk, they couldn't force it, but the situation couldn't be ignored forever.

It was a surprise to Changkyun when Hyungwon approached him early the next morning, apparently he and Hyunwoo had tried to talk to Jooheon but he asked them to leave the room and for Changkyun to come.

"I'll be here if you need me," Hyunwoo was standing outside of the room with a worried face.

Changkyun only nodded and closed the door behind him.

"Hyung?"

"Changkyun."

The younger sat down next to the other, keeping his distance. "Were you.. were you planning on telling me? About Hyunwoo hyung and you."

Changkyun looked down, thinking on how he never thought of coming out to any of his members, the ones who knew already did it because of the situation not because he chose to tell them, and he was rather trying to keep it a secret from everyone else.

"If I am completely honest, hyung, I didn't want anyone to know. Not because of Hyunwoo hyung, or because I don't trust you guys, I just, never really considered having to tell someone about us."

"I see.."

"I am sorry, hyung."

Changkyun could understand the displeasure of Jooheon regarding Hyunwoo, but they never really asked or cared about Changkyun's life before, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he kept things from them.

"Don't be.. I should have noticed before, and I guess I was a little blinded because he suddenly became closer to you than to me.. I also thought we were becoming best friends, but I understand that you didn't tell me," he snorted and looked down as well, "after all I kept judging you for some stupid rumors and never asked you the truth or how you were feeling about them."

Changkyun had nearly forgotten about the Halloween events because of the members finding out about them.

"I-"

"I know there's many things you're keeping from us. And it's only our fault that you don't trust us enough to tell. I hope you can forgive me and soon trust me enough to tell me what's bothering you."

"Thank you, hyung."

Jooheon stood up holding his arms open for Changkyun to step in a hug. Which of course the maknae accepted.

"Just please never trust me with TMI about Hyunwoo hyung and you when you guys, you know.."

"Hyung," Changkyun hid his face on the older's shoulder after giving him a little push.

"How did Minhyuk hyung found out about you?" They lay back down on the bed, taking their time to talk as if they didn't have a heavy schedule to begin with.

"He's really good at walking in on us," he laughed, "he heard when hyung told me for the first time that he was feeling something for me, he's so annoying I don't get how he didn't tell you before," Changkyun joked.

"I guess I did notice something, but didn't pay too much attention to it. Same goes for Kihyun hyung and Hoseokkie hyung," he shivered. "Now that explains a loooot of things."

"Do I want to know?"

Jooheon looked at him with disgust and then with a mischievous look.

"The other day I was passing by Kihyun hyung's room an-"

The door of the room opened enough for Hyunwoo's head to peek in, "sorry, you should get ready, we are leaving soon."

"Hyung!" Jooheon called before Hyunwoo could leave. "Am I still your favorite?"

Hyunwoo's confused face was rapidly replaced by a goofy smile which made Changkyun's heart swell up with love. He didn't hesitate on nodding his head and hugging the main rapper. Changkyun gasped as if offended but he was just happy his members were good again.


	16. Where you wanna go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now all I wanna do is see you..

Having everyone in the dorm aware of the relationships of each other didn't bring any significant changes. It didn't mean that know they would display their relationships openly; it was still a bit awkward.

Jooheon was still weirded out too. They were all used to being close, using cheesy names, and being clingy, but knowing why Kihyun didn't push Hoseok away as he did with the others when they back hugged him, and knowing that Hyunwoo and Changkyun were not uncomfortably looking at each other but actually communicating in their own special way.. it was a lot to take in yet.

Besides, he now understood why Hyungwon seemed anxious everytime he caught them hugging or just calling each other names. His father was a good man, but if he knew that Hyungwon's friends were couples and they were living with him this way, he probably would do anything to get Hyungwon out of the group. Of course none of them wanted that, but until they got their first win, Hyungwon was under his fathers' will.

Minhyuk, on the other side, seemed to be the only one unhappy with how things were at the dorms.

"Changkyun, if I had someone like Hyunwoo in love with me I would be all over him all day, you don't pay him enough attention, and this could damage your relationship."

Secretly, Changkyun loved that Minhyuk was pushing them to act as couples at the dorms.

"Hyung, are you sure is not cause you want to have Jooheon hyung for yourself?" he joked holding the bowl of popcorn waiting for Minhyuk to pour more caramel popcorn into it.

It was Friday night, and they had free until Monday morning after two heavy weeks of work, then they would be working even harder for a whole week before management let them go to their families for a few days. They all had agreed to finally watch a drama Hoseok had been asking them to watch with him, they decided to have a marathon and sleep the rest of the weekend off— and even if Kihyun had the biggest room and bed in which probably all seven of them could fit, they were watching it the living room, because they still got an instinct of survival and couldn't promise they were not going to spill anything on Kihyun's bed or carpet.

Changkyun and Minhyuk were—unwisely— put on charge of the snacks, while Kihyun and Hoseok were out to bring something to eat and drink, and the other three set up the TV and arranged were they would be sleeping.

"Don't try to change the topic, kkukkungie. I know you two are busy, I am an idol too, and I do read the schedules Hyunwoo prints so we know were each other is. But, you're always around Jooheon cause you're the rappers, and no this is not about him. I think you should spend this weekend as close as you can to Hyunwoo."

"Okay," he gave in, Minhyuk was right anyway. "I'll sit next to him.."

Changkyun didn't know why he felt so shy around Hyunwoo when the others were there too. Because now they were aware of their relationship and he felt pressured to act like boyfriends.

"Good. Shall we use different bowls or mix them up?" he wondered opening the bag with chili popcorn.

"Don't you dare," Hyungwon walked in just before Changkyun could give an evil laugh and hide some of those popcorn into the butter popcorn's bowl.

"Hyung, you won't even eat them," Changkyun whined handing the older two different bags of chips. "We got you these."

Hyungwon seemed impressed, then took the bags, and made a gesture to allow his group mates to continue with their duty.

"Put some of them on this side, I will turn the bowl without Hyunwoo hyung noticing and he'll eat a lot of them," Changkyun continued.

Back in the living room Jooheon was happily resting on his belly on the bedding on the floor, behind him on the one-person couch Hyungwon was already and slowly enjoying his chips, and finally Hyunwoo was trying to put the drama on the screen in front of them.

"Where are Hoseok hyung and Kihyun hyung?" Hyungwon whined, "I'm hungry. And sleepy."

The only way Hoseok got to convince Hyungwon of not going directly to sleep as soon as they were done with the week's schedules and instead watch at least one episode of his drama was by promising to buy him some shrimp. It shouldn't be that hard for him to convince Kihyun of allowing sea-food at the dorms only this time.

"Popcorn?" Changkyun asked sitting besides Jooheon and offering some popcorn to his boyfriend. And who was Hyunwoo to say not to a handful of food. Changkyun stopped Jooheon before he could grab some too, showing him he had put extra chili powder on that spot.

The four of them waited a bit and then started laughing once the leader turned to face them. "Changkyun!" He turned with his eyebrows raised high and eyes wide, he then frowned pretending to be mad making the other ones laugh even more. He was glad to be entertaining for his dongsaengs, even at the expense of his own suffering.

"Sorry hyung, you like spicy food, I thought you'd like them," Changkyun false apologized. Hyunwoo had the instinct of pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug or something, but he held back, and Changkyun knew him well enough to notice what his little movements and biting his bottom lip meant.

"Are you coming on Monday with me?" asked Hyungwon breaking the silence.

Hyunwoo went back to the TV, and Changkyun and Jooheon to go through the snacks and pay attention to their hyung's conversation.

"Do you really think they would call me?" Minhyuk was laying on the only sofa they had for now until they got a new one—the old one finally passing to a better life.

"Hyung, I shouldn't say this because you'll bully me in the future, but you're not a visual of Monsta X for nothing," Hyungwon said with all the sincerity his cringing at himself permitted.

"You are good looking, hyung," agreed Jooheon. "And you're tall, isn't that extra points when modeling?"

"Not always, but yes. So?" Hyungwon insisted.

"Alright, I'll give it a try." After a few seconds a thought formed in Minhyuk's mind, and he asked without thinking. "Hyung, Kyun.. do you guys find me attractive?"

Jooheon laughed but realized it was a serious question, then looked at Minhyuk with the same shocked expression the rest was giving him.

"I mean, do you think I am attractive to gay guys?"

"Oh shit," Hyungwon was now eating his chips as if it were popcorn, immersed on the conversation and low-key wanting to know the same about himself.

"I guess?" Changkyun took the question because Hyunwoo's mind was malfunctioning at this point.

"I must be everybody's type."

Changkyun rolled his eyes and threw a popcorn to him.

The lock system of the dorm let them know the two missing members were back home. With their dinner.

"Move, I want this place," with an innocent smile Hoseok slightly pushed Minhyuk off the couch, the younger sighed but gave in, sliding dramatically towards Jooheon and Changkyun on the floor.

"I brought what everyone asked for, even you," he tossed a container towards Hyungwon.

"Oh, thanks hyung, don't you want some?"

Kihyun made that characteristic annoyed sound of his and proceeded to give each what they had ordered. He then walked to where Hoseok was occupying all the space on the couch and a glance was enough for the older to move his legs up towards him and out of the way, leaving enough space for the younger to sit.

"Finally," Changkyun said in English once Hyunwoo was at least able to put the drama on the screen.

The others laughed a bit and rapidly focused on the show's intro, while the leader took the only place left, next to his boyfriend, giving him a pout.

Changkyun had the urge to give him a peck on the lips, but he was conscious of Jooheon on his right and Hyungwon behind them. So he only reached for one of his french fries and offered it as an apology.

They finished eating and midway through their fourth episode Changkyun got up to go to the bathroom, when he came back he noticed Hyungwon was already sleeping, Kihyun was leaning back on Hoseok's chest both very focused on the screen, Jooheon and Minhyuk were siting up and still eating snacks at the feet of the bedding, and Hyunwoo was concentrated on the drama too, he had scooted over to the middle of the bedding and was leaning back on the pillows with his characteristic dad pose.

"Are you sleepy already?" Changkyun asked laying closer to him, in search of human heat. And taking advantage of the dad pose to have the older's arm as a pillow, and now that he was more sure no one would pay attention to them he laid his left arm over Hyunwoo's chest.

"No, are you?"

"I drank the Monster Hoseokkie hyung left," he confessed, because he had already drank coffee before dinner.

Hyunwoo turned his head finding the youngest's face millimeters apart from his.

They just needed to look at each other's eyes to see what the other wanted, so Changkyun just leaned in to kiss the older. They stayed like that for about a minute, and when they pulled apart the sound got Changkyun look at the other guys in the room to see if they knew what they were doing. But Minhyuk, Wonho and Jooheon were laughing at what the main protagonist had said, only Kihyun making eye contact with Changkyun, then moving his eyes in direction of the hall.

Changkyun felt his cheeks heat up, and when he turned back to Hyunwoo the older had his eyes still closed. "Hyung.."

"Yes?"

"Do you.. want to go to my room?"

Hyunwoo's expression was funny but it didn't help Changkyun feel less nervous in any way, if anything it made him feel more anxious. He bet the older could feel his heart racing with their chests pressing so close. Hopefully he wouldn't be so dumb and ask why.

They slowly got up and out of the room to avoid getting the attention of the rest, Kihyun himself turning to give Hoseok a little kiss.

After locking the door Changkyun took a few seconds looking at it to breathe in and out a couple of times. He was expecting to turn and see the other standing close to him or something but no, Hyunwoo was sitting on the maknae's bed, fidgeting with his sweatshirt's sleeves and looking at him with expecting eyes.

"I've seen that drama before, so I was getting bored," Changkyun said nonchalantly shifting his weight from his left foot to his right foot.

Hyunwoo made a sound as in understanding but couldn't hold back a smirk.

Changkyun snorted and thinking screw it he approached his boyfriend, placed his arms on Hyunwoo's shoulders and rested his knees on the bed on both sides of him. Hyunwoo hands instantly found their way to Changkyun's waist and happily welcomed the kiss being so eagerly offered.

"You were planning this?" Hyunwoo breathed against his lips, the hold of his hands tightening when the younger ignored the question and instead started kissing his jaw and then neck. "Kyun.." his eyes fluttered close.

Actually he had talk with Kihyun earlier that week, the vocalist thought of a way to have everyone either out of the dorms or sleeping far from the room for one night. Changkyun continued kissing lower and his hands also found their way under Hyunwoo's sweatshirt.

Then, no matter how good the older was feeling he had to stop this, "wait. Changkyun." Changkyun puffed and sat back on Hyunwoo's legs. "Look at me, baby."

Changkyun had an irritated look in his eyes. Was Hyunwoo really rejecting him now? Didn't he want to be with Changkyun? Was he not good enough, or was it because he was a guy?

"What are you doing?" This was definitely different from the times they had kiss before, he could sense the younger wanted to go further. And he wasn't sure if this was right.

"What are you doing?" he was visibly frustrated at being questioned.

"Changkyun," he said this time with a serious tone and trying to ignore the flush on the other's skin and the weight on his thighs and knees. "Kyunnie, I think we should talk about this first."

Changkyun was feeling embarrassed now. He had insisted Kihyun that he didn't need to bring the topic to Hyunwoo because they never talked much anyway and he was sure Hyunwoo wanted this too. He got off the older's lap and sat with his back against the headboard. "Why?"

"I love you."

Changkyun blushed even more at this, turning his head away from the older's gaze.

"I love you so much. And I know you love me too. But I know you've never done anything like this before.. are you sure you want to do it now?"

"Why do you and Kihyun treat me like a baby? I know am the maknae but that doesn't mean I don't know what I want. I am turning 21 years old in about a month, and we've been dating for over four months. So I don't see why you question my sincerity on this."

"Bab-" Hyunwoo sighed. "Kyun, I'm sorry." He moved back on the bed to sit next to his boyfriend. "I just, I thought about the other night and thought maybe you just were not, I don't know.. ready to take this step. I shouldn't have supposed it... Would you forgive me?"

"How could I. You just killed the moment."

They both laughed. "Are you sure? Because we still have like twelve episodes left."


	17. Call It What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you fucking serious right now? They want me out, Hyunwoo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> I love your comments guys, but I especially want to thanks @changkyuneocity ♡

"I love you so much Kyun.."

"I love you too, hyung.. but please.. don't look at me."

Even in the darkness of the bedroom, the older noticed Changkyun's cheeks turning a darker shade of pink, and so the smaller hid his face behind his arms with a nervous laugh.

"But I want to see your face.."

Hyunwoo held down his wrists in one of his hands with such gentleness Changkyun almost cried.

The maknae couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed by the look on his boyfriend's eyes, he was also a bit embarrassed of his own reactions, he didn't know how to act, and he felt completely vulnerable under Hyunwoo's stare.

"..and I want to hear you."

Changkyun's throat was itching from trying to silence the sounds coming from his chest. Despite the inicial pain, and the odd sensation it turned into later, Changkyun had never felt so good before, but he was also feeling a bit useless. Hyunwoo had done all the work until now after they had both agreed to do more than just kissing. He was being so caring and nice to him, and Changkyun couldn't even face the other.

Hyunwoo had brought them a little higher on the bed, placing a pillow under Changkyun lower back to make him more comfortable.

"Hyunwoo, please- hyung.."

"What is it, love?"

Changkyun sighed turning his head to the right and at the same time practically offering his neck for the older to do whatever he pleased. "Just, do something, move.."

Before following the youngest's instructions Hyunwoo caressed Changkyun's hips while kissing his collar bones, he then took the other's hard on in his right hand and stroked it in a slow pace. "Changkyun," he warned as the other had freed his wrists from his hold and was covering his mouth. "Tell me how are you feeling."

With a soft moan Changkyun shook his head, "stop."

The older immediately complied, "are you okay?"

Changkyun rolled his eyes in annoyance but smiled with love, "I told you before, if you continue that I'm not gonna last.." his ears joined his face and neck in embarrassment. "Just, move already, please? I need you to move already."

Hyunwoo was a bit preoccupied of hurting his boyfriend, but he couldn't hold back anymore, so hearing that Changkyun was fine and actually wanted him to continue was all he needed to let his desire loose. He had been wanting to be with the smaller for months now, and Changkyun had been teasing him all night.

Changkyun closed his eyes tightly hoping the pain to diminish if he ignored it and focused instead on the other's body. He allowed his hands to massage Hyunwoo's broad shoulders, admiring the way the muscles contracted under his touch; then he focused on the touch of the other's stomach against his own, were his marked abs were tightening and extending with every move.

Changkyun opened his eyes when the pain was apparently gone and all he could feel was a filling pleasure in his belly. He had asked to turn off the lights, but with the little illumination still coming from outside he could perfectly admire the sweat running down the other's neck.

The older's mouth was now on his chest, drawing out louder and more raspy moans and gasps from the rapper. "Hyung.."

Their movements were a bit clumsier with every passing minute. Hyunwoo changed his weight to his shins and knees, placing his hands on the back of Changkyun's knees; he was watching Changkyun from above, which dragged a whine from the latter. "Use words, Kyunnie."

"Fuck you."

"Hey," Hyunwoo barely managed to laugh, he was getting close but didn't want this to end anytime soon.

"I don't think I- I can't.. anymore," his voice was higher pitched, and his facial expressions indicated the other that he was close too.

Hyunwoo laid on Changkyun and without warning turned them around and then sat down. The change of angle finally brought Changkyun to his orgasm, his legs gave out seconds later, and only when his heart wasn't threatening to break his ribs he realized Hyunwoo had come too, inside the condom but still inside him. He whined and hid his face under the other's chin.

"'m sorry.."

"What for?" Hyunwoo asked genuinely confused.

"I don't know.. was it good?"

The leader laughed and let his hand rub Changkyun's back. "It was perfect.. don't be embarrassed.. first times are never this good."

"So you've been many's first times?" he inquired half joking half honestly.

"I haven't, no. It's just basically a fact, I guess.."

"What about second times..?"

Hyunwoo was lying on his side with his back facing Changkyun, the maknae resting face down beside him. Their positions letting a flow of air filtrate between their bodies which kept Changkyun awake.

"Hyung.. Hyunwoo hyung.. _Dude_! Turn over, will you? Your ridiculously wide shoulders"—which he was admiring and praising earlier that night— "keep this space on the blankets and I'm cold."

"Did you just call me dude in English?" Hyunwoo slowly turned to lay on his back, the space where the air came through finally closing.

"Maybe.. hyung?"

"Yes, baby?"

"I can't sleep.."

"Does it hurt?"

"A little, but I think it's because of the Energizer I drank." The older hummed in acknowledgement but Changkyun knew him too well, "don't fall asleep. You should be making sure I am sleep before even thinking on resting!" he scream-whispered.

"What? Says who?"

"I do."

Hyunwoo couldn't help but laugh, he then moved them around so he was spooning the smaller, "close your eyes and try to sleep, I'm right here," his fingers were lovingly caressing Changkyun's side and belly.

"Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, hyung."

"Shownu oppa!"

A female voice and quick steps behind them had Hyunwoo turn around with worry.

It wasn't unusual to run into fans once in a while, but they had been careful not to call any attention and having someone call their names outside of their dorm was something new.

It was Saturday evening and the leader and the maknae had only now come home from the gym. Changkyun closed the door he had just opened and turned around as well. "Hyung.." Fortunately they were wearing face masks and hoodies, because they were not wearing any make up.

The girls approached them with their phones in hand, asking for pictures and videos.

Hyunwoo complied acting cool, and with a glance ordered Changkyun to go inside. Apparently the girls were only interested on the older because they let Changkyun go without complaining.

"What's with that face?" Hyungwon asked from where he was lying on the sofa enjoying a bag of chips.

"There's some fans outside, they are taking pictures with Hyunwoo hyung."

"Fans? How did they find us?" Hoseok walked to the window to peek out.

"Should we call the manager, or the police?" Kihyun asked standing behind his boyfriend. "What did they want?"

Changkyun was pouting with a frown, "I don't know, they asked him for pictures, maybe autographs."

"Are you sulky because they didn't ask you for any?" Hyungwon teased him but also offered him some of his chips.

"Why are you even awake? I thought you were going to sleep literally all the weekend," Changkyun replied.

"I am going back to sleep after this bag.. maybe you're just jealous of those girls."

"They are talking.. hyung looks upset," Hoseok informed them.

"That's it, I'm going to see what's happening," Kihyun tried to go outside but Hoseok stopped him by grabbing him by the wrist.

"Don't. They are leaving. Let's ask hyung."

Hoseok and Kihyun sat down with the other two waiting for Hyunwoo to walk in, but he didn't.

"What's taking him so long?" Changkyun opened the door to reveal the emptiness of the outside. "Where did he go?"

"What?" Hoseok stepped out as well, both looking for any sign of their leader.

"What if they kidnapped him? Oh shit, I am calling the police," Kihyun had just grab the phone when Hoseok saw Hyunwoo walking back from the alley a couple of blocks from their place. "Hyung!" he called with a demanding tone once the older entered the dorm.

Hyunwoo ignored all of them and walked to the bathroom then closed the door behind him.

"What the hell just happened?" Hyungwon asked with a sleepy tone.

Kihyun and Hoseok looked at each other then at Changkyun, the rapper only snorted in response, following the path the leader had walked.

"Hyung! Open the door," he ordered but the other didn't open the bathroom door immediately, about a minute after though he came outside, wearing casual and clean clothing, and not even looking at Changkyun. "Hyung!" he reached for Hyunwoo's wrist.

"I'll be back," the leader informed with a neutral tone and easily freed his arm. He stopped in front of the main vocalist and whispered something Changkyun wasn't able to hear before going out of the dorms again.

"What did he say?" the maknae knew he could trust on his mom.

"That he needed to sort out some stuff at the company and not to let you follow him," Kihyun crossed his arms. "He didn't say anything about me not following him."

"Don't," Hoseok warned. "Let him go, we can ask him later when Jooheon and Minhyuk are awake too, they never fail on getting info out from hyung."

Changkyun felt discouraged because they were supposed to spend the whole weekend together, he had even cancelled his plans with Jooheon tonight, and now he was standing here with nothing to do and not knowing what was going on with his boyfriend. He didn't like the way he was feeling about it either, he just didn't want to suspect on anything.

"We were about to go Christmas shopping, do you want to tag along, kkukkungie?"

"I'm fine, hyung. I'll just play some games on the computer and maybe sleep a bit. Just bring me some chocolate milk would you?"

"Chocolate mint?" Kihyun smiled with hopes.

"Don't you even dare, hyung."

Changkyun waited until Hyungwon had fallen asleep and Kihyun had left with Hoseok to come out of the dorms and make his way to the company. There was no way Hyunwoo would try and hide anything from him, not now that they were so close and trusted one another with their lives.

As he entered the floor in which he usually could find the leader talking to the heads of Starship he spotted Gunhee, who only glanced at him with something that looked a lot like concern or worry. He walked down the hall and decided to face the older. "Hello, have you seen Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah, he's downstairs talking with your manager.."

"Oh, thank you."

"Wait," he stopped Changkyun. "They are going to offer you something big, Changkyun. And I know we are nowhere close to be great friends, but I want to ask you a favor. Jooheon hyung really likes you, and you two really are a great team, just, talk with him before you take any decision, okay?"

Changkyun was very confused, he didn't have an idea of what the other was possibly talking about.

"I don't-"

"Changkyun?"

The maknae turned to find Hyunwoo coming his way, his expression was far from being happy or friendly.

Changkyun couldn't help but lower his head when the taller stood in front of him and crossed his arms.

"Oh, Changkyun!" their manager greeted before Hyunwoo could do or say anything. "I'm glad you're here, there's something we need to talk about."

"You said you would allow me to talk to him first," Hyunwoo interrupted.

"Hyunwoo, I think it would be better if he just gave us an answer before the weekend ends, don't you think so too?"

"What is going on?" Changkyun asked both but his eyes were glued on his boyfriend. 

"Follow me."

Changkyun decided to follow the older instead of staying behind with Hyunwoo. They came into one of the meeting rooms and sat down.

"So.. I'll keep it simple. One of the Big Three decided to take on a project that was abandoned before by a little company in bankruptcy.. The conditions are very specific, and it's quite an unique offer," he sighed making the rapper even more anxious. "They want to bring back Nu'bility."

Changkyun was thankful they had sat down before or else he might have fallen to the ground by now. His ears were ringing, and his eyes lost focus for a few seconds. A lot of memories and overwhelming feelings flooded his mind and chest in destructive waves.

"They offer a six years contract, same positions you had back then when you were a group, double of payment we can offer you. But it has to be the five of you, or none; and you have to work under the concepts they give you... You'd lose your rights related to Monsta X and Starship, including those regarding NO.Mercy and the rest of reality shows."

"What's in for you?"

"We would get some good shares at the company, and we could replace you with Gunhee."

Changkyun felt a sharp pain on his chest, "I-"

"I think you should talk this with your members, and then with the rest of your past group. We need an answer before the year ends, Changkyun. I have a meeting so I should get going.. This is a good chance that benefits all of us, Changkyun. Think about it."

Was he really that prescindible that his own manager was helping him go instead of convincing him to stay?

The door opened again indicating the rapper that someone came in right after the manager left and he didn't need to lift his head to know who it was.

Changkyun could feel a migraine coming from the speed his thoughts changed at every second. No matter what decision he took, he would end up betraying someone he loved.

"Let's go home."

"What did they tell you?"

"The same he just told you."

"I meant the girls."

"Changkyun.."

The younger stood up and made his way back home ignoring the bear following him. The older walked behind him with an obvious distance between them, but he hurried to his side once they reached the dorms.

"They saw your members reunited at SM Entertainment's cafe without you and wondered if you were leaving the group to join them, they have someone inside the company so the confirmed rumor is already known among fans. They also started a rumor about you liking boys, and they wanted me to get away from you unless I wanted them to ruin my career too."

Changkyun sat down on the steps and hid his face between his knees.

"This is too much."

"I asked the manager to take legal action against them, and to move dorms. Then they told me about the offer and they asked me to help you take the decision that would benefit us all more."

"They want me out, Hyunwoo."

"It's actually a good offer.."

"Are you fucking serious right now?"

"I think it would be pretty selfish of me if I asked you to reject it."

"Then you don't know what's best for me. And what I really want is to stay where I am right now," his eyes were filled with tears at this point, and his voice more raspy than usual.

"Changkyun. Look at me, love."

The younger shook his head, shutting the other out and allowing his thoughts to wonder to dark places.

"Babe, I'm sorry. Please.. Changkyun."

"I love this group.."

"Come here." Hyunwoo sat beside him and dragged him to his lap, not caring if anyone saw them, not even now that he knew their house's address was known by sasaengs. "We'll figure this out, together."


	18. Don't Blame Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary, this is pure angst and no lies; hope it doesn't upset anyone.

With throaty voice from crying, Changkyun stood up from Hyunwoo's lap, "I want to tell them, they must know. This will affect them whatever the final decision is."

"Is everybody home?" Hyunwoo asked as they entered the dorm, one of his arms secured around Changkyun's waist keeping him close.

"Actually, no. I think only Hyungwon hyung's here.. and he's probably sleeping already," Changkyun remembered Minhyuk was taking his place in Jooheon's plans while Hoseok and Kihyun were out shopping.

"Left alone sleeping? Not the wisest choice."

"They don't know I followed you to the company," the youngest confessed.

"I see. I'm gonna make some tea, do you want some?"

"No thanks," Changkyun shook his head, he then walked to the closest sofa and threw himself in it where he curled up in a small and trembling ball.

Hyunwoo came back from the kitchen a few minutes later with two cups of tea on his hands, "drink it."

The mood on the room was tense, Hyunwoo was being extra careful not saying what came to his mind — Changkyun was still on the verge of an anxiety attack and he didn't want to cause it by saying something stupid.

"I am the most nervous about meeting my old members," Changkyun began, not really talking to Hyunwoo but rather to himself, his eyes were focused on the ceiling and his fingers tightly wrapped around the unfinished cup of tea. "I am afraid of what my mind will resolve in; I think as soon as I see them I may forget about Monsta X and want to go back to them..."

Hyunwoo walked over to him and sat on the arm rest at Changkyun's feet, just looking at him and hoping the rapper would know he got all of the leader's attention.

"I am also afraid of telling the rest of this group about the offer, and looking over at Jooheon hyung's expression and immediately forget about Nu'Bility-" he suddenly sat up, almost spilling the tea on himself, "what if they think I asked for this and hate me?" his worried eyes were now on Hyunwoo.

"They would never hate you. Don't give me that look, I know what you're thinking.. That was before, under totally different circumstances and.. we know you now. Still, I think, I think that if you were to take the offer, they would still not hate you."

"It's just that.. During No.Mercy and right before our debut, half of the time I was worried on being good enough to belong here, and the other half of the time I was hoping an opportunity like this would came up and save me," Changkyun sourly laughed, "now I am so confused on what I want."

"They were asked an answer before the year ends, you don't have to listen to manager and rush things. You were right.. I don't know what's the best for you. You will know after taking your time to think about it; you will get a clearer idea by talking to both groups."

"Hyung," Changkyun whined laying back down, "I kinda just want Kihyun hyung to laugh in my face and tell me there's no way I'll leave Monsta X alive," they both laughed at the thought of Kihyun forbidding Changkyun to even think about leaving the group.

In that moment the front door opened to reveal a noisy pair of boys not caring about the sleeping corpse in the house.

"Oh, hey guys," Minhyuk giggled hiding a bag behind his back.

"Hey?" Hyunwoo frowned but was ignored.

"Oh?" Jooheon, who was previously hiding something too, dropped the things from his hands as soon as he noticed the cups of tea, "are you okay Changkyunnie? Are you feeling ill?"

"You! You should be more careful with our baby when-" Minhyuk began causing Hyunwoo to stand up and the maknaes to laugh. "Oh gosh, don't square up at me."

"I am fine, hyung. What do you have there?" Changkyun was trying to divert the attention from himself until the missing members were home too.

"Christmas gifts!"

"Jooheon," sighed the second eldest in the room, "it was supposed to be a surprise.."

"Well, it's not like they're opening them now, Min hyung, we haven't even wrapped them yet."

"Shall we go shopping tomorrow?" wondered Hyunwoo realizing only them, and probably Hyungwon, didn't have anything to give to their band mates on Christmas.

"I am the maknae," he responded as if obvious, "I can accompany you to buy gifts for your dongsaengs."

Hyunwoo sighed yet once again.

It wasn't long before the two missing members arrived to the dorms, now it was only matter of waking Hyungwon up so they could break the news to all of them. So Hyunwoo excused himself to do so, while Changkyun answered Kihyun's questioning.

"Everything's fine, hyung," he lied. "There's just, something we- I need to tell you," Changkyun hugged his legs closer to his torso.

A few minutes later Hyungwon entered the room followed by the leader, "how did you- was he awake already?"

Hyunwoo shook his head.

"From now on you're helping me waking him up," Kihyun huffed taking seat beside his boyfriend, Changkyun on his other side. "So..?"

Hyunwoo straightened his back when Changkyun didn't even make a sound for a couple of minutes, ready to start the conversation; but the rapper made up his mind and decided the sooner he was over with this the sooner he would have a solution and eventually his stress and anxiety would be over sooner too.

"Starship is making a deal with SM Entertainment. It has to be an unanimous decision, apparently it's only my vote missing. But I needed to talk with you hyungs before doing anything else."

Jooheon and Hyungwon's faces were contorted in total confusion, the other three were already making conclusions, and while Kihyun and Hoseok were looking kind of concerned Minhyuk looked rather upset. "What exactly is this deal about? Hyung?" Jooheon needed reassurance from their leader.

"Let's call it a relocation. SM is interested in debuting Changkyun's old group," he summed up.

"But is not mandatory, right? You can choose," the main rapper stood up and walked over Changkyun, who only nodded as an answer. "Great, then there's nothing to worry or talk about."

He was trying to convince himself with that loose statement, Hyungwon cringed but nodded trying to both encourage himself and Jooheon and persuade Changkyun of choosing them.

"So you are leaving," Minhyuk huffed when Changkyun didn't comply with the older maknaes.

"He never said that," Kihyun interfered.

"I- I still need to talk with my members."

"Your members?" Minhyuk huffed. "SM pays better, I guess," he attempted to leave the room but Hyunwoo tightly held his forearm. "Let go."

"Let him go, hyung," Changkyun approached them, "Minhyukkie hyung?"

The voice of their youngest stopped him easier than the leader's forceful hold.

"I don't want to leave.. don't give me reasons to think about it."

"It doesn't make sense," Hoseok interrupted from the couch, giving Minhyuk an opportunity to leave. "This is bullshit, I don't like this."

"Hyung?" Kihyun arched an eyebrow, furthering the older to explain himself.

"What would happen to Monsta X? Like, it would never be the same without one of us, right?"

"Managernim mentioned Gunhee.." Hyunwoo murmured but the silence in the room was such that everyone present listened perfectly to what he said.

"They can't just, replace, one of us," Jooheon was growing frustrated, he didn't even stop to think this could mean finally being in the same debuted band with his best friend. Because he had new best friends with whom he had already debuted.

"The show must go on," Hyungwon agreed, but not with Jooheon. "Even without Changkyun or Gunhee.. we are already a group, right? This is our careers we are talking about, it wouldn't have to stop because of one of us.. We all deserve to succeed."

"You want him out?" Kihyun's eyes were filling with tears, but as much as they could be reflecting his despair about the offer made and the possibility of Changkyun taking said offer, for all they knew he could be crying in a fit of anger, ready to attack.

"You rather the group to be split up because we fought over what's better for him and what's better for the rest of us?"

"Watch your mouth, I am still older than you."

"Hyungs, stop, please."

Changkyun was trembling at this point.

"Guys, the reason Changkyun is telling you about the offer is so we help him choose the right option, not make him even more confused," Hyunwoo held Changkyun's smaller hand in his.

"Well?" Changkyun asked now that they were more calmed.

They were silent for about five minutes, none daring to make eye contact with him.

"You are considering it.. that has to mean a lot in your decision," Jooheon pointed out. 

"Both outcomes involve people getting hurt. People I love."

"I am pretty sure both sides would forgive and accept whatever outcome you pick," Kihyun assured him with a sad smile.

Hoseok was frowning deeper with every passing second, everyone else looking at him until he noticed, "have you even thought about Monbebe?"

Changkyun's sharp inhale answered better than words. "Hyung-"

"I know what you think," Hoseok interrupted him. "I know how things we're before, and that your relationship with most of our fans is still weary. But they love you, and I'm pretty sure they'd be pained if you left."

"I'm pretty sure they'd hate you even more," Hyungwon snorted.

"They'd support him," Kihyun wasn't happy with the others' comments.

"We don't know," Jooheon sighed," it could be the three of those..."

"Some of them could stop supporting the whole group, or blame his leaving on us," Hyungwon was growing impatient. He didn't need this on his free day.

"They'd fight to get him back," Hyunwoo assured, "but yeah, that could also ruin our careers."

Changkyun gasped at this, just hours prior the leader practically told him to leave the group, and now he was sure it could ruin Monsta X as a long term consequence.

"I don't want to leave Monsta X," the maknae confessed but there was still doubt in his voice. "And I don't care what you think, not even if you want me out."

With this he walked out of the room and into his bedroom; he found Minhyuk lying on his belly on his own bed and walked right up to him.

"Stop pitying yourself, hyung. I ain't leaving this group," _not when you all are and would make sure I feel guilty about it._ "You should go to the living room, Jooheon hyung looks like he could use one of your hugs.

"Kyun? Where are you going?"

"Walk. Don't follow me."

He repeated this to the guys on the living room, not sparing a glance to any of them, not even Hyunwoo.


	19. Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know what to tell you, there was so much I wanted to share with you.. and so much I've been wanting to tell you guys but now that we are actually reunited I just, I don't know what to say."
> 
> "I already told the directors my decision."

The group didn't talk about the matter through the next days, only Changkyun and Hyunwoo participated on a reunion that involved the other company's directors, which only ended up putting more pressure on the young rapper's shoulders. Their heavy schedule was the only thing that helped him keep his mind on steady grounds, but as soon as the week was over and the boys were allowed to go to their families Changkyun found himself alone in the group's dorms.

Hyunwoo had insisted he came with him to his own house but the rapper refused, deciding some time alone and away from his members could benefit him.

When he was alone after so much time being surrounded by so many people, Changkyun video called his parents and gave them the news.

"Maybe, you could make a list of the advantages of each company or band, like, the non-emotional factors," his father suggested perceiving his son's dilemma.

"Advantages? Well, I guess.. not being the maknae? Having all the raps for myself.. having more screen time and better payment since we'd be five and not seven. Now, regarding idol treatment, SM doesn't have the best reputation, at least comparing it to Starship; with Monsta I would have more promotion... I don't know, I-"

"Changkyun," his mother brought him out of his thoughts and muttering. "Having the possibility to choose between two entertainment companies is something unique, but I think it's something you would have only appreciated if it had happen to you in your trainee days.. now, Starship took you when your previous company had to let you go, the same way they did by giving your Shownu hyung another opportunity, SM is a big company that would probably never do such a thing; I believe they have big plans which would benefit you and your previous members, but you have responsibilities now. You already debuted. You are no longer a trainee whose decision will only affect himself, but they will now mark the future for other ex-trainees as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Your father is right, there's many advantages and disadvantages on both leaving and staying, you already know them. You already talked to your group too, and yes you still have to talk it out with your previous group; your decision must be based on all of those things, but also on what you want."

"I know I don't want to leave Monsta X."

"I am proud of you," his father smiled. "That you're considering the other people's feelings, I think you should start thinking on how you're telling your friends what you just told us."

He only nodded.

That night, lying on Hyunwoo's bed, Changkyun sent three messages.

He agreed to see Nu'Bility's ex-members the very next day; he sent Christmas wishes to Monsta X's group chat; and he sent 'I miss you,' to his boyfriend, getting 'I love you,' as response.

Changkyun was now sitting alone in the furthest corner of a pretty empty cafeteria in the outsides of the city, his right leg wouldn't stop bouncing and giving away how anxious he was, and his eyes were wondering to the door every few seconds. Not long after, four guys walked through that door, and Changkyun stood up suddenly feeling ill.

He was so happy of seeing his hyungs and his dongsaeng after so long; but it was a bittersweet feeling, because in the span of a second, them being there brought more memories than his mind did alone in the previous days.

"Hyung!" Jongyeon spot Changkyun before the rest and rushed over him, almost knocking over the rapper by jumping to his arms.

"Gosh, you've grown Yeonnie," he laughed hugging the younger back. "How have you been?"

The other only smiled and let the rest of the guys greet Changkyun.

After they all sat down and ordered something to eat Changkyun began with the inevitable conversation, "so, I heard you were hanging out without me?"

"You've been busy," Taehyuk answered with a snort.

"I've missed you guys," Byunghwa smiled with his eyes glued to Changkyun, "this is not the way I imagined we would be all back together but I guess we should be thankful for it, right?"

"I guess you're right," the rapper lowered his head, "I don't know what to tell you, there was so much I wanted to share with you.. and so much I've been wanting to tell you guys but now that we are actually reunited I just, I don't know what to say."

"Just, don't you dare try and apologize for anything, I know what you're thinking," Jeongwook held Changkyun's hand in his encouraging him to continue.

"I can feel your anxiousness and by just looking at your eyes I know you're about to go crazy," Byunghwa looked at him with his motherly love Changkyun missed more than anything about Nu'Bility, "we already got a shot together, and the universe told us it wasn't the correct thing.. we all have different ambitions and responsibilities now Changkyun. SM can debut a more promising group, so don't worry about what our reaction to your rejection could be, because this decision has only been unanimous for the directors, not us. And it's us who matter."

"So.. what you're saying is-"

"We found out none of us was 100 percent sure or willing to accept the offer. And we want you to stay as a member of Monsta X, and succeed with your hyungs," the eldest stated leaving no room for discussion. "What's taking them so long? Is not like there are any other clients waiting," Taehyuk got up like the embarrassing hyung he was, ready to fight the staff of the restaurant for not having his food already on their table after barely five minutes since they ordered.

Changkyun laughed along the other guys and couldn't help but let some tears escape his eyes. He had worried so much, and now his friends were putting an end to that pointless suffering. They were happy for him, and now he wanted to make them proud even more than before.

"Aigoo, don't cry, your face looks weird when you cry," Jeongwook gave him a playful push.

They were talking and eating for hours since they all had the day free and didn't have anything to do before the next day.

Changkyun was showing the youngest the photos of Jooheon sleeping he had snatched some weeks before since he was Jongyeon's favorite member—Changkyun had falsely gasped at that—, when a notification popped in the screen calling his friend's attention before Changkyun could move the phone away. "Did I just read what I think I read, hyung?"

"What is it?" Byunghwa asked the youngest.

"Are you.. Oh my God."

"Shut it," Changkyun was clearly panicking.

He had never even thought about letting his friends know about Hyunwoo, like, they didn't even know he liked men, he never thought about what their reactions or opinions would be, and if he had accepted being Nu'Bility would he have ever told them, or introduced Hyunwoo to them as his boyfriend?

"Changkyun?" the oldest looked worried. "Is everything alright?"

"Tell them," Jongyeon smiled ignoring the alarm on Changkyun's eyes. "We'll keep it a secret if you want, but tell them."

"Chang?"

"I am dating someone.."

The remaining three men were in shock for a moment before showing their excitement by annoying Changkyun and even inviting themselves to 'his wedding'. "Is she an idol? Do we know her?"

Changkyun's smile disappeared at the question.

"Is not a she."

"Oh.. then, is he an idol?" Byunghwa corrected himself as if nothing, smiles and curiosity still on all of their faces.

"Is one of your members am I wrong?" Taehyuk wondered before Changkyun could even nod.

"Please don't tell me is Jooheon," the youngest pouted getting a laugh from his hyungs.

"No," to see the others' reactions were rather positive he felt more confident talking about his relationship which he hadn't talked about to anyone outside of Monsta X. "Hyunwoo hyung," he unconsciously smiled provoking more agitation from his friends.

That day, Changkyun became sure of two things. First, the love his ex members had for him was enough to accept him no matter what and to let him go as a member. Then, his love for Hyunwoo was too much he felt proud and excited even by only mentioning his name to other people. He hadn't noticed before because they were always together and were able to act as a couple only when there was no one around or it was only Monsta X present.

Changkyun entered the dorm as silently as he could, knowing his members must have arrived and gone to sleep hours ago. He had spent some more hours with his friends before going to his company to let the directors know their decision. Changkyun then took a walk to clear his mind.

He noticed the kitchen's light was still on and wondered which of his hyungs would be getting a snack so late. And of course he found his boyfriend eating uncooked—and probably expired since it's been a while since the last time they cooked or went grocery shopping— ramyeon.

With a slight knock on the wall, Changkyun called the other's attention, letting him know he was no longer alone. "Hey," Hyunwoo put down the food.

The last time they'd seen each other things were still a little tense and their goodbyes were only accompanied by a short hug. So instead of answering, Changkyun walked until he was in front of the leader and sneaked his arms around the older's waist, he then stood on his tiptoes to sweetly kiss his boyfriend. "I love you," he whispered hiding his face and pressing their bodies tighter together.

"I know," Hyunwoo cupped the shorter's face in his hands forcing him to look at him in the eye. "I love you too," he stated with a goofy smile and proceeded to kiss his boyfriend.

The dancer waited until they were lying beside each other in Changkyun's bed to ask about his doings.

"I already gave an answer to the directors," Changkyun murmured playing with Hyunwoo's chin. "You need to shave, hyung."

Hyunwoo shook his head to free his face from Changkyun's inspection. "You did? Before you tell me, you know I'd support you no matter what, right?"

Changkyun nodded with sure eyes.

"Monsta X won't get rid of me so easily, hyung."

Hyunwoo couldn't help but smile, turning his head away trying to hide his tears from Changkyun's attentive stare.

"Good. Because I was ready to fight SM people to make them not want you to join them."

Changkyun snorted and his whole body trembled at how cringe-worthy his boyfriend could be, but he also kissed him with a thumping heart.

The next morning when Kihyun walked into the room to wake them up Changkyun was already awake and making grabby hands at him like a little kid. The main vocalist raised an eyebrow suspicious of the maknae's attitude since things hadn't been the same after all the bringing Nu'Bility back matter. "Mom," he whined when the older didn't reach out for him as well.

Kihyun huffed and helped Changkyun get off the bed. "You're too heavy, Kyun-ah."

"So you're admitting you're the small one in this group."

"I am not. Now get on your feet before I intentionally drop you down. What's with you?" he wondered when the rapper wrapped his arms around him. "Did you really miss me so much?"

"Of course. And I already told the directors they won't get me anywhere away from you."

"Kyun," Minhyuk whimpered before Kihyun could. "Really?"

"I told you before I wasn't leaving this group, hell, I worked hard for it I won't let it go anytime soon."

"Come here," Minhyuk did lift him up (unlike Kihyun) in a rib-breaking hug.

"Oh god, I better tell the news through text to Jooheonnie and Hoseokkie hyungs or I'll be dead before Hyungwon hyung even wakes up."

"I am awake," a sleepy voice announced from the door, "what are you guys doing here? You should be preparing breakfast or something," Hyungwon couldn't notice the other's happiness because he wasn't wearing his glasses, so he walked straight to the bathroom instead of inquiring why they were crying.

Something Jooheon did notice when he walked down the hall again after finding out the bathroom was already occupied. "Hyung-" he started when he noticed Hyunwoo had slept there and not in their room. "What's going on?"

Hyunwoo, who was stretching and trying to stay awake only pointed to Changkyun as an answer, and it was all the main rapper needed to understand. He pouted and went straight to hug his only dongsaeng.

"I'm sorry for ever doubting, Kyunnie."

"It's alright, hyung."

It was until they were about to take breakfast that Hoseok came back from the gym and Hyungwon and him walked into the dining room to know the news. As Changkyun had feared he received a rib-breaking hug, but it wasn't from the hyung he had expected it to come.

"Thank you," Hyungwon whispered in the shorter's ear, giving away his feelings in his quavery tone of voice.

"Than you, hyungs," Changkyun assured holding Hoseok's hand without letting go his grip on the model.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is some serious shit that upsets me and makes me doubt what being a Monbebe means, https://twitter.com/BebegomM/status/1219826011354861568?s=20
> 
> Please support Monsta X as if Wonho was there too, it's so unfair that they have to suffer our displeasure, of course we all want him back, but I can assure you he left the group hoping not to hurt his members and yet most of our fandom is acting like they are not worth enough without Wonho and ruining their careers too.


	20. End Game, We Are Here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun both hated and loved how cheesy he had become over the time by dating Sohn Hyunwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG BUT IMPORTANT LETTER FROM AUTHOR:
> 
> Hello! Before you read this last chapter, I want to apologize to all of you, amazing readers (especially the ones who comment and the ones that have shared personal thoughts or feelings that you related to the story or Changkyun's feelings). My plan was to finish this story on December last year; unfortunately, every time I wanted to write something came up on my personal life, which is pretty fucked up to be honest. And then this is my last year of the career and I'm finishing my social service at the same time, so it's been difficult to have free time; and unfortunately (again) in those moments I don't feel like writing at all. But I've always had the intention to finish the story and write some more, so don't worry. I really want to thank you all (and if you've read all of this nonsense I love you even more); thank you for understanding, and if you're reading this after the story is completed then I really hope you've enjoyed it, and feel free to comment on any chapter, I love love LOVE your comments. I have some ideas for more angsty One-Shots and new stories, so look forward to them please, also if you haven't read my previous story: I'M No Mercy.. then what are you waiting for? Hahaha Please, support Monsta X NO MATTER WHAT, stream All About Luv, and join Wonho's Birthday Project!

**FINAL CHAPTER:**

Writing lyrics was one of Changkyun's favorite kill-time. In the times his schedule didn't match any of his members' he would just grab a pen and his notebook and work on the projects he hasn't finished yet, or just open the notepad on his phone and write anything that came to his mind at the moment.

Some things he erased, others he threw to the nearest trash can without giving it a second chance. Some were never finished, some were totally forgotten. Some he shared with Hoseok or Jooheon to make a song out of it, some others were only read by Hyunwoo.

Changkyun was a quiet and secretive person by nature, just like his boyfriend. Communication had been an important factor from the moment they met, because neither of them opened to the other at first, nor shared their worries openly. But they understood each other in ways the others wouldn't completely understand.

Some things he wrote were inspired on situations going on around him, some only reflected his feelings and fears, or those from his members.

"Are you there?"

"I wasn't alone, and I think I was facing away from that fact."

"When I thought there was no one who could understand me, you were there to soothe my wound... The good and evil on my mind, occurred all because of you... I always want to be peaceful and free. With the love that will save me from this deep swamp..."

Screams.

"Changkyun!"

The rapper snapped out of his trance.

Then a sharp pain pierced his ear as cold fingers pressed the cartilage and skin just above his earring. "Why are you not ready?"

"Kihyunnie hyung!" he whined. "I was looking at Monbebe, they look about to cry with the VCR," there was a hint of amusement and proud in his voice. And it's here where a 2019 in white bold font appears in your mind because yes, we are now in Alligator era, time skip baby.

Kihyun sighed with frustration, "the noonas are looking for you; pelase don't get us in trouble so near from ending the tour Kkukkungie. Hyung!" The main vocalist called his leader's attention but didn't let go of his grip on the maknae's ear until Hyunwoo was holding Changkyun by the wrist. "Here, tell your fiance to go get ready before the next stage."

All Hyunwoo did was give the shortest a goofy smile as an answer, then proceeded to drag Changkyun down the hall ignoring his complaints.

"Do you really have to watch Monbebe reactions to the VCRs in every single city?"

"I do, as a matter of fact. My voice sounds so good in that kind of narration, you know?"

"I know," Hyunwoo pecked his lips before pushing him into the changing room. "Now go get ready."

It wasn't until they were back in the vans that Changkyun got to be by his boyfriend's side. They sat on the back seats and enjoyed each other's presence in a comfortable silence, their eyes and hands wondering about their engagement rings — this alone made Changkyun smile. The emotions and happiness Changkyun experienced when Hyunwoo asked him to marry him he could only compare to their first win.

It had been during Shoot Out era, Hyunwoo had been extremely occupied and stressed with their schedule having so many dates in American shows that the only thing Changkyun could actually do to help him take pressure off his shoulders was to practice English with all of their members so they wouldn't struggle as much and would actually participate in interviews.

Changkyun completely understood his boyfriend's snappy attitude and kept his distance when the older needed time alone, however, he couldn't help but feel a bit distanced. He focused on his own work and preoccupations. And whenever he felt down, his other five hyungs would cheer him up. It all went to the point in which Changkyun almost forgot they were actually dating, and was only reminded of it when Kihyun and Hoseok—as busy as they were— made time and hanged around like a normal couple would do.

Once they were back in Korea to rest and prepare for the release of Take Two: We Are Here Changkyun decided to have a serious conversation with the older. Hyunwoo looked very nervous when the youngest shared his concerns with him, he was avoiding Changkyun's gaze, playing with his own fingers and biting his lower lip.

The youngest was convinced Hyunwoo was going to break up with him at that moment — he didn't know Hyunwoo had the same fear since Kihyun asked him the previous week if they were still something, because Changkyun was again keeping his true feelings to himself. Even after about three years that they had been dating Hyunwoo felt like he didn't deserve Changkyun, and he had been nervous the younger would realize this too.

So, without telling anyone—which only worsened his uneasiness—, he planned to propose. His plan was completely forgotten when he finally met his boyfriend's gaze and found watery eyes throwing back a defeated look. "Changkyun.. please.. marry me?" And he pulled the little blue box out of his jacket pocket — he'd decided to keep it close in case one of the maknaes, or Kihyun, rummaged through his stuff.

In no longer than three seconds, Changkyun's heart and mind experienced a short circuit. He was about to ask if it was all a joke, but the sincerity and desperation he saw on Hyunwoo's eyes a second later after registering what the box in his hands meant was enough to bring him to tears. They were alone in Changkyun and Minhyuk's room, sitting on the floor and facing one another; so the maknae didn't suffer the consequences of his weakening legs, and instead pushed his upper body against Hyunwoo to crush him in a hug, which the other interpreted as a yes.

"I hate you, I love you, idiot."

Hyunwoo couldn't answer until Changkyun stopped kissing him and repeating how stupid Hyunwoo was for making him worry for nothing and how much he loved him. "I'm sorry.. I love you so much, I can't imagine living without you by my side.. even if marrying you would brought to me all the jealousy and hate of your stans I'd still stop being an idol for you."

"You're so cringey."

Even Hoseok had think it was too much when they told the members about their engagement and Changkyun shared the over romantic scenario Hyunwoo had painted to Changkyun, telling him how he wanted to propose on the day he was to leave for the military service as if they were in a World War Two American Movie.

Now, on their way to the hotel after yet another concert Changkyun was thinking on how would telling Monbebe about their relationship after years hiding it would be.

"Remember what we said when SM offered to debut you with Nu'Bility?" Hyunwoo knew him too well to let him let his mind wonder dangerous places alone.

"Hyung?"

"There's going to be mixed opinions and reactions. We only need our members, families and friends' support. It's almost 2020, things are changing, and I'm not going to not marry you just because of what other people expect from us. This is our lives we are talking about."

"You're so corny," Changkyun joked trying to conceal how affected he was by the older's words.

The first thing they did coming back to Korea and before having to prepare for the release of Follow was to tell their manager about their relationship, which of course gained them scolds and puzzled looks that were slowly replaced by resignation and support. Their contracts allowed them to date whomever they wanted as long as it didn't hurt the group or company's image, and seeing they'd dated for more than three years without problem was a relief for the directors. However, they couldn't get married for as long as the contract lasted, they'd have to wait for the renewal of it; which wasn't a problem for Hyunwoo and Changkyun, since they were planning on getting married only once they both had completed their military service.

The next ones to hear about this was their staff, they were trustworthy and pretty close to the boys, so of course they were happy, some noonas assuring they already knew or suspected of their relationship. All of them were also asked to keep their relationship a secret until after the release of their first English album which was due to February the next year.

It was only then that they felt ready to tell their close family about their engagement, both families gave them an amazingly positive support, which encouraged them to share the news with their closest friends and the rest of the groups' families, except Hyungwon's. They planned to let them know once the news were out on social media.

"You look ugly, mom."

"Thanks, Changkyun," Kihyun sighed taking the seat on the couch next to the maknae.

"You're sad. What is it?"

The older shook his head resting importance to the matter."

"I messed up again."

"You want some advise? You've come to the right person, hyung."

"Hell no, I just want some peace."

"Did you say something you shouldn't have? It wouldn't surprise me."

Kihyun sighed yet again and nodded his head. "I pressured Seok to talk about something that happened to him on the past, now he's mad at me."

"Should I go talk to him? He could never be mad at me."

"You sure know how to comfort someone. Don't worry, we all know he can't spend more than 24 hours mad at me, I just need to cook something delicious for him."

"You sure are in a healthy relationship, hyung."

"What about you, baby? Where's Hyunwoo?"

Changkyun rolled his eyes and dropped his game controller at being reminded of his situation. "Doing fan service as usual.. I know it gives us more recognition and it's good for our and Starship's economy and all that shit but I can't stand the idea of him having to spend all his free time with Monbebe including the bitches who still suspect of our relationship. Little do they know, though!" he scoffed.

"You two sound like old sour women who are in desperate need of spending your husband's money in your husband-less-best-friend."

Changkyun laughed and Kihyun groaned at Minhyuk's weird way of asking them to go shopping with him.

"Is Jooheony hyung coming?"

"Nah, he's boring and ditched me to go work on some songs for the English album. Hyungwonnie is coming, are you joining us then?"

"Sure," Changkyun dragged Kihyun against his will and they tagged along the visuals. Their schedules weren't as heavy or busy as the other members' so they needed to take advantage of that precious free time and do whatever they couldn't when working. Changkyun had been working out a lot lately, and he needed some new workout clothing; he also wanted to get some to give Hyunwoo so they could go together like before.

"How do I look?" Hyungwon was trying on some expensive slacks and asking Changkyun for his opinion.

Living and working together, it was only a matter of time for Changkyun and the oldest maknae—or youngest hyung as Hyungwon considered himself before deciding he was just gonna be the only member of the in-the-middle line— to become close friends.

"You are not a model for nothing, why are you asking me if Minhyuk is the one with style here besides you?"

"Because you like men. And I want to know if I look good as a man and not just as a model."

"That doesn't even make sense. And I only have eyes for Hyunwoo hyung."

Hyungwon sighed rolling his eyes and turned his head towards Kihyun who had been ignored all along. "I really don't want to ask you, but you also like men. What do you think?"

"Thanks?" Kihyun huffed. "The black ones looked better," he unconsciously tilted his head, "your legs look way better and- no, forget I said anything. Stop smiling you creep."

"You look sexier," Minhyuk supported Kihyun's idea with a thumbs up. This, however, didn't stop the upcoming Tom & Jerry discussion.

"Hyung," Changkyun called Minhyuk's attention. "I'm gonna go get something from the Sports store next door, can you call me if you leave this store?"

"We'll come look for you once we are done."

"Thanks."

The maknae wasted no time and began his personal shopping. He both hated and loved how cheesy he had become over the time by dating Son Hyunwoo. He got matching gym shoes and sweatshirts, beside some other articles.

The problem came when he went to pay them and he was met with a familiar face behind the counter. He recognized her, but she didn't need to know that. Her face lit up and her eyes were lost for a few seconds, but she immediately went back to professionalism.

It was one of the girls that had warned Hyunwoo about how bad it'd be for them if people believed they were in a relationship within the group. Changkyun only hoped she didn't relate that to the clothing he was buying; after all, they had been followed from the gym that time.

"Are you done?"

Changkyun looked to his right and found Hyungwon resting against the counter by him. The girl being extremely attentive to their every move and words.

"Almost."

Changkyun considered pretend the matching outfit was for Hyungwon and Kihyun, which could be thought of as a lost dare, but there was no reason to give explanations.

So before she could do or say anything else the maknae dragged the visual out of the store, almost bumping into his other two hyungs. Kihyun held him in place by the shoulders.

"What's the rush? I want to see some sweat pants since Hoseokkie wants to force me into going to the gym with him."

"One of the girls who wants to make a scandal on Hyunwoo and me works here."

"You know there's no way she'll know until its announced, right? I don't understand the problem."

"I got us matching outfits," there was embarrassment in his voice.

"Gosh, come here baby, you're officially becoming one with our weird leader," Minhyuk tried to hug the rapper.

Changkyun pushed him away with a pout. "The day the news are revealed, and she can't do anything about it, I'm gonna be here and expect her friends are here too and I'll watch their reactions and it will give me ten years more of life. But for now, it only brings stressful memories."

"I should be concerned but rather I'm happy at your statement. Let's go," Kihyun wrapped his right arm around the shorter's waist and stayed that way until they were back at the dorms. Their relationship had only strengthen over the years, it was more of a best-friends-sort-of-brothers relationship rather than the mother-son thing they had during the early years after debut; they attributed this to both being in romantic relationships with older men. They were a support to each other rather than a responsibility.

The first thing they saw as they entered the living room was a huge bunny with cute eyes waiting for them.

And next to him, a lot smaller stuffed bunny. Hoseok offered the stuffed animal to his boyfriend not caring for their members' reactions. Said members scattered away as fast as their legs granted them to avoid witnessing Hoseok and Kihyun making up — and most probably making out.

Changkyun and Minhyuk entered their room—despite the relationships going on in the dorms they had decided to keep their sleeping arrangements as before—, and once the maknae finished putting his new acquisitions away he walked to Hyunwoo's room to leave the matching outfits there. He was not expecting to see the leader already there.

"Hyung!"

"You're back," Hyunwoo greeted with a goofy smile.

Changkyun made one of his signature weird faces showing off his double chin before approaching his fiance. "Didn't know you'd be coming home early. You should have told me."

"I came right before you, the event was cancelled and I forgot my phone here so I couldn't notify you," he secured his long and strong arms around the rapper's hips, then pouted until Changkyun had pecked his lips. "What's in the bag?"

The shorter felt his face getting red and huffed, not understanding how or why he would still feel like this after so long dating Hyunwoo. "I.. I bought some gym clothes. It's a matching outfit."

Hyunwoo laughed a bit and pulled the boy closer. "As long as it doesn't make us look like a pair of cabbages or caterpillars I'll wear whatever you're wearing."

Changkyun laughed at the memory of their Monsta X-ray outfits and shook his head. "Why not tho? You could be the cabbage and I'd be your caterpillar?" He discarded the shopping bag on the floor beside the bed and proceeded to sit himself in the vocalist's lap. "You don't have schedule until tomorrow afternoon, can I sleep here tonight?"

"Kihyun will kill us."

"He's very busy with Hoseok right now.."

Hyunwoo pretended to think about it, earning a hit on the shoulder. "Hey! If you're gonna be hitting me you better stop working on your arms and back."

"I can't be slim and weak as I was during NO.Mercy." 

Some years ago, Hyunwoo would have felt a pang trough his heart and stomach at the mention of their dark past. At how defenseless and alone the youngest had been and felt. But they were already over it, even joking about it once the seven of them had sat down and talk it out until they were sure it didn't affect Changkyun the way it did back then. They had grown up and matured so well, they blindly trusted and love each other, all seven of them. They forgave, and forgot the bad sides of their history together. They learnt to live with it and accept the past to use it as an experience to enrich their present and future. They loved each other so much, nothing and no one could ever tear them apart.

"You're as strong and loving as Hoseok. As strong and caring as Kihyun. As reliable and gentle as Hyungwon. As tough and charming as Jooheon. And as cheerful and mature as Minhyuk. And I could keep going, describe you with all the adjectives you deserve, in all languages available in this earth. But I would never be able to finish expressing how important you are for me, how much I love you, and how you're the someone i can't live without."

"Hyung.." he whined.

"Maknae.." he copied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may add an Epilogue with what happened later...

**Author's Note:**

> I love angst and this is the story I promised to write after finishing "I'M No Mercy" (if you haven't read it yet, well.. now is when) I hope you enjoy (read: suffer with) it!


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